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I had a come to Jesus w SO

Posted by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:43 PM
  • 51 Replies
1 mom liked this
If you recall my previous post about my crappy day a few days ago.

To rehash, I have a lt on my plate and some of it is feeling resentful of BM taking advantage and SO allowing it to the detriment of our finances (meaning we can't afford to even FEED them all)

So I was home after work and ss11 announces to me "my mom is going to Fresno for the weekend" (why anyone would want to go there for the weeken is beyond me but whatever) however. ITS HER GOD DAMN WEEKEND. After we broke ourselves taking them on vacation and have had them 25 out of the last 30 days while paying child support for ten days. I had it! At that moment as it happened, SO pulled into the driveway. I marched my happy ass out tere and asked him "are you aware BM is going to Fresno for the weekend? It's her weekend. Did she even ask?" He says no. I went on to say "well babe, we need to talk. Right now. This is not about the kids, so have an open mind. She needs to be a fuckin mother to her own kids sometimes. They are good kids, I care about them but this is too much for me. On Sunday, they need to go to BM's an stay there all week." He says "what about next weekend?" I said "well that's your weekend but the following weekend is hers, and she needs to keep them. We can't afford to have her all the time while paying her. And I don't mind telling you it fuckin chaps my ass that she has he hair nails and tan all the time and" (point to my hair and feet) "I look like SHIT cuz any cash I get is spent feeding her children on her time. I'd like to say it makes me feel better that I rather feed hungry kids than spend on my looks but it does not. " he agrees to what I said and then I told him "and I'd like to make another request. Can you guys do half week on and half week off? You're not giving up any time but it's in shorter stretches. I'm completely overwhelmed w this many kids with a whole week" he said ok.

I'm sure he will comply for a few weeks and BM will try to run all over him again but I'm speaking up. I hate the way I have been feeling lately. As a matter of fact, I think tomorrow I am taking the baby to visit a friend in the city and he can be with his kids all day til he takes them to BM.
by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 2:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 3:46 PM
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 Sounds like it was much needed.   I hate people taking advantage.  You'd think they would 'get it' but they don't and for some reason you feel like the bad guy for having to draw a line. Good for you!

OvertiredMommy
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 4:08 PM
1 mom liked this
Good for you! You deserve some much needed time without them.
DesertFlower197
by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 4:27 PM

omg, Fresno?  Yuk.  i get how its frustrating, with BM having extensions, fake eyelashes, always dressed in something new, and rarely spends $ taking ss anywhere.  we have him more than she does, and DH still pays her $1200 a month.  i dye my own hair and rarely get new clothes cuz we have three big boys and there just isnt enough.  i hope your SO makes the change, my DH would never ask BM to take SS on her time, in fact, he prefers to keep him, even if im babysitting him.


good for you for sticking up for yourself.  im in Cali too!

soooowhatnow
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 4:44 PM
That is where I drew the line. I wasn't doing any dawn babysitting sorry

Quoting DesertFlower197:

omg, Fresno?  Yuk.  i get how its frustrating, with BM having extensions, fake eyelashes, always dressed in something new, and rarely spends $ taking ss anywhere.  we have him more than she does, and DH still pays her $1200 a month.  i dye my own hair and rarely get new clothes cuz we have three big boys and there just isnt enough.  i hope your SO makes the change, my DH would never ask BM to take SS on her time, in fact, he prefers to keep him, even if im babysitting him.

good for you for sticking up for yourself.  im in Cali too!

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 6:28 PM
See I am sure SO would prefer to keep them but there are three and i would not prefer to. BM ha issues but she is capable.

And SO knows better than to volunteer MY time I work full time. It's the collateral that stresses me out. The extra mess and cost of feeding.

And god damn 1200 for one? He pays 900 for 3. We don't make a lot.


Quoting DesertFlower197:

omg, Fresno?  Yuk.  i get how its frustrating, with BM having extensions, fake eyelashes, always dressed in something new, and rarely spends $ taking ss anywhere.  we have him more than she does, and DH still pays her $1200 a month.  i dye my own hair and rarely get new clothes cuz we have three big boys and there just isnt enough.  i hope your SO makes the change, my DH would never ask BM to take SS on her time, in fact, he prefers to keep him, even if im babysitting him.

good for you for sticking up for yourself.  im in Cali too!

stepdiva
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 7:36 PM
Good luck. I hear you. They eat like fiends, I remember it well. There were always extra kids here for meals. Not just skids, their friends too. One or two lived here for a while. DH would never say a word. SS is on his way tonight. They'll stay for dinner of course. SS plans it that way!
MBanks524
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 7:40 PM
Ridiculous and agree with you. Just don't want kids to feel unwanted by mom and dad even if you have good reasons
mommy2smommy2
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I DO NOT AGREE! I would handle this situation MUCH different! First, they are your husbands kids...YOUR KIDS I would never never never treat my Step kids like a nuisance, I don't even see them that way. If this happened here I would keep them as long as possible, i would document it and I would try to get custody changed. I think you are doing this backward, chnge the amount of CS u pay, dont try to get rid of the kids. I think that is heartless and rude. you think you are hurting their mom by making her keep her kids? you are hurting the kids, you think they cant see it? oh and you would rather spend your extra money on tanning then taking care of the kids...you are no better than her and your hubby has horrible taste in women. Sorry, I know this might sound mean but I fight an uphill battle all the time. I treat my step children just like I treat my bio children because they are children and the deserve it! On top of it you put your hubby in the middle. Why don't you think with your heart and not dollar signs once in a while


howkhuntastic
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:55 PM
Do you have any idea how dumb you sound here? I mean seriously, you act like with a snap of gunners she can have cs changed.
As both bio and step mom sometimes I need a break from everyone. A stressed out woman does not make for a happy man or family.
I hope your come to Jesus talk worked, my so hours along for a bit then back to the way things were.

And seriously Fresno in summer, yuck.

Quoting mommy2smommy2:

I DO NOT AGREE! I would handle this situation MUCH different! First, they are your husbands kids...YOUR KIDS I would never never never treat my Step kids like a nuisance, I don't even see them that way. If this happened here I would keep them as long as possible, i would document it and I would try to get custody changed. I think you are doing this backward, chnge the amount of CS u pay, dont try to get rid of the kids. I think that is heartless and rude. you think you are hurting their mom by making her keep her kids? you are hurting the kids, you think they cant see it? oh and you would rather spend your extra money on tanning then taking care of the kids...you are no better than her and your hubby has horrible taste in women. Sorry, I know this might sound mean but I fight an uphill battle all the time. I treat my step children just like I treat my bio children because they are children and the deserve it! On top of it you put your hubby in the middle. Why don't you think with your heart and not dollar signs once in a while

mommy2smommy2
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 9:29 PM

your are right getting rid of the kids is easier...sorry. I am a step mom and a bio mom as well, I need breaks too, that is why they have a DAD


Quoting howkhuntastic: Do you have any idea how dumb you sound here? I mean seriously, you act like with a snap of gunners she can have cs changed. As both bio and step mom sometimes I need a break from everyone. A stressed out woman does not make for a happy man or family. I hope your come to Jesus talk worked, my so hours along for a bit then back to the way things were. And seriously Fresno in summer, yuck.

Quoting mommy2smommy2:

I DO NOT AGREE! I would handle this situation MUCH different! First, they are your husbands kids...YOUR KIDS I would never never never treat my Step kids like a nuisance, I don't even see them that way. If this happened here I would keep them as long as possible, i would document it and I would try to get custody changed. I think you are doing this backward, chnge the amount of CS u pay, dont try to get rid of the kids. I think that is heartless and rude. you think you are hurting their mom by making her keep her kids? you are hurting the kids, you think they cant see it? oh and you would rather spend your extra money on tanning then taking care of the kids...you are no better than her and your hubby has horrible taste in women. Sorry, I know this might sound mean but I fight an uphill battle all the time. I treat my step children just like I treat my bio children because they are children and the deserve it! On top of it you put your hubby in the middle. Why don't you think with your heart and not dollar signs once in a while



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