DF & I got engaged over the weekend, as I stated in my last post. I have a great relationship with all 4 of my skids. Last night DF wanted to talk to me about SD12. For a little background, SD12 is a near perfect child. She is sweet, funny, snuggly, and just very lovable. But she keeps her emotions to herself. If she is upset, she just wont talk.
So anyway, last night DF tells me that SD13 & SD12 knew about the engagement for months. Its all they could talk about, they cant wait for the wedding and that they even helped pick out my ring. But when DF went to drop the kids off at BMs the day before we were getting engaged, SD12 broke down into hysterics. Through her jibberish (as he called it) she said:
1. Im lazy and dont do enough around the house -- Reality: I work full time, take my 2 kids plus SS15 to all their ECs 5-6 days a week with muliple ECs on the same day, clean the entire house once a week, cook dinner half the week, and do everyone's laundry (thats laundry for 8 people!). But DF jokes and calls me lazy, because Im so obviously not, and I think this is where she might be getting that idea.
2. I boss them around -- Reality: Those werent her exact words but that was basically what she was trying to say. I only tell them what to do if DF isnt around, such as "come in and eat lunch" or "dad told me to have you guys clean your room." The only one I raise my voice to is SD9 and I only do that when she is speaking disrespectfully to me. I never ever interupt DF when he is telling that what to do. I let DF parent them 100%.
3. I favor SD13 -- Reality: Truth. Well, I dont favor her (as in she gets whatever she wants and screw everyone else), but I have an extremely close relationship with her. I let all my skids set the boundaries with our relationship. I didnt force myself on them. But SD13 is like my little puppy dog and tells me everything. SD12, while we do have a great relationship, I am probably the least close to her out of the 4.
And to move on....after crying to DF, SD12 went into her Moms and that night SD13 texts DF saying that SD12 is hysterical crying again because she is scared that DF isnt going to propose now and she wants us to get married.
DF & I were discussing this all last night and we think its more of a "Mom & Dad are never getting back together" issue and she is projecting that on to me. Which I totally get. DF wants me to kind of now "force" myself on to her a little bit more. I guess just like go out of my way to build our relationship, which even now is a good relationship, but it isnt at all like my relationship with SD13. And Im fine with doing this, but I just dont know how. I dont want her to feel like Im forcing it or only doing it because she was upset. How do I go about this?
Thank you & sorry its so long!