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"That's not how Mom does it"

Posted by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:37 AM
  • 89 Replies

how do you reply to that as a stepmom? do you snark on the kid, blow off the comment, take it to heart and pout, show him a new way, what do you say or do when your stepkidlet says to you "that's not how Mom does it"?

WWNSDD?

by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:45 AM
2 moms liked this
I can't say how I react as a stepmom but I can tell you how I react as a babysitter, aunt or neighbor.

This has been said to me a lot over the 13 years I've been a mom. Kids come over all the time and they are always telling me how their mom does things. It doesn't bother me. Why? Because their mom is their comfort. Their mom is their life line. She is raising them to cut their sandwiches in to squares.

Case in point: my dd had a friend stay the night not long ago. New friend - had not been to our house.
I asked - what do you guys normally eat for dinner on Friday nights? She said pizza! I said would you like to have pizza? Yes!
She said her mom orders from Papa Johns. We order from Pizza Hutt. I simply said - oh I like papa johns too but we have a coupon for pizza hut and I like their wings best. She ate the pizza no problem. I didn't have to assert my 'this is my house and I do it my way'. I just offered to her the reason why I ordered from Pizza Hut instead.

I get this more from little kids than I do from older kids. I usually tell them - that is such an awesome idea! Thank you for sharing. I'm gonna try that next time!
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oldproatthis
by Silver Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:50 AM
3 moms liked this

Honestly, I love to take my SKs by surprise and end the comparisions to mom...I shut them up with "Probably not, but I'm not your mom then am I, so i'm going to do it my way, thanks?" kind of kills the moment, states the obvious, takes the power out of the comment...The response I usually got was little silent faces with huge eyeballs and mouths hanging opened just staring at me...DH usually just smirked and let it go...I honestly haven't heard that one in years now...I just don't have time for shit like competing with ghosts in my home...

tiafez
by Silver Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:51 AM

this came from hearing a child say to a woman, a woman I'm guessing is Dad's new wife by the size of the rock on her hand, "that's not what MOm buys" and this piece of scum (my opinion) says to this child of appx. 8 or 9 "your mom is all wrong, we don't do things wrong. this is the right one " 


and I walked away steaming because mouthing off to the lady would have been a case of two wrongs not making anything right. So I started thinking what you ladies do in such a situation or one like it. 

XXanonymousXX
by Silver Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:53 AM
2 moms liked this
I ask how mom does it, so SD can share and doesn't feel like I'm blowing her off. And then I will either explain why I do it the way I do it (if I have a good reason) or just say something like "everyone is different" and move on.
oldproatthis
by Silver Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:53 AM

You know, I do handle it differently honestly with guests than SKs...with my SKs it's because they want me doing things BMs way...and as the second wife...no, not going to start turning myself into BM...it's more challenging coming from a SK...

When it comes from SKs friends...no issue...

Not the same thing being compared to their moms than DHs ex...

I secretly make a point of being the polar opposite of the ex...

Quoting momof2ex1: I can't say how I react as a stepmom but I can tell you how I react as a babysitter, aunt or neighbor. This has been said to me a lot over the 13 years I've been a mom. Kids come over all the time and they are always telling me how their mom does things. It doesn't bother me. Why? Because their mom is their comfort. Their mom is their life line. She is raising them to cut their sandwiches in to squares. Case in point: my dd had a friend stay the night not long ago. New friend - had not been to our house. I asked - what do you guys normally eat for dinner on Friday nights? She said pizza! I said would you like to have pizza? Yes! She said her mom orders from Papa Johns. We order from Pizza Hutt. I simply said - oh I like papa johns too but we have a coupon for pizza hut and I like their wings best. She ate the pizza no problem. I didn't have to assert my 'this is my house and I do it my way'. I just offered to her the reason why I ordered from Pizza Hut instead. I get this more from little kids than I do from older kids. I usually tell them - that is such an awesome idea! Thank you for sharing. I'm gonna try that next time!

 

spooky415
by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this
I said that to my stepmother a few times. It wasn't meant to be as insulting as she took it...I was just confused bc I was learning people do things differently.
jenesis509
by Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:54 AM
Depends what attitude is behind it but I rarely get bad attitude. So I respond nicely! " I'm sorry but I'm not mommy, wanna see my way? Its not that bad/hard"
Or "she does it different that cool! But I like it this way wanna try it?"

usually they agree and check it out. And usually they love it just as much.

With bad attitude I tell them " well if you don't like my way you can go get your mom to do it"

that usually gets "no its OK" and they get over it real quick lol
faire_jour
by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:55 AM

"That's because I'm not her" seems appropriate.

SnapIt
by Bronze Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:56 AM
We had that issue when we first moved in

Cant blame the kid/s
Keep in mind they are use to certain ways. Those ways became habits for them
Thats what they know
Thats how they grew up

I actually didnt have to say anything when it happened.
SO just told his kids, this is how WE do things in this house. Moms ways are done in her home.
They asked why and he told them straight that i have my way too and mom doesnt live here and it isnt nice to keep bringing up moms name and what she does in her home. Things are different now.

I would from time to time tell/remind my kids, things will be a bit different because everyone has their own way, but we will try to keep most ways on both sides to help adjust and we will have to learn new ways too.

Im sure they will learn new ways in your home and go to moms and say the same thing to her as well.
I already heard it first hand from one of his kids.
I bought something their mom doesnt buy, the kid told me they asked the mom to buy it and she said no.
Imagine how she felt in that moment.
Im sure she didnt take it well because thats her nature.
Me, i can understand they will say such things.
They arent doing it purposely, unless they know it bothers you and they do it over and over with a smirk
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 11:57 AM
2 moms liked this

My stepkids are seeming more saintly after I read some of the posts in here (not this one in particular, op) and read the replies.

Mine have never said that. If they did I would say "we all do things differently" and move on.

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