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Getting sick of my filthy SS and his oblivious Mother

Posted by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 7:56 PM
  • 32 Replies

Question:  Because BioMom is including me in the conversation, should I say what I think?

Story: BioMom informs me & DH via Facebook, that SS has PinkEye. It really isn't a surprise, considering how disgustingly filthy he is every week when he is picked up to spend 3 days with us. Seriously, every week I cut pack his nails (It's amazing how fast his nails and hair grows). I also, everyday, clean the dirt out from his nails, brush his teeth and bathe him which I'm pretty certain isn't done when he is at her house but maybe once a week (her 4 days).

Anyhow, this last weekend, when I cleaned his nails I could see the layers of junk. Dark brown, light brown, black, more light brown. That had to be several days of dirt/food/poop/etc.   I wanted to vomit thinking about what exactly that 'stuff' was and how he actually ate with those nasty fingers. Not to mention fiddling with his loose tooth. There is a one hour drive between her house and ours. I have to deal with the fact that his nasty fingers touch my car, my DH and my house before I can lead him to the bathroom and clean him up.

Facts: 

SS has autism- doesn't wash his hands and doesn't wipe with toilet paper after he poops. 

DH thinks it's gross too, but isn't going to make a big deal about it to BM; he just blows it off as her being a bad mom and glad that I'm there to take care of SS for the 3 days we have him.

I understand boys are gross at this age (My DS incuded) , and will eventually grow out of it.... SS probably won't due to Autism and BM isn't willing to re-enforce good hygiene at her house.


EDITED: See reply no. 28 for todays disaster.

by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 7:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 8:14 PM
Sounds like how my child looks after school almost every day... some kids just get really dirty.

How old is he? What is the issue with the toilet paper? Is it a sensory thing? If so there are other options.

I wouldn't blame this all on BM though. Sounds like dad has the kid almost half the time and isn't interested in his hygiene either, our he'd be the one clipping nails and actively teaching hygiene routines...
GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 8:18 PM
Sounds like what my son looks like right now. He spends 3 days every week with you guys? Maybe she isn't clipping his nails because it is done at your house. Do you really have to cut his nails every week?
chanizen
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 8:18 PM
1 mom liked this

What is bf doing for his care?  Is he teaching ss hygiene?

GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 8:21 PM
Oh, wipes! Buy him those flushable wipes for his bum. If he is autistic maybe the feel of the paper negatively affects his senses. He may use the wet wipes more willingly.
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 8:26 PM

It's got nothing to do with autism. It's mainly a hygiene issue.

My daughter is autistic,SS isn't.

His nails we check every weekend,because they ate cruddy. He will not allow BM near his nails because of a freak accident of her cleaning them with a toothpick.

So,what dad did,was teach SS how to keep his nails neat and trimmed.

When it comes to the bathroom,try having him use wet wipes. My DD has been caught trying to wash her bottom with her bare hands in the sink. So, I started having her use wet wipes to ensure she's fully cleaned down there,then we wash her hands and nails. And pink eye is contagious,he must have been in contact with someone who has it.

Lord knows my DD has had that many times. If he contacted this through school,make sure you let his teachers know,so they can fully clean everything he comes in contact with.

KeepOnTryin
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 8:29 PM
Well, could you talk to BM and ask her to please have him bathed and ready to go when you get to her house?
I wouldn't tell her it's because you don't want him touching your car. She would probably go on the defensive. You could say that sometimes you like to stop on the way home or you're going out for dinner or whatever.
Also, I don't think people get pink eye because they're nasty. It's a pretty common thing for kids to get. . .
whatIknownow
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 8:44 PM
1 mom liked this

If the question is "should I say what I think?", my answer is no. You won't accomplish anything, and you will further damage the co-parenting relationship.

Your husband should be more involved with his son, so that he and the mother can support each other in his care.

packermom4ever
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 8:49 PM
1 mom liked this

You can pick up pink eye anywhere. My son had it for a couple of days and passed it to his sister. We aren't dirty people.

Your husband thinks mom is a bad mom and is glad YOU take care of the kid. Which means he doesn't. So, bitch about him pawning his kid off on you and not taking care of his kid instead of whining about mom not being fastidious enough for you. 


whatIknownow
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 8:52 PM


That's what I noticed too.

Quoting packermom4ever:


Your husband thinks mom is a bad mom and is glad YOU take care of the kid. Which means he doesn't.



jojojack
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 9:01 PM

 if you find it so offensive tell dh to do it maybe he will realize how disgusting it is and actually do something about it instead of expecting you to deal with it .  try wipes like everyone else suggested only I wouldn't encourage flushing them, with 4 kids here using them here at one time way back when... we realized that they do not break up and they wil clog your pipes...  

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