Quick backstory is that DH I recently moved out of state for my job (I am breadwinner) and SS10 and SD14 came to live with us while SD13 was going to stay with BM for the school year. Anyway, SD12 came to visit us for a short time this summer and then went back to BM because SD's BFF had come from TX (where she moved last year) to visit her grandma and friends for the summer. SD and her BFF have the exact same birthday so they wanted to celebrate together, which is understandable. Up until now SD was basking in the freedom of summer and being with friends that she was a happy camper and basicallly ignored the drama that was happening between her BM and her husband, SD's SF. But we found out today that yesterday SF lost his temper over something minor and started chocking one of their dogs, so BFF who was in the room, yelled at him to stop, and SF responded, "shut up B**ch, or I'll choke you too!". So then either SD overheard or BFF told her and they basically ran away from the house and went to stay with BFF's grandma. Later SD sent a nasty text to SF that was saying she would not go home until he was gone for good. Then SD told BM that if she didn't divorce him then she would go live with her Dad. Anyway, when BM called DH originally to explain the situation she was saying that her marriage was over and they talked about whether SD13 should come live with us. BM also mentioned that SD13 agreed to go with her to southern ca, where BM parents lives, if she does leave her husband. Anyway, a few hours later BM called DH back and said she is not ready to give up on her marriage yet but that SD might change her mind about coming back with her so she didnt want to make any decisions yet. So that is what we are left with right now. We have no idea what to do, should DH intervene or just let this play out? BM has kind of a co-dependent relationship with SD13 and SD feels the need to protect her and be there for her, so I think if SD chose or was forced to move here she would feel guilty and probably a little angry and take out her frustrations on us (she has done similar things in the past). For background, she lived with DH and I for the past 6 years, this would be the first year living with BM. She used to idolize her mom a lot and had some anger towards DH because BM was not in her life other than for summer and holidays. Now, she sees that her BM has troubles (she is bipolar) but she has a lot of sympathy for her and wants to be her savior in a sense. Anyway, I dont what is the best solution, nor does DH, we are just kinda of standing by right now.