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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Second Weddings

Posted by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 10:47 AM
  • 42 Replies

For those of you who are in your second marriages, what did you do as a wedding? How involved did you let your s/kids be in the planning? Was this wedding as big as your first?

DF and I just got engaged on Saturday!! We are now discussing the wedding and are deciding on how to go about it. We both had HUGE first weddings and neither of us want that again. We both want the kids extremely involved (our 6 kids are going to be our bridal party). But as far as what to do, and who to invite, we are a little lost. Do we make it intimate, or throw a party time reception? Will extended family members who arent invited get offended? We just have so many random questions about how this wedding will/should be compared to the craziness of our first weddings!!

by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 10:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 11:06 AM
Congratulations!! How exciting! When are you planning the wedding?

I do not have stepkids. But I brought two kids to this relationship. This is my husbands first marriage and my second.

We opted for a large wedding because 1. It was his first and 2. I did not have a large wedding. My ex and I married in a small ceremony with only our parents and siblings and a couple of friends. It was very informal and intimate. I regretted it because I had always wanted the big dress and the huge cake. But it wasn't what he wanted so I settled for an in between. Which I felt resentment about.

When I met my dh and we got engaged, we immediately agreed on a big wedding with all the bells and whistles. Our mothers wouldn't have it any other way.

As for my kids, they were 3 and 9. Their involvement was pretty minimal. My daughter (9) was more involved in the planning of certain things but generally just for fun. She helped pick out flowers. She went along when we did dress shopping. She was apart of the bridal shower and the girls days out. Her 'job' was the flower girl. My son was the ring bearer. If you can call it that at age 3. Lol he carried a pillow.. That was about it.

We did not include the kids in our vows or anything. We believe the vows are about the couple not the family. Our vows were for each other - no one else. During the ceremony we did do the unity sand which was fun. Kind of. It was messy but that's ok. We each had a different color to represent out place in the family. All meshing together (only a representation of our families joining as one). Our mothers were included in this part of the ceremony also. So it wasn't just about blending the kids but about the two families as a whole - his family - my family which includes all of our extended families.

Anyway - that's a lot of info. At the reception we partied and celebrated. We had a big ol' bash. It was a great time.
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aeELE
by Bronze Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 12:11 PM
1 mom liked this
It was not our first rodeo, either of us, and we had both done the big wedding thing before.
We wanted intimate, but also a lifelong memory. We opted for a destination wedding celebration to force down the number of guests, along with a parred down invite list.

My SS was 3 (I did not have kids from my first marriage), and he was the best man. My sister was the MoH and her 1 year old son, my godson, was the ring bearer. Our ceremony was on the beach. It was a regular ceremony, except after "you may kiss the bride," my SS also wanted to give me a kiss. It was very sweet and pretty perfect.

We chose Beaches of Turks and Caicos bc it is a family friendly resort with lots for us to do with the kids. We were there for a week. Everyone had such a great time; there were 20 of us.
Bubbles2014
by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 1:16 PM
My first, his second. Keeping it simple, small, and fun. His kids will be there, but not involed.
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bottomline
by Silver Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 1:36 PM

 My first DH's second. We eloped. No regrets!

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 6:48 PM

 lol we arent married but when it does happen it will be my second and his third. his first was a jailhouse wedding (i wish i was kidding) the second was a big-ish wedding in tahoe. my first was small family only at my moms.

whenever we get married id like a barefoot beach wedding with a bbq to follow w close friends and family.

howkhuntastic
by Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 6:54 PM
We both brought kids into the relationship, but had never been married. We eloped in reno, nevada just the two of us. If we make it to five years we will renew our vows in a bigger ceremony. I do not have family or friends I wanted there and he felt the same. I loved it and we have a DVD the kids can watch if they ever want to see it.
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 6:56 PM

 lol how funny, SO proposed to me once in reno but i refused to marry then because i knew all our kids would be butt hurt that they werent there.

Quoting howkhuntastic: We both brought kids into the relationship, but had never been married. We eloped in reno, nevada just the two of us. If we make it to five years we will renew our vows in a bigger ceremony. I do not have family or friends I wanted there and he felt the same. I loved it and we have a DVD the kids can watch if they ever want to see it.

 

 
        
         

howkhuntastic
by Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 7:05 PM
Neither of our kids' other parents would have let them come, because reno is so far from Sacramento and our kids were one and six weeks old. I loved it, we got there early in the morning, rented a room at circus circus, slept for a while. Then went to the mall got me a dress and shoes him a button up and nicer jeans and went back to the room. We got married on Friday evening and got the most expensive package at a huge weekday discount. Then played our asses off in the arcade. I loved every minute of it. Only thing I wish is that our guy would have been dressed as Elvis because he looked just like him. I told dh I want las Vegas renal with an Elvis impersonator.

I also cracked up because dude was Jewish and performing a Christian ceremony( dh's choice)

Quoting faerie75:

 lol how funny, SO proposed to me once in reno but i refused to marry then because i knew all our kids would be butt hurt that they werent there.


Quoting howkhuntastic: We both brought kids into the relationship, but had never been married. We eloped in reno, nevada just the two of us. If we make it to five years we will renew our vows in a bigger ceremony. I do not have family or friends I wanted there and he felt the same. I loved it and we have a DVD the kids can watch if they ever want to see it.

 

cdrainey3
by Cher on Jul. 21, 2014 at 7:13 PM
It was my first wedding and dh's 3rd. He would of been fine never getting married but I wanted to and he loved me and did whatever I wanted. He was very involved still which I loved because I knew he was happy about it all.

IF I were to marry again, which I won't. But I would do a small beach wedding in Hawaii or something. Whoever could join would be welcome. I would include my kids but it wouldn't be about them.

Just think about what you really want. Do you want the head ache of a big wedding? I loved my big wedding and am so glad I had one, but I wouldn't want to do it again.
DLMsMommy
by Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 7:18 PM
When DH and I got married it was his second and my first. I got the small wedding I wanted and we had his DDs (2 and 5 at the time) be our ring bearer and flower girl. We also did a family honeymoon by taking them to Disney the weekend after our wedding. (We live in central FL so Disney is just a 2 hr drive from us. Makes it easy to go for the day for special occasions).
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