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Neglecting kids in favor of sks

Posted by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:19 PM
  • 108 Replies
1 mom liked this
Couldnt think of a good title for this. It isnt exactly accurate but its good enough. Anyway, most of you are aware of the gist of my story because of the other thread but if you need clarification Ill answer questions. I just dont want to write a book.

So the last couple of days have been really good. My df was off for 3 days and then worked the same shift (days) friday and now im off for the weekend so we have had more time to spend with the kids doing fun stuff and having family time.

My ds12 and my fiance have a ton in common. They are both very handy, love tools and fixing things and doing projects and stuff. His own ds10 could care less about those things, prefers to spend his time alone on the xbox or tablet or watching tv and pretty much makes every conversation he takes part in turn to Minecraft and youtubers who make Minecraft videos. Weds night we had a bonfire in the firepit and roasted marshmallows and just sat around the fire talking as a family for several hours, everyone except ss10. He refused to come outside and pitched a fit when we tried to convince him too because there might be bugs and the other kids are loud and its boring. Ds12 and my fiance took care of the fire and got into a long conversation about fire and the ins and outs of building a good one.

Thurs we took all the kids for a picnic at a park by the lake. That was fun and this time everyone went and had a good time.

Then last night we all ended up in the garage because my ds12 is planning to build a treehouse and he and my fiance are planning it and my fiance was showing him how to use all the tools and stuff. My daughters and his daughter all hung out with them and talked. His dd8 is planning to help so she was learning too. His ds10 again refused to join because tools and treehouses are boring.

I love seeing my fiance bond with my son this way. His own dad is pretty detached and doesnt do things like this with him at all, never teaches him things and pretty much just yells at him to calm down and be quiet all the time. My df was excited because hes always wanted.to do things like this with his son but his son has no interest whatsoever.

However, when we went to bed my fiance seemed really worried and when I asked him why he said he is afraid he is neglecting his own kids because hes been spending so much time with mine, especially my son. Its a difficult balance. I dont want him to damage his relationship with his kids but I also dont want him to pull away from my son. Im not sure what can be done to keep both his bond with his son and the new bond he is forming with my kids intact. His daughter is a little easier. She always comes with and participates...but you can see she is jealous of my kids sometimes. Especially my youngest daughter 6. She gets very sad looking whenever he cuddles my little one or pays a lot of attention to her.
by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:26 PM
He needs to find common ground with his son too. Your DS is like a new friend who shared similar interests, which is great, but he can't neglect his own DS because they don't share those same interests.
lonelymoon
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:27 PM
There is nothing he can do with just his son? I would say he needs to find at least one thing he can do with him, just to reassure him. He might feel replaced.
Joie35
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:46 PM
He doesnt want to neglect his son at all and he feels really bad even thinking he might be. Hes been trying for a couple of years now to find common ground with him but its always been a struggle. His son likes.to be alone much of the time, hates to be outside and literally doesnt like to do anything but play video games, watch youtube or swim. The only time we can get him willingly out of the house is if we are taking him swimming...and its not warm enough to do that all that often :/

My fiance put him in baseball this year and volunteered to help coach so they could do that together and it was a huge fight the whole time. Getting him there was a battle and the majority of the time he completely refused to participate and just sat on the bench being pissed off.

Quoting jules2boys: He needs to find common ground with his son too. Your DS is like a new friend who shared similar interests, which is great, but he can't neglect his own DS because they don't share those same interests.
Joie35
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:49 PM
Hes been trying to since before my kids even got here. They share literally NO interests. The only time his son will even hang out with him is if he plays Disney Infinity with him...and hes not even into that game much anymore.

Its something that really gets to my df. Hes always wanted to teach him to work in cars, build things, fix things....and he cant get him interested at all.

Quoting lonelymoon: There is nothing he can do with just his son? I would say he needs to find at least one thing he can do with him, just to reassure him. He might feel replaced.
Boobear110
by Audra on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:55 PM
2 moms liked this

This might sound silly but is it possible your fiancé could engage his son in teaching him about minecraft? It might give them common ground to bond with. 

Even if it's just 20 minutes at a time. Just a hey, DS I have a few minutes show me this game you play all the time. 


annabl1970
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:58 PM
You choose wrong title.
I thought you're SM who has kids with BF and BF is neglecting them in favor of his kids from previous marriage.

Why your fiancé doesn't go to pool with his son? He can get membership to some local pool and take his son to swim no matter weather. That way son will be less glued to computer and father feel less guilt over spending time with your children
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Joie35
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:58 PM
It doesnt sound silly at all. Ive actually suggested that to my fiance. He is kinda iffy because hed love the time with his son but he doesnt necessarily feel right about encouraging his Minecraft obsession. Hes been trying to get him interested in something besides video games but the kid is obsessed.



Quoting Boobear110:

This might sound silly but is it possible your fiancé could engage his son in teaching him about minecraft? It might give them common ground to bond with. 

Even if it's just 20 minutes at a time. Just a hey, DS I have a few minutes show me this game you play all the time. 

LaughCryLive
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:02 PM
1 mom liked this
The father should do what the son wants. Your husband is trying to change him instead of participating in things the boy likes.
Joie35
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:02 PM
We do swimming at the lake when we have time. The only nearby pool is the Y and we cant afford a membership. The weather hasnt been great for swimming lately though. Im thinking he needs to.do a one on one trip with his son at least once before his kids go back to their moms.

I know the title isnt really what I was going for...I couldnt come up with something that worked for some reason.


Quoting annabl1970: You choose wrong title.
I thought you're SM who has kids with BF and BF is neglecting them in favor of his kids from previous marriage.

Why your fiancé doesn't go to pool with his son? He can get membership to some local pool and take his son to swim no matter weather. That way son will be less glued to computer and father feel less guilt over spending time with your children
Boobear110
by Audra on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:04 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes but he can make a compromise with him , also. 

Teach me your game , then I'm going to need your help building this or that or changing the oil on the car. Just him and his dad. Have dad word it so it's not a ill do this but you have to do this for me after. More of a buddy I really need your help type of thing. Make sense? 

It may really help in the long run to get SS interested in other things. 

My boys are video game freaks too 

Quoting Joie35: It doesnt sound silly at all. Ive actually suggested that to my fiance. He is kinda iffy because hed love the time with his son but he doesnt necessarily feel right about encouraging his Minecraft obsession. Hes been trying to get him interested in something besides video games but the kid is obsessed.
Quoting Boobear110:

This might sound silly but is it possible your fiancé could engage his son in teaching him about minecraft? It might give them common ground to bond with. 

Even if it's just 20 minutes at a time. Just a hey, DS I have a few minutes show me this game you play all the time. 


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