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giving children the choice

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 6:26 PM
  • 25 Replies
So I had DD for the past week. We have 50/50 custody. She was supposed to go back yesterday but exh asked if I could keep her cause he got invited to a concert. And asked if I wanted to keep DD. I did.

We'll today she went to daycare while I worked. Daycare called me and said DD is throwing up, I tell exh. And he asks if I want his girlfriend to meet me so I could go back to work. I told him I would let DD decide.

We'll she chose to stay with me till her dad got off work. No problem there, at least one of her parents are with her.

Would you let the child decide? Exh said he would still get her after he got off work which is fine, it's his time.
by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 6:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 6:29 PM
4 moms liked this

No.  I don't let children decide.  That forces them to choose between parents.

Parents decide.  Let kids be kids.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 6:29 PM

 younger ones probably not unless the situation was civil on all sides. older ones i might listen to.

Bubbles2014
by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 6:48 PM
Have you met gf? Has DD? How old is DD?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
codysara
by Silver Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 6:50 PM
This!!! Kids should not be consulted in drop off /pick up...ever!! That leads to miscommunication and feeling like they are forced to choose parents. Why ever make your kid feel like that??

Quoting pdxmum:

No.  I don't let children decide.  That forces them to choose between parents.

Parents decide.  Let kids be kids.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 6:56 PM
2 moms liked this

Silly you - you already know this info.

Quoting Bubbles2014: Have you met gf? Has DD? How old is DD?


SKW86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 6:56 PM

She is my ex-bestfriend of 15 years. So yes we both know her. exh wouldnt have been there, he is at work. His exact text was "Do you want me to see if gf will meet you to take her so you can go back to work". So exh wouldn be there. 

Things are civil. DD said she wanted to go to my house. She wanted her mommy, She is 5 years old. exh is still taking her back tonight since she was supposed to go back anyways. 

Quoting Bubbles2014: Have you met gf? Has DD? How old is DD?


Bubbles2014
by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 6:57 PM
I think you have your people confused.



Quoting pdxmum:

Silly you - you already know this info.

Quoting Bubbles2014: Have you met gf? Has DD? How old is DD?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Bubbles2014
by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 7:00 PM
Ah okay. Yeah I can see at 5, most kids would want mom.

Quoting SKW86:

She is my ex-bestfriend of 15 years. So yes we both know her. exh wouldnt have been there, he is at work. His exact text was "Do you want me to see if gf will meet you to take her so you can go back to work". So exh wouldn be there. 

Things are civil. DD said she wanted to go to my house. She wanted her mommy, She is 5 years old. exh is still taking her back tonight since she was supposed to go back anyways. 

Quoting Bubbles2014: Have you met gf? Has DD? How old is DD?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 7:02 PM

Yes, I'd let the child decide.  She wasn't given an option to choose between parents, she was given the option to choose between BM and SM.  Not the same as choosing between BF and BM IMO. 

I've given my boys the option since they were young, heck, even BF has, and they've never once chosen BFs home.  There was a time the choice was between my home and xMILs home (50/50 for which way they'd choose, always my home at night though).  Now the choice is to stay home (my home) alone or xMILs.  ODS16 always chooses home alone.  YDS12 mostly will choose xMIL but sometimes chooses to stay alone (depending on  how long he'd be alone).  YDS feels 'at home' in my home and xMILs home, but not BFs home (neither boy ever has felt BFs home was their home too). 

SKW86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 7:06 PM

Just to add, I would have been totally fine with her going to her dad's house and being with his GF. GF's actions on her part of breaking up my family has never had any wrong/horrible thoughts of her being mean/not treating my DD right. I don't like her actions but it doesnt change that she would treat my daughter good. Even tho Exh has told me that he has had to "put her in her place" when it comes to DD. 

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