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am I unreasonable?

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:13 AM
  • 18 Replies
Long story short ss14 mother has supervised visits and grandma sees him when he has visits with his sister whom she has custody of. Every other holiday/break and two weekends a month they are supposed to have visits between S's and his sister. The weekends are supposed to meet halfway between the 6 hr drive. Grandma hasn't drove sister for weekends in two years. Sister also refuses to come here most of the time. The last time was over a 1 1/2 years ago. Sister is a BRAT. She is not mine or my dh. When she comes she completely ignores the rest of the house. She has even said she doesn't have to talk to the rest of us as she is only here for her brother. All last year Ss went there. This summer husband said he is staying here. Now dh is insisting to comply with Co sister comes out. I said no. I'm almost 31 week pregnant. I'm high risk and dealing with both pregnancy induced hypertension and gestational diabetes. I'm one step away from being bedridden! I don't want to entertain a bratty teen with no connection to me. Normaly I would suck it up but right now I cant. And dh works all the time so it's not like it would fall on his shoulders. Am I being unreasonable? Or is the timing just bad?
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MBanks524
by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 5:39 AM
I'd take care of you and that baby, first. I'd send SK this time and bring sister after baby is born.
kellynh
by Kelly on Jul. 25, 2014 at 6:44 AM

How can it be co'd that DH HAS to babysit a child that is not his for the weekend? 

chanizen
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 7:00 AM
1 mom liked this
If dh considers her an important guest, then you may have to give up the "she isn't his" portion of the objection. It is just to foster the sibling relationship right?

Is dh thinking that the sister may help with watching/ entertaining ss? Also, how much work is she really? If it is just her giving attitude, I would ignore it and let dh pick up after her/ do things for her when he gets home. It isn't going to risk your health to have a teen who ignores you. Ignore her ignoring you....

I might rethink this objection. Especially if it is just "she is ignoring me". Let dh handle it or go stay with your mom if necessary. Maybe the sister will say no anyways. How does ss feel about it?
sorrow63
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 7:05 AM

For a short time , you and the baby must come first.  It would be foolish to agree to a plan that could compromise the health of you and this child.  It is not unreasonable in my opinion, it an intelligent decision based on putting your risky pregnancy situation as a priority.  Your husband should be on  board with this....

whatIknownow
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 7:20 AM

I don't think the sister should come there, but, I think since you can't have her there, the brother should go to grandma's.

jlg12678
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 7:34 AM
This.

While I agree that fostering a sibling relationship is important in some situations I'd find a lawyer and try to have it removed. These visits should be taking place in the best interests of everyone and that's clearly not happening.

Quoting kellynh:

How can it be co'd that DH HAS to babysit a child that is not his for the weekend? 

Debisevil
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 7:54 AM
If it isn't even his bio kid i don't understand why he wants this kid yhere
tiafez
by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 8:16 AM

since she's consistantly refused to come to your home then no, you're not being unreasonable. You are also delicate healthwise and that takes front seat. I do think this time, SS should go there and if that cannot happen then nothing should happen. 

BMisSHITE
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 8:23 AM

You are not unreasonable. You have a right to avoid stress and he can figure it out. 

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 9:15 AM

So grandma is both kids grandma?  BM had a child with someone else before she had a child with your DH?

How old is she?  How long were BM and DH together?  

Does SS see BM on these visits?

Why does DH want to change the pattern for the past two years?

What does SS say?

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