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please don't judge

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:41 AM
  • 104 Replies

I found out yesterday that my dh is asking bm if he can keep their child for a 'few extra days next week...or maybe the whole week'

I asked then if that meant he was taking a few days off next week to which he replied that he didn't think so. 

I honestly don't know how to feel - I feel annoyed and aggrivated on one hand, but then on the other hand I realize that the child is just that only a child....

Ugh I don't know what to do...I don't know if I want to say something to DH bc I know he will think that I don't care about his child like I do ours together but that couldn't be further from the truth...I just don't like the attitude and how he behaves.... 

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:53 AM
2 moms liked this

Okay well did you ask him what type of child care he arranged for his child?!

BrownEyedGirl86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:56 AM

No. I am a sahm so I will obviously have the child. (should have made that clear) and my mil lives downstairs (inlaw suite) and has next week off which is part of the reason why i think dh wants to ask as well

Quoting Tigress22304:

Okay well did you ask him what type of child care he arranged for his child?!


baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:12 AM
9 moms liked this

I'll give you some things to ponder.

First of all, I will be the first to say, "of course you do not HAVE to do this". We all will.

But then I always think, how is your marriage? Is it strong? Do you want it stronger?

I do things FOR my dh ALL THE TIME i dont particularly enjoy doing. Hate hate hate mowing the yard! Needed done. It's not an all the time thing, so I bite the bullet and do it occasionally. He LOVES me on those days.

In MY marriage, I would say yes to this request. Why not? I do things for him all the time that make him happy and he does me as well.

We have been married for almost two decades and it gets stronger every year.

It's one week out of 52. You wont die.

kss12
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:15 AM
I would be exactly like you are. Annoyed but also thinking he's just a child.
My main concern in this situation would be why didn't dh discuss this with you prior to asking? Maybe you had plans? Unless he's planning on having ss stay with your mil until he gets home.
Dh does this sometimes and it's annoying, I'm a sahm as well, we have 50/50 and I'm ss's primary caregiver when dh isn't home. Dh makes decisions on what weeks he wants in the summer, dh works during both weeks, so I would assume dh would sit down with me and pick out two weeks with me instead of on his own or discussing with ss12. Wish I had advice on how to address this but I don't know how to address it myself :/
BrownEyedGirl86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:18 AM

thank you for this. I don't mind doing this for DH bc i know he will enjoy seeing SS here every day when he get home from work with our dds.

its not that I don't want to do it as much as I think I am worried and stressed about how the week will go - we already have ss from Friday to Monday. I just like to go out and do things during the week and ss tends to make things out side of the house especially difficult. I honestly don't know how to explain it with out typing a novel andmaking it seem like I don't love his son. kwim?


Quoting baparrot2:

I'll give you some things to ponder.

First of all, I will be the first to say, "of course you do not HAVE to do this". We all will.

But then I always think, how is your marriage? Is it strong? Do you want it stronger?

I do things FOR my dh ALL THE TIME i dont particularly enjoy doing. Hate hate hate mowing the yard! Needed done. It's not an all the time thing, so I bite the bullet and do it occasionally. He LOVES me on those days.

In MY marriage, I would say yes to this request. Why not? I do things for him all the time that make him happy and he does me as well.

We have been married for almost two decades and it gets stronger every year.

It's one week out of 52. You wont die.


Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:20 AM

Well did he talk to your MIL about watching her?

I'm a SAHM as well-I don't mind watching the kids as long as DH asks ahead of time-because during the summer-DD10 attends school-so I like to run errands when she's not home-and there are times I just wanna do my own thing.


Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

No. I am a sahm so I will obviously have the child. (should have made that clear) and my mil lives downstairs (inlaw suite) and has next week off which is part of the reason why i think dh wants to ask as well

Quoting Tigress22304:

Okay well did you ask him what type of child care he arranged for his child?!



BrownEyedGirl86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:21 AM

he sort of did discuss it with me - when bm asked him for his weekends so she could go on vacation with him - i asked him not to take ss for my bday bc of the stress he was putting on the household while he was here. i asked for one day that was about what I wanted. and he gave me that. 
I know he loves his son and I love that about him. But I wish dh would see how crappy ss treats me when dh isn't around at times... 

Quoting kss12: I would be exactly like you are. Annoyed but also thinking he's just a child. My main concern in this situation would be why didn't dh discuss this with you prior to asking? Maybe you had plans? Unless he's planning on having ss stay with your mil until he gets home. Dh does this sometimes and it's annoying, I'm a sahm as well, we have 50/50 and I'm ss's primary caregiver when dh isn't home. Dh makes decisions on what weeks he wants in the summer, dh works during both weeks, so I would assume dh would sit down with me and pick out two weeks with me instead of on his own or discussing with ss12. Wish I had advice on how to address this but I don't know how to address it myself :/


leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:23 AM

Do you know why he is asking for the extra days? Did he discuss that with you? I do things for my husband all the time too but we also discuss everything so it wouldn't be something I just found out, that would annoy me.

BrownEyedGirl86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:23 AM

mil's bf is in town - he lives 8 hours away- so I don't expect her to on her week off spend it with my children or even just ss. 
Dh did mention it when bm asked to use his weekends so she could take ss down to NC for 10 days...

I think that a lot of my frustration comes that imo dh allows ss to treat him as second best and only wants to come here when nothing is going on at bm's (and its not bm he wants to spend time with) or when we have something going on here. I don' tthink that is a fair way to be for him to even begin to think its ok 

Quoting Tigress22304:

Well did he talk to your MIL about watching her?

I'm a SAHM as well-I don't mind watching the kids as long as DH asks ahead of time-because during the summer-DD10 attends school-so I like to run errands when she's not home-and there are times I just wanna do my own thing.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

No. I am a sahm so I will obviously have the child. (should have made that clear) and my mil lives downstairs (inlaw suite) and has next week off which is part of the reason why i think dh wants to ask as well

Quoting Tigress22304:

Okay well did you ask him what type of child care he arranged for his child?!


kss12
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:24 AM
1 mom liked this
Being a sm is hard! I know exactly how you feel. Is it that ss treats you crappy or just tests you more to see what he can get away with?
Ss acts differently when dh isn't around, but I call ss out on it when dh gets home and ss has acted the same around both of us ever since. Depending on the age, I assume he's probably just testing his boundaries, and you have to respond to that as if he were your own.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

he sort of did discuss it with me - when bm asked him for his weekends so she could go on vacation with him - i asked him not to take ss for my bday bc of the stress he was putting on the household while he was here. i asked for one day that was about what I wanted. and he gave me that. I know he loves his son and I love that about him. But I wish dh would see how crappy ss treats me when dh isn't around at times... 

Quoting kss12: I would be exactly like you are. Annoyed but also thinking he's just a child.
My main concern in this situation would be why didn't dh discuss this with you prior to asking? Maybe you had plans? Unless he's planning on having ss stay with your mil until he gets home.
Dh does this sometimes and it's annoying, I'm a sahm as well, we have 50/50 and I'm ss's primary caregiver when dh isn't home. Dh makes decisions on what weeks he wants in the summer, dh works during both weeks, so I would assume dh would sit down with me and pick out two weeks with me instead of on his own or discussing with ss12. Wish I had advice on how to address this but I don't know how to address it myself :/

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