Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Reasonable telephone contact

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2014 at 8:33 AM
  • 61 Replies
For you...what does "reasonable telephone contact" mean in your C/O? What constitutes "unreasonable" and what can you do about it?
by on Jul. 31, 2014 at 8:33 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:13 AM

It depends on the sitch, and the age of the child. Once the child has his own cell phone, contact can be directly between the two of them and decided by them. For younger children who need the parent's help to use the phone, I would say, maybe once a day or every other day.

bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:30 AM
what would you constitute unreasonable for a younger child? where is that line that is crossed that would be considered harassment in your eyes? if that line is crossed...what would/could you do about it?

Quoting whatIknownow:

It depends on the sitch, and the age of the child. Once the child has his own cell phone, contact can be directly between the two of them and decided by them. For younger children who need the parent's help to use the phone, I would say, maybe once a day or every other day.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:30 AM

I think it depends on the age and personality of the child. For me at least once a week, but ideally every other day or two for a child who is able to independently use the phone.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:33 AM

Unreasonable would be, if the child really doesn't want to talk (meaning, the calls are so frequent that the child is overburdened, such as, several times a day). For a very young child, skype might work better because the child might be more interested if there is a visual element. The phone is hard for very young kids.

For harassment, I assume you mean that the caller is deliberately trying to disrupt the other parent's home with frequent calls. I would let them go to voicemail, and return the call once per day.

Quoting bertaboo1: what would you constitute unreasonable for a younger child? where is that line that is crossed that would be considered harassment in your eyes? if that line is crossed...what would/could you do about it?
Quoting whatIknownow:

It depends on the sitch, and the age of the child. Once the child has his own cell phone, contact can be directly between the two of them and decided by them. For younger children who need the parent's help to use the phone, I would say, maybe once a day or every other day.


tiafez
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:35 AM

it it a child on visitation to your home or a child living in your home with a custodial Dad?


for a younger child on a visitation to your home, a call in the evening might seem reasonable. for a child who lives in your home, once or twice a week might be okay. it depends on the child. but if the other parent is calling the home nonstop over and over daily, maybe a limit might be necessary. 

bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:44 AM
honestly this is what I am worried about. ss is almost 6 and will be living with us starting today. Bm has made threats and in the past has called...and called...and omg called. she called me once a minute for an hour. seriously. left one message. then continued to call. at that time I wasn't trying to be a butthole...I was at work and did not have the luxury to answer the phone while I was working. when I finally did call her back she was nasty. sooo...I take myself out of the equation. DH is perfectly capable of communicating with her...I do not need to be involved. DH agrees and has communicated this with BM. of course BM is livid. She has threatened to start calling like that again. DH doesn't want to put up with it. I really wanted everyone's opinions on "reasonable telephone contact" because it seems to be subjective from person to person.

Quoting tiafez:

it it a child on visitation to your home or a child living in your home with a custodial Dad?

for a younger child on a visitation to your home, a call in the evening might seem reasonable. for a child who lives in your home, once or twice a week might be okay. it depends on the child. but if the other parent is calling the home nonstop over and over daily, maybe a limit might be necessary. 

tiafez
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:48 AM

if she's calling to annoy you, not calling to speak with her child it may be necessary to block her number on your cell phone. As long as she has phone access to DH and also to her child at a resonable time, she doesn't have a reason to harass you. Do you have a home phone? if so, block her number on your phone after directing her to contact your spouse if she needs to discuss their child. 

Quoting bertaboo1: honestly this is what I am worried about. ss is almost 6 and will be living with us starting today. Bm has made threats and in the past has called...and called...and omg called. she called me once a minute for an hour. seriously. left one message. then continued to call. at that time I wasn't trying to be a butthole...I was at work and did not have the luxury to answer the phone while I was working. when I finally did call her back she was nasty. sooo...I take myself out of the equation. DH is perfectly capable of communicating with her...I do not need to be involved. DH agrees and has communicated this with BM. of course BM is livid. She has threatened to start calling like that again. DH doesn't want to put up with it. I really wanted everyone's opinions on "reasonable telephone contact" because it seems to be subjective from person to person.
Quoting tiafez:

it it a child on visitation to your home or a child living in your home with a custodial Dad?


for a younger child on a visitation to your home, a call in the evening might seem reasonable. for a child who lives in your home, once or twice a week might be okay. it depends on the child. but if the other parent is calling the home nonstop over and over daily, maybe a limit might be necessary. 


WWNSDD?

morgiefae
by Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:48 AM
1 mom liked this

everyday, both my exh and I talk to the girls EVERYDAY, no matters who's house they are currently at. It was actually worked in the agreement, that up to two times a day, with the exception of special circumstances.

bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:49 AM
may I ask...what is your custody arrangement? is there conflict at all?

Quoting morgiefae:

everyday, both my exh and I talk to the girls EVERYDAY, no matters who's house they are currently at. It was actually worked in the agreement, that up to two times a day, with the exception of special circumstances.

wise.toes
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:50 AM

some people will say daily is reasonable. i personally say the child should lead.

personally i think phone contact is silly. i think a child should be given the option of calling to talk to mom or dad. and if they say no, that means no. my kids aren't phone talkers. 

my children are 7 & 5 and my ex gets 4 phone calls per week and at the beginning it was ridiculous. it's far too much and it rarely was more than a 1min conversation. it was more of a hassle than anything. when dad used to call it was a fight to get them away from whatever they were doing and talk on the phone. then if i wasn't encouraging they talk i was "alienating" my kids. but if i was in the room i was "eavesdropping on private conversations." there was even a time ds was being short and "rude" to his dad on the phone (he just didn't want to talk and had told dad that a few times) so my ex yelled at him then hung up.

personally? i don't feel the need to speak with my kids if they're at dad's for a week. i feel like it's their time and i don't want to interrupt it. 

and now my ex never ever calls at any of his scheduled times...except of course if he's done something massively stupid. then he calls right on schedule, almost as if to try to egg me on to into an argument with him.

the judge was even reluctant to agree to phone contact b/c at the time ds was 4 and the judge was like how much could a 4yo even talk on the phone? 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)