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Using School Records Against the Other Parent

Posted by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:18 PM
  • 44 Replies

is this just a sign of a contentious situation? 

My daughter missed 20 days last year. The year before that, not many, but the year before that one? Quite a few. 

Do people really believe that absences, not in the exorbitant (half the year, plus) really matter? 

Sometimes kids have more issue than other years, is that really a reason to try to get custody? What if the kid is really sick at your house and misses quite a few days, should custody go back to the parent you think was horrible for that same reason?

by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
....ClvrScn.
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:22 PM
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In DH's situation, I would say yes it does matter. SD missed 20+ days of school because of BM's Illness' not SD's. If BM cannot provide adequate educational care for SD, in this stage in her illness - which is just going to continue getting worse - then maybe she shouldn't be the parent responsible for her education.

tinybluemoon
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:26 PM
2 moms liked this
That is why you get doctors notes. My kids can only miss 7 days of school a year, unauthorized. If you don't I think it is a good enough excuse to go back to court, especially as the child is very sick but is not getting medical treatment.
bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:38 PM
defiantly depends on the situation. DH had 50/50 EOW custody last year. He drove every day 2 hours each way to get ss to school. He was out for 2 days on DH's time because BM sent him with impetigo and told DH to deal with it. That being said...ss was late 9 times to school (BM's time ...she lived less than a mile from the school) and was absent (excused 4 times unexcused 6 times). This does not count the week that she left and yanked him out of the first school...enrolled him in another...and the next week her moving again ...yanking him out of yet another school and putting him in this last school. That was a big deal in the eyes of the court. the inconsistency .

In GA..i think the standard is 10 times absent whether it is excused or not and you automatically get held back. at least that is what I have heard. im sure if there was a serious illness you could go to the school board or something...but...wouldn't the other parent KNOW that the child has been sick?
codysara
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:39 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes it is! Ss missed 29 days of school. They did not have to let him graduate. No illness and bm never took him to the dr. Yes it is a reason to get custody changed. Either ss has a medical problem and she has neglected addressing it, or she doesnt take school seriously.
packermom4ever
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:45 PM


Quoting bertaboo1: ..wouldn't the other parent KNOW that the child has been sick?

That also depends on the situation. My ex has no clue that our daughter had surgery. He gets all the eobs but admitted he doesn't like to read his mail so he just tosses it. He'd know if he opened his mail (I've only talked to him once since the surgery that happened in March and he didn't ask about the kids or bring it up and we talked way after it happened). 

She missed as many days as she did due to recurrent bouts of strep (immune to antibiotics), a tonsillectomy, a stomach virus that lasted an entire week (we weren't sure if that was what it was, took her to the dr. even and no one else caught it), and a couple of migraines (may or may not have been related to the infection that we didn't know we weren't getting rid of)... 

My ex knows about none of it. 

My son missed nearly half the time his sister did - a virus that mimicked appendicitis that lasted a week and two rounds of a stomach flu early in the year.

Now, if my ex decided to be an ass and go check their records he, hypothetically, could decide that he needed to fight for custody based on numbers, even though he hasn't been involved, doesn't know what was going on. 

He'd lose due to the fact that I have doctors notes for every last thing because if there is anything this board has taught me, it's cover your butt on the off chance your ex acts like a douche.

So, no, not every parent will know.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:57 PM

If there are legitimate reasons for the absences, then it can't be used successfully against the custodial parent. Absences can matter and some schools are pretty strict about this.

jlg12678
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:57 PM

I think it's situational.

If there are no medical reasons/legitimate reasons to back excessive absences and the child is struggling in school with their grades I would seriously consider using it if the other parent wasn't willing to discuss the issues with me and work together on a solution. This means they disregard your concern and have no real reasons for why the kids is missing school/struggling.

My son missed quite a lot of school in the spring as he was dealing with serious health issues and prior to getting diagnosed was spending days at a time in the hospital. His dad knew/was involved and neither of us would have used this against the other as what's the point? It's something out of our control and we were both involved and knew what was going on.

My dh uses school records to make sure his kids are keeping up with their grades and are attending as they should be. As bm doesn't discuss anything with him this is one of the ways he can have an accurate view of their grades/attendance. As an example, osd had eleven absences from her first class last semester. My dh talked to her about it and she was using bm as her ride to school instead of the school bus. That's fine if the other parent gets them there on time but since that wasn't happening my husband told her (osd) that she was old enough to ensure she made it to school on time and if that meant taking the bus or riding her bike (both are regular options she uses) that was what she needed to do. She now rides the bus daily and hasn't had issues since then. He regularly puts the onus back on the kids as they are teens and arent' fully dependant on a parent for something as simple as getting to school on time.

 

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:58 PM

It depends on the reasons for the absences. 

If the child is sick with a chronic/explained illness, then no, it's NOT a reason, as the symptoms/illness would be with the child wherever he/she lived. 

if the child is absent because one parent couldn't bother to get them to school, claimed the student wouldn't go to school (and the parent didn't force them to go), then, yes, that's likely a good reason to reevaluate the living sitution and custody. 

I do NOT think a doctors note need to be presented for every illness if there is a chronic/recurring issue, or some 'epidemic' going around the area the student lives in.  If I lived on the other coast where flu epidemics seem to go around entire schools/towns, I'd keep my WELL child home, out of school, out of activities, in order to try to avoid them catching it too.  There would be no doctors note involved in that.  Living where I do (So Cal), we rarely have these issues (none ever in our school/district, that I'm aware of) so I've not done this but I have friends back 'east' who've kept their children home to try to prevent them catching whatever it going around (those that end up closing schools for a few days/weeks because so many students and teachers have whatever it is being passed around).  So, my kid, with their own illnesses and trying to prevent the next one, could have quite a few absences in a year, but that would NOT be a reason to change custody.  I'd fight that one.    But, if I let them stay home because we'd rather play xbox or just not wake up on time on the cold mornings in January or something silly like that, yeah, I'd think that'd be cause to revisit custody, as that's unacceptable. 

bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 2:00 PM
in your particular situation though...he is not involved at all. so much so...his kids don't even talk to him. honestly it's a shame. it's a douchnozzle move on his part and the kids suffer. But...for the involved parents...those 50/50 sitches...parent A schedules a surgery and doesn't tell parent B about it? until right before or right after? Asshole move. Or the child has been sick with strep all week and been out of school, has antibiotic that must be taken...and parent A doesn't tell parent B nor does parent A give parent B medicine the child must take. another asshole move. Who suffers the most? the kid. Parent A may not be Parent B's "secretary" but common courtesy on what is going on with the child could make a world of difference.

As for your kids, bless their hearts. And bless yours as well. That had to be hell to deal with. This is going to sound strange but...do you have any catnip growing where you are? Strip the leaves and break them in a cup or pot of boiling and let it steep until its cool enough to drink. The tea has awesome antiseptic properties. It also settles an upset stomach. Like I said...I know it sounds odd...but sometimes those backwoods hick cures work.

Quoting packermom4ever:

Quoting bertaboo1: ..wouldn't the other parent KNOW that the child has been sick?

That also depends on the situation. My ex has no clue that our daughter had surgery. He gets all the eobs but admitted he doesn't like to read his mail so he just tosses it. He'd know if he opened his mail (I've only talked to him once since the surgery that happened in March and he didn't ask about the kids or bring it up and we talked way after it happened). 

She missed as many days as she did due to recurrent bouts of strep (immune to antibiotics), a tonsillectomy, a stomach virus that lasted an entire week (we weren't sure if that was what it was, took her to the dr. even and no one else caught it), and a couple of migraines (may or may not have been related to the infection that we didn't know we weren't getting rid of)... 

My ex knows about none of it. 

My son missed nearly half the time his sister did - a virus that mimicked appendicitis that lasted a week and two rounds of a stomach flu early in the year.

Now, if my ex decided to be an ass and go check their records he, hypothetically, could decide that he needed to fight for custody based on numbers, even though he hasn't been involved, doesn't know what was going on. 

He'd lose due to the fact that I have doctors notes for every last thing because if there is anything this board has taught me, it's cover your butt on the off chance your ex acts like a douche.

So, no, not every parent will know.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 2:03 PM
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I think its situational.

If I were a NCP and I saw that my child had missed a lot of school that I wasn't aware of, I'd contact their other parent and ask questions.

If at that point I wasn't satisfied with the answers or I reveived answers that didn't sit well with me, I'd look into it further (request medical records or whatever). If necessary, I would take it to court.

DH took BM to court a couple of times over SD's pre-school attendance, only because it was linked with SD's therapy attendance. She only got physical, occcupational, and speech therapies at pre-school. So, when SD didn't attend, she missed medical treatment. She ended up missing about 45% of her school days, but almost 60% of therapy days due to how the schedule worked. She attended sxhool Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and had therapy 1-2 times a week. The records showed that the teacher a,d therapists tried several times to contact BM to re_schedule therapy as well (nothing got rescheduled)

The judge was NOT happy with BM. Again, part of the reaso, DH now has custody.

SD missed a bit of school last year for medical appointments. The year before was twice as many.
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