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Why wouldn't Dad?

Posted by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:32 PM
  • 38 Replies

I have seen BMs who have primary custody give a bad impression of NCPs who go on vacation without their non-custodial children. If Dad is NCP, wouldn't he already be used to having limited time with the non-custodial child and having life go on while the child is with the CP. Why is it a negative for Dad to want to spend a vacation with the family he lives with all the time?

Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MBanks524
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:40 PM
3 moms liked this
Why can't he plan vacation and include his other children? If BM is flexible and would be open to them having kids at that time that is. I think if possible BIG vacations should include all the kids. If BM is not flexible or willing to work around dates, then it's her causing the kids not able to go, playing games, and blaming dad.
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:48 PM

Of course a vacation with everyone is great. The question was why is it wrong for him to have a vacation with the family he lives with 24/7, the one who he experiences everyday life with also?

Remember some BMs feel NCP shouldn't even have the extended summer holidays because they aren't used to it and can't manage.

sophiesister2
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I dont see anything wrong with it. Were both custodial parents and id love a weekend vacation without any kids we havent had one of those since first dating
hershey6
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 9:09 PM
1 mom liked this
This is tricky and I can see both sides in a way... I think it is nice to have a vacation with all the kids included so that the kids don't feel like they are being left out of the family (and I say that as someone who really does not like going on vacations with my oldest three step kids).
The reality is that sometime this is more difficult than it may seem. Our kids (and SD4) live with us and therefore go to school in a different school district than the older Skids and so have different breaks for many of the breaks. Additionally, the older kids have more activities that make scheduling difficult as well.

For example in my situation: the only school breaks that the kids have lining up is part of summer. Due to my work, I can't be out of town for the month of June and the first half of July. Football starts in august. BM requests that her kids work the VBS at her church the last week in July. This leaves us a window of a week to 10 days during a very expensive travel time to get everyone somewhere. We are able to go back and see DH's family sometimes (and this year did a couple days a cedar point too!) but things like Disney, or Mexico, or many other places just aren't going to happen then.
XXanonymousXX
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 9:53 PM
I don't see it as a negative if a NCP takes a vacation with their "full time family", if there is a viable reason not to take all of their kids along.

If NCP only has EOW I could see how taking a 7 day trip to Disney, including a plane ride or long car trip, could put a lot of stress on the kid and the parent.

Although it might be frowned upon to admit I could see how in some NCP situations a vacation including all the kids could not be considered a vacation at all. Especially when dealing with scheduling with an "over bearing" CP and if they are dealing with a child who has a hard time being away from the CP.

But at the same time, these NCPs really can't complain when their kids don't feel or act like "part of the family".
sm1bm3
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:10 PM
1 mom liked this
Personally, I wouldn't care what BMs feelings on this would be. My only concern would be for SS's feelings on being either included or excluded from a family vacation.

On that note, at this point I am not sure I would include SS in a vacation like Disneyland. The decision factors are his current behavior problems and BM would fight it tooth and nail. The stress would ruin the vacation for everyone. Since we aren't planning a vacation like that this summer I don't have to worry about hurting his feelings.
packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Will his kids find out they were excluded from a family vacation with his "full time family"?

Will they be bothered to know dad doesn't think of his own kids as full time family?
KiwiMumto3
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:22 PM
1 mom liked this

We went on an overseas vaca last year, no way would BM ever consider us letting us take SD (she's only 4 now so we understand, but BM told SO, Never. EVER. Blah).

SO is going to court soon and will be bringing up vaca's, see if it can be added to CO that in a few years either parent will have the option to take SD on vaca. I doubt BM will allow overseas, but even just to be able to vaca in our own country with SD would be nice, it's not the same having a holiday without SD, but it wouldn't be fair to SO or 'our' family if he stayed at home just because SD can't come.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:27 PM

They may or may not find out. I don't see why they would be bothered if their custodial parent isn't bothered and wouldn't approve of those vacations.

Quoting packermom4ever: Will his kids find out they were excluded from a family vacation with his "full time family"? Will they be bothered to know dad doesn't think of his own kids as full time family?


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:30 PM

I agree and I don't think men complain about these things as women do.

Quoting XXanonymousXX: I don't see it as a negative if a NCP takes a vacation with their "full time family", if there is a viable reason not to take all of their kids along. If NCP only has EOW I could see how taking a 7 day trip to Disney, including a plane ride or long car trip, could put a lot of stress on the kid and the parent. Although it might be frowned upon to admit I could see how in some NCP situations a vacation including all the kids could not be considered a vacation at all. Especially when dealing with scheduling with an "over bearing" CP and if they are dealing with a child who has a hard time being away from the CP. But at the same time, these NCPs really can't complain when their kids don't feel or act like "part of the family".


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

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