I'm not sure where to go from here...my husband and I have been married for almost three years together for almost five. I brought five kids into the marriage...three who were adults and out on their own and at the time we got married my dd was 17, my oldest sd was 16, my ds was 13 and my youngest step daughter was 11. My husband is the CP, their mom spends the total 24 overnights a year with them. She doesn't do EOWE...she just does every other Friday nights. She also has them two to three hours on Tuesday and Thursday evening every week. She did however tell the court during their divorce that she would be having them over 90 overnights so that she wouldn't have to pay any CS...she also offers nothing else in regards to support (but that is neither here nor there). It saddens me that she spends so little time with them. It's so bad that sometimes she will bring my youngest sd (who is now 14...she rarely sees the older sd since she is now an adult and out on her own) home after an hour because she had a bad day. That however, is not why I'm asking for advice...it's none of my business and I bite my tongue and just pray that this may change...although I know at this point, with only four more years until my youngest sd is an adult, it more than likely is not going to happen. A bit of background...when I met DH, they had been seperated for three years after he came back on leave from Afghanistan and she told him that she was engaged and it was over. While he was there...she rarely had the girls because she needed more me time...which I honestly get, but she had them less than everyone else....so I don't understand that. When we met and he told her that he was filing (they hadn't because he couldn't while he was deployed and when he got back he had given her the money to start the process, which she never did, and he said he just never had a reason too...which I understand that too...it took me two years to file...out of sight out of mind)
By the time we had gotten married I had built a beautiful relationship with my oldest step-daughter...it was a rough beginning, but it blossomed into something wonderful. I took things at their pace and didn't push anything...however, my youngest sd has never warmed up to me at all...and if it was just that I would accept and move on. It's not though...I have been called awful names, I've had doors slammed in my face, I've been yelled at...even for just letting her know that she didn't have school due to weather, I've had company ask me a question and her answer it for me...and I'm not just talking about one question....I can't have a conversation with her in the room, I've had her tell her friends that I don't do anything around the house and she has to do it all...this was after I had surgery and her dad asked her to please do the dishes...twice! She is really careful about who she treats me that way around. She definitely does not do it in front of her dad...most of my family....her Dad's family. However, she has around my dd, ds and her older sister and they have called her on it numerous times...she has slipped a few times around my husband's mom and my mom. I've talked to my DH about this, but he doesn't see it and the few times he has he says something to her or he doesn't catch the tone or the meaning behind it. He will talk to her...she cries and says she just wants to spend more time with me. Then I've tried to take her places and spend time with her and she acts like she would rather be digging splinters out of a camel's ass. So the crying is more for an act, and a poor poor girl thing than real. I might add that she lies about everything (I'm not sure about me and frankly don't care) from homework, to grades, to friends, to the color of the sky.
Anyway, this morning has been rough. Last night DH, youngest SD and I went to dinner...on the way there she mentions that she has a car wash for band this weekend. She has never mentioned it (second time now that this has happened in the last month), he asked her when she knew about it...she said she just found out that day...I don't believe it because I know for a fact that they schedule those quite a ways out...they have to get permission from the business etc. However, I didn't say anything. He tells her that he has drill this weekend so have to figure out a way to get her there...I sat quietly. She never asked and he told me not to say anything...let her ask, and up until about ten minutes before she was supposed to be there she still hadn't. I went to her room and offered to take her...she was in her pjs and rolled her eyes and said, "I don't have to go." and once again slammed the door. Now I'm looking like a desperate fool because I'm standing outside of her bedroom door saying just thought I'd offer instead of opening the door and letting her have it. I'm so tired of the door slamming, the rolling of the eyes, yelling at me, etc. etc. I do deserve respect.
Sadly, I would have taken her had she asked. I had decided after the last one...where she TOLD me that I needed to take her an hour before she needed to be there and I did...I decided that from now on I needed to be asked...my time was important and I wasn't her maid and chauffeur...I was not at her beck and call. So I stuck to my guns and then started feeling bad for her not being able to go...which she could have if I took her...ugh! Never should have done that because now I'm hurt again and really sick of feeling this way.
I just don't know how else to deal with this. I have as little contact with her as humanly possible since i know how she feels about me...absent leaving my home. I'm tired of being this girl's doormat. Should I try one more time to talk to her...should I just write it off and focus on my kids and older sd who love and respect me....any suggestions or advice is welcome...