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EOWE time

Posted by on Aug. 3, 2014 at 11:36 AM
  • 42 Replies

 

Poll

Question: How do you believe it is best for an every other weekend parent to spend their visitation?

Options:

1 on 1 time with child only

Mostly 1 on 1 time with a little time with family as well

Time with NCP's family with a little 1 on 1 time

Other


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 44

View Results

For those who were children of divorce/separated parents, how did you spend the time with the NCP and what would you have preferred?

As a followup, did you want to feel a part of your NCP's family or just have a relationship with your NCP?

Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

by on Aug. 3, 2014 at 11:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 11:44 AM
I saw my dad eowe until my brother turned 18 and I was 12. I didn't see him again until I was 16. At that point I beat the shit out of him. He was and is a horrible person and I was grateful when I no longer had to go over there. However I still have a relationship with his sister and had one with his dad until he died. My mother never alienated. Hell she didn't believe most of the horrible shit until a) she saw him after years and saw how the drugs affected him, and b) when I was giving birth to my son the doctor noted out loud my scarring.
LiveInTheNow
by Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this

Im an SM and a lot of time DH spends with SD when she is here and I dont mind that, but I think a little family time in there is good. Sd loves doing group activities, but I think time spent alone with her dad is a great thing too. It gives their relationship a chance to grow. I can't say there havent been times I've felt left out, but I kinda understand SD's point of view even tho I was never a stepchild. I had/have wonderful parents but have never been very close with them, and I just want SD to have a great bond with her dad.

tiafez
by Silver Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 11:52 AM
3 moms liked this

I went with 'other' because I try to go about 50/50. Usually one day of the weekend was spend Dad and SS doing their thing, out and about, doing an activity, just being Dad and son. We all ate meals together if we were all in the same place at meal time but I tried to respect the need for Dad and kid time. After all, SS was in his life first, SS didn't ask for his parents to divorce, SS didn't ask to have Dad not around every day, SS didn't hook up with me. SS needed(needs) that time for him and Dad. At night I'd watch a show I wanted or a movie or just read by myself to allow themthat time. Usually the second day we all did something together. It worked for us. I never wanted to infringe upon that special precious little time they had together. They didn't exclude me, nor did I ignore them. I just gave space where space was needed and let them have some time together. 

I think it's important for all SMs to remember that that child, your SK, came first in the lifeline. The bond they have with Dad is thin due to divorce and since Dad chose you as his next life partner, no one is discounting you so why not bend where bending is needed. SK didn't choose the path his parent picked. SK was around before you, give them space ifthey need it. Don't allow disrespect but dson't go all jealous or teach your younger kids to be jealous of a bond that you as a parent should be trying to keep strong for your SK's and your DH's sake. Don't deliberately be the wedge that severs that bond. It doesn't make you less, it proves you're more. 

FieryUpgrade
by Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 12:08 PM
1 mom liked this

Typically there is no one-on-one timed specifically planned for anyone during visitation weekends. DH and SD always end up doing so something together, even if it is just reading at bedtime. We just try to go with the nature flow of the weekends.

Oddly enough, SDs excuse for misbehaving recently was that she felt like an outsider and not accepted as part of the family. I was floored. I'm not going to bash BM....but I know where SD gets this stuff.


leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 12:51 PM

Wow, I am sorry about that.

Quoting FreedomTruth: I saw my dad eowe until my brother turned 18 and I was 12. I didn't see him again until I was 16. At that point I beat the shit out of him. He was and is a horrible person and I was grateful when I no longer had to go over there. However I still have a relationship with his sister and had one with his dad until he died. My mother never alienated. Hell she didn't believe most of the horrible shit until a) she saw him after years and saw how the drugs affected him, and b) when I was giving birth to my son the doctor noted out loud my scarring.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 12:54 PM

This is how my life was but I grew up in an intact home but it seems so different from what is expected when steps are involved.

Quoting FieryUpgrade:

Typically there is no one-on-one timed specifically planned for anyone during visitation weekends. DH and SD always end up doing so something together, even if it is just reading at bedtime. We just try to go with the nature flow of the weekends.

Oddly enough, SDs excuse for misbehaving recently was that she felt like an outsider and not accepted as part of the family. I was floored. I'm not going to bash BM....but I know where SD gets this stuff.



Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 12:58 PM
1 mom liked this

with me-my dad had me every weekend. there were no other children,no girlfriends,no wives (he was married at one point,but took visitation away from her) He made those 2 days all about me.

the stepkids-when they are here-its a mix of them doing their own thing,whether with Princess...or with me or themselves. Because of DH's schedule-they dont get much 1:1 with just him. Both prefer me over him (Why I don't know but that's how it's been for years now)

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 1:08 PM

I like the 50/50 idea actually, one day of the weekend is fine and sometimes they can have the entire weekend father and son away doing their own thing.

I don't like the lifeline statement since SS and I aren't in a competition, I also have two children, I don't see how it is relevant that DD7 was a first in my lifeline before DS5.

Quoting tiafez:

I went with 'other' because I try to go about 50/50. Usually one day of the weekend was spend Dad and SS doing their thing, out and about, doing an activity, just being Dad and son. We all ate meals together if we were all in the same place at meal time but I tried to respect the need for Dad and kid time. After all, SS was in his life first, SS didn't ask for his parents to divorce, SS didn't ask to have Dad not around every day, SS didn't hook up with me. SS needed(needs) that time for him and Dad. At night I'd watch a show I wanted or a movie or just read by myself to allow themthat time. Usually the second day we all did something together. It worked for us. I never wanted to infringe upon that special precious little time they had together. They didn't exclude me, nor did I ignore them. I just gave space where space was needed and let them have some time together. 

I think it's important for all SMs to remember that that child, your SK, came first in the lifeline. The bond they have with Dad is thin due to divorce and since Dad chose you as his next life partner, no one is discounting you so why not bend where bending is needed. SK didn't choose the path his parent picked. SK was around before you, give them space ifthey need it. Don't allow disrespect but dson't go all jealous or teach your younger kids to be jealous of a bond that you as a parent should be trying to keep strong for your SK's and your DH's sake. Don't deliberately be the wedge that severs that bond. It doesn't make you less, it proves you're more. 


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

tiafez
by Silver Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 1:17 PM

I only meant in regard to a child of divorce who knew life with parents as one, then went through the divorce, got bounced along in life, had new people enter his world to be partners to his parents, new stepsiblings, possible new half siblings (although in Tialand, no one is half an anything. you're either a sibling or not a sibling.) for the child of divorce who was in Dad's life since his own life began, that one on one with Dad may be an emotional need. Not always but for some and as SMs we need to be aware of and alert to that. 



Quoting leegirl_jm:

I like the 50/50 idea actually, one day of the weekend is fine and sometimes they can have the entire weekend father and son away doing their own thing.

I don't like the lifeline statement since SS and I aren't in a competition, I also have two children, I don't see how it is relevant that DD7 was a first in my lifeline before DS5.

Quoting tiafez:

I went with 'other' because I try to go about 50/50. Usually one day of the weekend was spend Dad and SS doing their thing, out and about, doing an activity, just being Dad and son. We all ate meals together if we were all in the same place at meal time but I tried to respect the need for Dad and kid time. After all, SS was in his life first, SS didn't ask for his parents to divorce, SS didn't ask to have Dad not around every day, SS didn't hook up with me. SS needed(needs) that time for him and Dad. At night I'd watch a show I wanted or a movie or just read by myself to allow themthat time. Usually the second day we all did something together. It worked for us. I never wanted to infringe upon that special precious little time they had together. They didn't exclude me, nor did I ignore them. I just gave space where space was needed and let them have some time together. 

I think it's important for all SMs to remember that that child, your SK, came first in the lifeline. The bond they have with Dad is thin due to divorce and since Dad chose you as his next life partner, no one is discounting you so why not bend where bending is needed. SK didn't choose the path his parent picked. SK was around before you, give them space ifthey need it. Don't allow disrespect but dson't go all jealous or teach your younger kids to be jealous of a bond that you as a parent should be trying to keep strong for your SK's and your DH's sake. Don't deliberately be the wedge that severs that bond. It doesn't make you less, it proves you're more. 


WWNSDD?

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 3, 2014 at 1:21 PM

Hmmmm....I still don't understand but since that isn't my situation I guess I don't have to understand. Cool.

Quoting tiafez:

I only meant in regard to a child of divorce who knew life with parents as one, then went through the divorce, got bounced along in life, had new people enter his world to be partners to his parents, new stepsiblings, possible new half siblings (although in Tialand, no one is half an anything. you're either a sibling or not a sibling.) for the child of divorce who was in Dad's life since his own life began, that one on one with Dad may be an emotional need. Not always but for some and as SMs we need to be aware of and alert to that. 



Quoting leegirl_jm:

I like the 50/50 idea actually, one day of the weekend is fine and sometimes they can have the entire weekend father and son away doing their own thing.

I don't like the lifeline statement since SS and I aren't in a competition, I also have two children, I don't see how it is relevant that DD7 was a first in my lifeline before DS5.

Quoting tiafez:

I went with 'other' because I try to go about 50/50. Usually one day of the weekend was spend Dad and SS doing their thing, out and about, doing an activity, just being Dad and son. We all ate meals together if we were all in the same place at meal time but I tried to respect the need for Dad and kid time. After all, SS was in his life first, SS didn't ask for his parents to divorce, SS didn't ask to have Dad not around every day, SS didn't hook up with me. SS needed(needs) that time for him and Dad. At night I'd watch a show I wanted or a movie or just read by myself to allow themthat time. Usually the second day we all did something together. It worked for us. I never wanted to infringe upon that special precious little time they had together. They didn't exclude me, nor did I ignore them. I just gave space where space was needed and let them have some time together. 

I think it's important for all SMs to remember that that child, your SK, came first in the lifeline. The bond they have with Dad is thin due to divorce and since Dad chose you as his next life partner, no one is discounting you so why not bend where bending is needed. SK didn't choose the path his parent picked. SK was around before you, give them space ifthey need it. Don't allow disrespect but dson't go all jealous or teach your younger kids to be jealous of a bond that you as a parent should be trying to keep strong for your SK's and your DH's sake. Don't deliberately be the wedge that severs that bond. It doesn't make you less, it proves you're more. 



Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

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