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Does it ever end? what to do?

Posted by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 6:51 PM
  • 15 Replies

hi all,

        its been awhile and while some things have changed much is still the same. we went back to court to adjust custody and determine a school since BM refuses to participate in picking one. BM did not show up to court hearing. judge said it wasn't fair for him to adjust orders without mom. he left the custody the same along with child support but did decide to pick a school. it has now been three months and the judge has not signed the orders which we need for school registration. on top of all that we just received notice mom is moving out of town and is now taking us to court for full custody after having blown off the last court hearing. only thing im hoping will help is the fact that it will be a new judge.

has anyone been through something like this? what do we do? are we just screwed? does she have a chance?

we have him in karate, seeing a therapist and the school that the judge assigned is in town. not to mention all of his doctors (which we take care of all appointments and payments) are in town.

by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 6:51 PM
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by Ruby Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 6:55 PM

 she cant just move if he has joint legal. if she does he may just get full custody.

by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 6:56 PM
My X decided to no show court (lazy bastard only had to call in and didnt even do that). The judge rescheduled for 2 months later, to which idiot no showed again. That was the end. The judge gave me everything I wanted and let me make verbal requests right there in the court room, all of which he added to the CO. Judges don't typically like being blown off.
by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 7:10 PM

i thought she couldn't just up and move but i also thought that if she didn't show we would have an upper hand and that didn't really terrified because of the way they have treated us in the past. when she didn't show for court i was aure they would at least hear my husband out but they blew him off and said it wasn't fair to her! im so worried we will end up on the short end of the stick again. we live in an awful state when it comes to children. she has had multiple cyfd investigations and has had ss taken away. and they still keep giving her the upper hand because she is the mom. we have been told that we will get him when she hospitalizes him because this is a mother state and these are tender years. at this point im just praying the new judge is better and our attorney will actually get to present our case.


by Platinum Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 7:37 PM

What state do you live in?  Perhaps someone here also lives in that state or has some experience with your state and maybe a suggestion or two? 

I'd be really frustrated if the state wouldn't listen to my case if OP CHOSE not to show up but I had proof they'd been served. 

by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 7:46 PM

Who currently has the child the most, mom or dad? What is communication like between the parents? If BM doesn't communicate with Dad, what is her reasoning (is intimidating, aggressive, ect??)

I do know of quite a few cases where BM's got approval from courts to move away, even when custody was split 50/50. So your DH will need to present a very strong case that the child would be best off staying. Ways to do that is by being a very active parent, can he get involved with school (PTA), he needs to communicate civilly with BM and be able to show that he can negotiate and problem solve with her. 

by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 9:50 PM

I live in NM. we have 50/50 physical and legal. we have documentation of everything, all the doctors, activities, therapy, parenting classes we both attend, a psychologist who will testify and who has written us a statement etc etc. we also have all the communication in e-mail which include her being nasty and not wanting to work together. we have cyfd documents, dui documents, ect ect we have covered ourselves and kept everything and have proof of my husband being more than compromising and flexible. we have proof of dad trying to involve her and trying to ask about schools and activities. her reasoning is that she said no or that it doesn't work for her. every attempt to work together is met with a no I'm mom i said no. she doesn't want him in therapy or any kind of sport. no extras. its unnecessary is her excuse. as far as school the judge ordered that dad is to register him.

by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 9:59 PM

Ah, you guys are veterans at dealing with HC BM's too, documenting is tedious eh?! Sounds like you've got all your i's dotted and t's crossed, perhaps being able to present to courts ways in which you will help SS continue to have contact with BM when she moves, holidays, transport etc.m But otherwise, best of luck! IMO SS sounds better off with you guys!

by on Jul. 21, 2014 at 10:20 PM

Usually judges consider the surrounding area of the child such as: if he has family and friends closer to where yall live versus where she is moving to or if he has already been enrolled in a school and a church. Which home does he stay in mostly and how long each parent has lived there. Stability is a factor when considering who is domicile parent; if your DH has lived in the same town and has gone to the same church or sent your stepchild to the same lessons/games/team functions then that will help him. Most times Judges want to avoid uprooting a child from family and friends. 

by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 8:20 PM

so a little update, talked to lawyer who said  it doesn't look good for her seeing how she hasn't even notified us of the move she just filed for change in custody. and since he will already be in the school that the last judge ordered and all of his activities are in his current location we have two options. we can go for more custody or leave it the same and let her figure out how to get him to school on her weeks..........(i don't see her doing this)

by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 8:26 PM

I would go for more custody bring up her past cps dealings and say that she is an unstable household who doesn't try to coparent even though it is in the best interest of the child and you would like more more days that way it doesn't interfere with his life (school, sports, etc)

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