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SD doesn't fit in with our family.

Posted by on Aug. 3, 2014 at 3:08 AM
  • 52 Replies

That is what my 7yo DD told me this afternoon. 

She said that she doesn't consider her a sister like she does my other two DD and my other SD. She said she is just always there and that she doesn't like her and wishes she would go home already. My son, who was also in the car, agreed.

How should I deal with this? Just because I don't like my older SD and have a difficult relationship with her doesn't mean I don't want my children to know her and love her as a sibiling. How do I encourage a relationship between them?

by on Aug. 3, 2014 at 3:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MedicMommy2
by on Aug. 3, 2014 at 3:10 AM

What are the ages of all kids? Did they say why? 

tinybluemoon
by Bronze Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 3:16 AM

DD is 7, DS is 8 and SD is 13.

We were driving to the camping store because DH is taking the two of them, plus one other, camping today and DD said she was happy because she will be able to get away from SD. I asked her why that would make her happy. And she said she doesn't feel like SD fits into our family at all and doesn't consider her as a sister and that she can't wait for her to go back to BM house so things can go back to normal. DS agreed with her. I said I was sorry they felt that way. That was the extent of the conversation.

Quoting MedicMommy2:

What are the ages of all kids? Did they say why? 


MedicMommy2
by on Aug. 3, 2014 at 3:30 AM
1 mom liked this

Well in their defence all 13 year olds suck. It is in the preteen/teen handbook that they must suck. I would just try to find common ground between all the kids and keep moving forward. I would tell them that they do not have to like her but they must make her feel welcome because it is her home too. 

Quoting tinybluemoon:

DD is 7, DS is 8 and SD is 13.

We were driving to the camping store because DH is taking the two of them, plus one other, camping today and DD said she was happy because she will be able to get away from SD. I asked her why that would make her happy. And she said she doesn't feel like SD fits into our family at all and doesn't consider her as a sister and that she can't wait for her to go back to BM house so things can go back to normal. DS agreed with her. I said I was sorry they felt that way. That was the extent of the conversation.

Quoting MedicMommy2:

What are the ages of all kids? Did they say why? 



MBanks524
by Gold Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 4:43 AM
3 moms liked this
We just don't allow any of the kids to speak like that about one another. SKS or BKS. We tell th it's okay to be upset and express that but anything else such as we don't like or they aren't siblings is not allowed. Hasn't happened in my house since beginning. It was my almost teenagers at that point.
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 8:22 AM
Is she her step or half sibling? Do they get along or have they had 'issues' between them?
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XXanonymousXX
by Silver Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 8:25 AM
5 moms liked this
By repairing your relationship with her. Lead by example. Your kids observe your relationship with SD and that becomes their baseline. Develop a stronger relationship with her and your kids will too.
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 8:38 AM
1 mom liked this
I think you need to acknowledge their feelings. I think it's ok for a child to not like a sibling full, half or step. But then I would ask if they had any ideas on things that would make SD fit in to the family. And I would say that even if they don't like her right now SD is a part of the family since she is your DH's daughter and we need to treat her with respect and how they want to be treated. You need to live that too.
teaching_kids
by Bronze Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 9:08 AM
1 mom liked this
It would suck to be the one person in the house that everyone is saying doesn't fit in.
I suppose teaching them empathy and compassion is a good start
bcauseimthemom
by on Aug. 3, 2014 at 9:12 AM
2 moms liked this

You can start by explaining to them that she is part of the family and is not going anywhere. Let them know that it is not going to be tolerated for them to show any disrespect or to be mean to her. 


If your relationship is rocky with her, do not let the other children know about it. If you have a problem, don't discuss it in front of them.


If they continue to make these type of comments, make them responsible for the action to reinforce that being rude and disrespectful will not be tolerated and they will be punished for making her feel bad or unwanted.

tiafez
by Silver Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 9:24 AM
5 moms liked this

this.


and I'm sure she's picked up on how all of you feel. Funny thing is, she was part of the family before any of you were. this is a good time to lead by example. 

Quoting teaching_kids: It would suck to be the one person in the house that everyone is saying doesn't fit in. I suppose teaching them empathy and compassion is a good start


WWNSDD?

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