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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

My favorite line of the evening...

Posted by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:34 AM
  • 55 Replies

 My stepson and his fiance are getting married today, yesterday was the rehearsal. My son is the ring bearer and my daughter is the flower girl, they both did very well at, as my daughter called it, the practice wedding. My daughter (6yo) has been so excited about this wedding, you'd think it was hers! lol

Anyway, the rehearsal goes well. We actually only had to run through it once, everyone did so perfectly. Then we just went over the expectations for tomorrow, when/where everyone is supposed to go and what time to be there and yadda yadda yadda. My soon-to-be stepdaughter-in-law and her bridesmaids fawned over my daughter for about half an hour (nothing new there) and the guys all hung out for a few while the coordinator and I discussed the flowers, the ring box, the lanterns and general placement/returning of things before, during and after the wedding.

Then comes the rehearsal dinner which turned into an expected party. MIL, FIL, SIL showed up, family members of the bridesmaids and coordinator showed up, lots of people. Here's where things got awkward...

Every time I was engaged in conversation, whether I started it or someone else started talking to me, MIL would come over to monopolize whoever I was talking to. After half an hour, I was very much alone at the end of one of the two long tables we had for the party. I spent about 90% of the party sitting there by myself and taking pictures, the other 10% was when the meals arrived. Now the bride-to-be and my husband's ex wife did their best to include me but it was very difficult and I don't blame anyone for giving up after awhile.

Speaking of pictures, I did ask to get a shot of my husband with his four kids. MIL noticed and said they needed a picture with the grandparents too. Right before I take the picture, she calls my husband's ex wife over and says we need "a family picture." My husband's ex wife reluctantly joins the pictures and it's really obvious that me, ex wife and her husband are uncomfortable about this particular family picture but, not our party and we didn't want to make things more uncomfortable than they already were.

The best part though was the stroll down memory lane. My husband and I got married at the courthouse because we couldn't afford an actual wedding at the time and also felt that it was wasteful to spend so much money on one day at that time when we had other uses that we both felt were more important (like buying our house and getting a new car since mine was totalled). My husband promised that we would save up as much as we could and, on our fifth wedding anniversary, we'd have a vow renewal ceremony. That would've been last year but MIL felt that anniversaries are private celebrations for the couples only so cancelled my event, my husband was a dumbass that didn't check with me first when his mom told him that "I" cancelled it so... yeah. And yes, it was easy for her to do as I'd cut my side of the family out of our lives so everyone invited was all on his side.

So, they're all reminiscing about the bride's parents' wedding and the groom's parents' wedding. What bothered me about this was my MIL taking me aside and saying "DH and ex wife had a beautiful wedding, it wasn't like yours, they actually got married," laughed and walked back to join the conversations.

I didn't say anything, I don't plan to say anything. I'm sure some excuse will be made for her and, honestly, I don't want to hear it. I'm going to vent about it here on cafemom and let it go.

I do feel better getting it out.

by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
thecircus8
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:48 AM
2 moms liked this
Hugs. I am sorry. Why do weddings bring out the worse in people...

Typing as we are getting ready for my baby brothers wedding at 6 today...

It's insane.
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:48 AM
3 moms liked this

I would have called her out on that shit-but I'm just a bitch like that.

Yeah MIL your son and I would have had a full on ceremony if you didn't pretend to be me and cancel everything.


The look on her face would have been priceless.

annabl1970
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:53 AM
5 moms liked this
She is stupid bitch
Why your H doesn't put her on her place? What kind of man lets his mother to cancel something he and his wife planned long ago and saved money for?
Thanks God I got wonderful in laws.
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Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:58 AM

 Congratulations to your baby brother!

Ours is at 5 30pm, it's going to be so beautiful! :)

Quoting thecircus8: Hugs. I am sorry. Why do weddings bring out the worse in people... Typing as we are getting ready for my baby brothers wedding at 6 today... It's insane.

 

Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:59 AM

 I seriously need to get a backbone. I'm such a doormat, I let my own family walk all over me for many years. It was a HUGE step for me to cut them out of our lives several years ago, I'm very non-confrontational. I'm getting better but still...

Quoting Tigress22304:

I would have called her out on that shit-but I'm just a bitch like that.

Yeah MIL your son and I would have had a full on ceremony if you didn't pretend to be me and cancel everything.

 

The look on her face would have been priceless.

 

Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Jul. 19, 2014 at 11:02 AM

 He's a huge momma's boy for one and, for two, she always does this kind of thing when it will be just me and her. It then becomes and she said she said with no proof one way or the other, therefore, my husband doesn't want to get in the middle and cause problems with either of us. I guess he just doesn't realize that it's causing issues regardless.

Honestly, I don't talk to him about her anymore. Any issues he hears about come from his mother and, when he does bring them to me, I apologize to him then call his mother and apologize to her and let it go. It's driving my husband crazy because I won't defend myself anymore, I just apologize and move on. But, as I've told him, if he wanted the issues resolved then he'd get his head out of the sand and deal with it, regardless of his mother's reaction/feelings.

I'm also very non-confrontational though, I'd much rather just keep the peace.

Quoting annabl1970: She is stupid bitch Why your H doesn't put her on her place? What kind of man lets his mother to cancel something he and his wife planned long ago and saved money for? Thanks God I got wonderful in laws.

 

Leigh84
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 11:04 AM
Try your best to ignore the stupid shit she says but stop letting her have so much control. I wouldn't care how SHE feels couples should celebrate their anniversary. It wasn't her anniversary and I would not of let her have so much control to cancel the ceremony where y'all renew your vowes. That just sounds ridiculous. You're married to your DH, not her.
annabl1970
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 11:09 AM
1 mom liked this
That is not a peace.
It's oppression


Quoting Chibi_Kitten:

 He's a huge momma's boy for one and, for two, she always does this kind of thing when it will be just me and her. It then becomes and she said she said with no proof one way or the other, therefore, my husband doesn't want to get in the middle and cause problems with either of us. I guess he just doesn't realize that it's causing issues regardless.


Honestly, I don't talk to him about her anymore. Any issues he hears about come from his mother and, when he does bring them to me, I apologize to him then call his mother and apologize to her and let it go. It's driving my husband crazy because I won't defend myself anymore, I just apologize and move on. But, as I've told him, if he wanted the issues resolved then he'd get his head out of the sand and deal with it, regardless of his mother's reaction/feelings.


I'm also very non-confrontational though, I'd much rather just keep the peace.


Quoting annabl1970: She is stupid bitch Why your H doesn't put her on her place? What kind of man lets his mother to cancel something he and his wife planned long ago and saved money for? Thanks God I got wonderful in laws.

 

Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Jul. 19, 2014 at 11:10 AM

 I didn't give her any control. I had everything planned out but I and my kids were the only ones who showed up, and I do blame everyone for just taking her word and not calling me to check what was going on. Especially when the kids and I did NOT show up for pizza night at MIL's house but everyone else was there.

Again, I'd cut my family out of our lives so everyone invited was all from his side. She called everyone up the night before and told them that I'd changed my mind and cancelled because "I" feel that anniversaries should be private affairs. Everyone just took her word for it and no one showed up.

I do blame everyone invited for just taking her word for it, someone should've taken the time to call me and find out what was going on or to at least find out why the kids and I didn't show up to pizza night without explanation. ((actually, my husband did call at 7pm ish to find out but that was two hours AFTER pizza night had begun and three hours AFTER my vow renewal ceremony was scheduled))

Quoting Leigh84: Try your best to ignore the stupid shit she says but stop letting her have so much control. I wouldn't care how SHE feels couples should celebrate their anniversary. It wasn't her anniversary and I would not of let her have so much control to cancel the ceremony where y'all renew your vowes. That just sounds ridiculous. You're married to your DH, not her.

 

Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Jul. 19, 2014 at 11:11 AM

 You have a point, I didn't realize that is really what this is.

We don't see her that often anymore though and she refuses to admit that she doesn't like me or that there are any problems on HER end. What else can I do?

Quoting annabl1970: That is not a peace. It's oppression
Quoting Chibi_Kitten:

 He's a huge momma's boy for one and, for two, she always does this kind of thing when it will be just me and her. It then becomes and she said she said with no proof one way or the other, therefore, my husband doesn't want to get in the middle and cause problems with either of us. I guess he just doesn't realize that it's causing issues regardless.

Honestly, I don't talk to him about her anymore. Any issues he hears about come from his mother and, when he does bring them to me, I apologize to him then call his mother and apologize to her and let it go. It's driving my husband crazy because I won't defend myself anymore, I just apologize and move on. But, as I've told him, if he wanted the issues resolved then he'd get his head out of the sand and deal with it, regardless of his mother's reaction/feelings.

I'm also very non-confrontational though, I'd much rather just keep the peace.

Quoting annabl1970: She is stupid bitch Why your H doesn't put her on her place? What kind of man lets his mother to cancel something he and his wife planned long ago and saved money for? Thanks God I got wonderful in laws.

 

 

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