I'm new here, so hello.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years, together for 12. He has 2 children, 15 and 16 yrs old, from a previous marriage that lasted almost 2 years, one child is biologically his, the other is not and does not know it. They live in another town- same state. My husband and his ex do not get along.
Long story short, I have not seen my step kids in 2 years. Their mother has been in trouble for drug use in the past, does not work and does not "parent" her children, (the last part is my opinion based on past and current events). Her family is very well off and pay all of her monthly expenses, groceries, cars. She has no mortgage since her house was built by her father and paid in full.
A few months ago my 16 yr old stepson got into serious trouble with the law. Charges were brought up against him but later dropped. We think his grandfather's money had something to with the charges being dropped, but have no proof. He is on a 1 yr probation. She ended up pulling the two kids out of school because of the incident, so he did not pass 10th grade. There was no attempt to make up classes over the summer.
Last week my stepson called us and asked us if he could come live with us. He said in the current environment he does not feel that he will make it, (staying out of trouble, re enrolling in school and doing well in school, etc). Per the "parole", if he gets in any trouble at all, the charges will be reinstated and he will be tried as an adult.
So after some deliberation we have agreed to have him come live with us so he can get back into school and change his life around. He seems genuinely interested in starting over and in trying to become a better, well behaved, educated person.
I am unable to have children so I have zero experience raising kids, let alone a troubled teenager. I am excited and terrified at the same time.
My husband and I do not come wealthy families. Everything we have we have worked hard for and built from scratch. We have a successful business that we started 6 yrs ago. We are well respected in our community.
My stepson has had everything handed to him on a silver platter, from horses,guns, boats, ATV's to luxury resort homes, expensive vacations, designer clothes, (all funded by his grandparents since his mother does not work). He was also given a brand new truck shortly after the charges were "dropped".
I'm trying to give you an idea of the environment he is coming from. Living with us will be a culture shock I think.
I'm not sure what questions to ask, but I feel like I'm in for a shock as well.
My stepson and I have always gotten along well. I am strict and not a pushover and he knows it. But any kind of interaction we have ever had in the past has been limited to weekends and the occasional holiday. And, like I mentioned before, I have not seen him in two years.
Is there anyone out there who is/has been in a similar situation? I have a laundry list of rules I expect him to follow. My husband agrees to a certain extent, but feels we should ease in to them and not throw all these changes at him all at once.
Any advice would be appreciated.