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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

I know its a DH problem, but....

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:06 AM
  • 60 Replies
1 mom liked this

I just have to vent before I explode!

So I will summarize this long story as best I can, but it may be kind of long. In the CO, Dh and Bm have 50/50, with DH being primary. However, in reality, Dh has the kids about 60-75% of the time. I have 2 boys that I brought into the relationship, and I have them 100% of the time.

So, when we got married, I had to move to a different city to be with him. I left my job after we had decided I would be a SAHM for a year to help everyone adjust, finish my schooling and be able to volunteer at the school. All is fine and I finished my schooling a couple weeks ago. I was offered a job in my field 2 months before I graduted. I was very excited and accepted, only working one day a week through the summer, with the agreement to pick up more come back-to-school.

A few things happen (mostly Bm got a new job), and I had to stop working in my dream job after only 3 weeks. Luckily, they understand that it is only a summer time hiatus, but I am still very sad as I watch my fellow students all working while I just sit here all summer. (I worked a few times, but not enough and have subbed a couple times).

So, all that said, I am already a bit irritated because I love to work and was very excited to be offered the job.This is the longest I have ever in my life not worked.

This all leads me up to why I need to vent. Before I say it, I know it may be petty. I just need to get it out of my head so I can move on with my day. Its been bugging me nonstop for the week now.

Last summer, we had the issue of me becoming the "built in babysitter", and its starting again. Dh will say "oh, I forgot, the boys will be here all week. They will be dropped of at 6am every day". If I have any reaction other than excitement, then he gets instantly offended and pissed off, acting like I don't like his kids. Heres the thing. Its not him getting time with the kids, because he is at work all day long. And on the days where they don't stay here all night, and go back to Bms house, she picks them up a few minutes before he gets home, so he doesn't even see them at all.

This kind of deal gives me zero time to rearrange anything I may need to rearrange. It means I can not sub for anyone who may ask me to. It means I may not have prepared to have enough food for a whole week of two extra kids (one is almost 13...they eat ALOT). But most of all, it means that Dh doesn't respect my time enought TO ASK.

Seriously, just freaking ask me. I would say "of course it is fine". But the fact that it is just assumed that I will do it and then TOLD TO me, pisses me off.

I am so very glad Bm has a new job. I am willing to do this to help out. (btw, Bm and I do not have each others phone numbers so she isn't the one I deal with, not because of any conflict, but because my Dh procreated with her, not me, so he can communicate. We are friendly and there are no problems there, so this isn't an issue with her).

So, as a SAHM (at Dh's request), does my time really not count enough to at least ASK me???

by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kss12
by Bronze Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:23 AM
2 moms liked this
Probably not.
Until you stand up to your husband he will keep doing this.
When I became a sahm after we had our son, I was expected to take care of ss as well. Bm doesn't work so I don't know why she doesn't offer to care for ss.
Dh didn't discuss his decisions with me because he wasn't used to it. He didn't have a serious girlfriend and didn't have a relationship with bm as it was a fling, so when it came to decisions made for his son he would do them alone. Once I came into the picture and became a sahm is when I made it clear to him that he is to run any and all decisions he makes by me as I do with him regarding our son.
After that he understands.
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:23 AM

I am confused as to why it was BM who had anything to do with why you cant work at your dream job. Lets clear that up first.

kss12
by Bronze Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:35 AM
This as well, as really BM shouldn't effect you in any way shape or form.

Quoting baparrot2:

I am confused as to why it was BM who had anything to do with why you cant work at your dream job. Lets clear that up first.

3sillykids
by Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:37 AM

Bm's job that she started a couple weeks ago isn't a set schedule (not like Mon-Fri, 8-5). It changes every week. So, I never know ahead of time when the kids will be here and when they won't, other than the regular scheduled time. Bm and my Dh go over the schedule, and he just says "yes, she (me) will keep them", instead of something like "let me see if she can keep them on that schedule".

The oldest SS, almost 13, is ADHD and has to be on medication. He is not allowed to be left alone, let alone babysit. So, the babysitter I acquired to watch my two boys while I worked (both 7 year olds) was a teenage girl, who was uncomfortable watching an almost teenage boy. (she is almost 14...SS is almost 13).

Does that answer the question?

3sillykids
by Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:41 AM

As I said, BM and I have a perfectly fine relationship. This is strictly due to her new job that I have the kids so much more than expected this summer. Bm effects me because I am keeping all the kids all summer long to accomodate her new job.


KyBballMom
by Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:49 AM
Find another babysitter.
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:49 AM

Ummmmm.....this one is pretty simple unless there is some underlying thing you are not telling us about. Your job is being a sub right? EVERYONE knows that subs are on an on call basis. Everyone also knows that sub jobs sometimes turn into full time teaching positions.

It really sounds like you need to explain to your DH that you didnt go to school and finish just to be a built in babysitter. But let me ask you this.....what do you do with YOUR kids when you sub?

3sillykids
by Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:52 AM

I was teaching a weekly class (I am a yoga teacher, not a school teacher). Every teacher at a studio is also on the sub list. So, anytime I had my class, or was scheduled to sub someone's class, the babysitter I mentioned previously would come to watch them. (It was really convenient, since she lives right down the street).

3sillykids
by Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:54 AM

I tried that. Every other teenager I met with, had a crazy amount of trips, camps, classes, etc planned. The others all had jobs. I had a mother in the neighborhood who does in home child care, but she could only take on 2, not 4 kids.

Quoting KyBballMom: Find another babysitter.


KikiB85
by Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:55 AM
Im IN The Same boat. I get told when my SDD is coming and almost never asked. It irritates me. Even when i did work I'd walk in the door and he would go out.
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