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Is is so absurd to admit that kids (bio or step) can be a burden?

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:40 AM
  • 37 Replies
5 moms liked this
From my short time being on cm, I've seen many supportive and understanding responses to posts were a SM is discussing the difficulties she has with being a SM; but I also see a lot of responses along the lines of: you knew he had kids when you met him (i.e., so why are you complaining), SK is a child and you should be finding the best in them (implying that it is wholey inappropriate to even criticize a child), etc. I'm the type of mom who is secure enough in myself and my love and skills as a mom (both bio and step) to say that I'm a great mom, but that my kids (again both bio and step) can be an annoyance and even a burden to me. Doesnt mean that I love them any less or that I dont want them to be in my life; but the fact is that bringing my kids with to do grocery shopping ends up taking twice as long and me saying "no" to a million ridiculous requests (hence, it's a burden/annoyance). I dont understand why as mom's we are not able to state this simple fact without being labeled as the worse mom of the year. I can easily say a 20 things that I love and adore about my kids, but I can also say 20 things that I dislike about them as well, and that just makes me honest, not a bad mom.
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:49 AM
1 mom liked this

I think it is the nature of internet forums and motherhood is an especially sensitive topic.

Wednesday800
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:00 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree, however I feel that if a SM comes to this forum seeking to vent/advice and makes a very ligitimate statement that she's experiencing some level of frustration with the burden/annoyance of her SKs, that the immediate rejection of her honest feelings could just shut her down and deter her from further seeking the support she needs. I know that for me many times when I feeling that level of frustration and vent about it, all I need to hear is a simple "yep, sometimes kids just suck" response to feel better/not alone.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

I think it is the nature of internet forums and motherhood is an especially sensitive topic.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:07 AM

Oh, I fully agree, I don't think some people realize or really care how what they say affect others, that is the world we live in unfortunately.

Quoting Wednesday800: I agree, however I feel that if a SM comes to this forum seeking to vent/advice and makes a very ligitimate statement that she's experiencing some level of frustration with the burden/annoyance of her SKs, that the immediate rejection of her honest feelings could just shut her down and deter her from further seeking the support she needs. I know that for me many times when I feeling that level of frustration and vent about it, all I need to hear is a simple "yep, sometimes kids just suck" response to feel better/not alone.
Quoting leegirl_jm:

I think it is the nature of internet forums and motherhood is an especially sensitive topic.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:14 AM
2 moms liked this

Yep get annoyed with my kids but I am never burdened by them.  Maybe I just have better behaved kids than average.  When I take them to the store and they start the asking for crap, if I say no they know I mean no.  Maybe it is my understanding of the difference of the words annoy and burden.  They just don't mean the same thing.  Yes, my son jibberjabbering can get on my nerves, but HE is not a burden.  My daughter with her nose in her phone all. the. time. is annoying, but she is never a burden.  Being momentarily irritating or annoying does not equal being a burden.

GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:16 AM

If the skids are a burden I think that means SM is taking on too much of something in the regards of her skids.  If SM backs up and hands whatever she has taken on then they are no longer a burden.  They aren't your kids so that is acceptable to do.

Quoting Wednesday800: I agree, however I feel that if a SM comes to this forum seeking to vent/advice and makes a very ligitimate statement that she's experiencing some level of frustration with the burden/annoyance of her SKs, that the immediate rejection of her honest feelings could just shut her down and deter her from further seeking the support she needs. I know that for me many times when I feeling that level of frustration and vent about it, all I need to hear is a simple "yep, sometimes kids just suck" response to feel better/not alone.
Quoting leegirl_jm:

I think it is the nature of internet forums and motherhood is an especially sensitive topic.


Wednesday800
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:19 AM
1 mom liked this
I didnt mean to use the words annoy and burden to mean the same thing - I used burden as defined as "bearing a load" - which for me is true. My kids create extra work that I must to that I would not have to if they were not around. I bear the extra work they require and sometimes I do it with grace and ease and other times when I'm tired or stressed at work I do it with some begrudgenly; and again, I dont think that makes me a bad mom, just honest about how I sometimes feel cleaning up messes in my house that I didnt create.

Quoting GlockMom:

Yep get annoyed with my kids but I am never burdened by them.  Maybe I just have better behaved kids than average.  When I take them to the store and they start the asking for crap, if I say no they know I mean no.  Maybe it is my understanding of the difference of the words annoy and burden.  They just don't mean the same thing.  Yes, my son jibberjabbering can get on my nerves, but HE is not a burden.  My daughter with her nose in her phone all. the. time. is annoying, but she is never a burden.  Being momentarily irritating or annoying does not equal being a burden.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:36 AM

Raising children is the most difficult job I have ever done, it is tough.

Pero3
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:44 AM
1 mom liked this
The fact that you bear the extra work they create suggests you have a husband problem. I've been with my DF for nearly 6 years, not once did he "have to" do something related to DD, not once did I even ask him "could you do xyz?". Whatever he does he ACTIVELY volunteers to do!

Quoting Wednesday800: I didnt mean to use the words annoy and burden to mean the same thing - I used burden as defined as "bearing a load" - which for me is true. My kids create extra work that I must to that I would not have to if they were not around. I bear the extra work they require and sometimes I do it with grace and ease and other times when I'm tired or stressed at work I do it with some begrudgenly; and again, I dont think that makes me a bad mom, just honest about how I sometimes feel cleaning up messes in my house that I didnt create.

Quoting GlockMom:

Yep get annoyed with my kids but I am never burdened by them.  Maybe I just have better behaved kids than average.  When I take them to the store and they start the asking for crap, if I say no they know I mean no.  Maybe it is my understanding of the difference of the words annoy and burden.  They just don't mean the same thing.  Yes, my son jibberjabbering can get on my nerves, but HE is not a burden.  My daughter with her nose in her phone all. the. time. is annoying, but she is never a burden.  Being momentarily irritating or annoying does not equal being a burden.

Bubbles2014
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 10:49 AM
DH has done it all from day one. If he needs help, he asks. Sometimes I volunteer, but he never takes me for granted. So, no. Not a burden in that sense.

With both of their respective diasbilities, it cam become emotionally draining though.
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cdrainey3
by Cher on Jul. 23, 2014 at 11:03 AM
Exactly this. Annoying? Yes! A burden? NEVER!

Quoting GlockMom:

Yep get annoyed with my kids but I am never burdened by them.  Maybe I just have better behaved kids than average.  When I take them to the store and they start the asking for crap, if I say no they know I mean no.  Maybe it is my understanding of the difference of the words annoy and burden.  They just don't mean the same thing.  Yes, my son jibberjabbering can get on my nerves, but HE is not a burden.  My daughter with her nose in her phone all. the. time. is annoying, but she is never a burden.  Being momentarily irritating or annoying does not equal being a burden.

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