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I made BM MAD!

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 12:41 PM
  • 186 Replies
1 mom liked this

I have made BM mad.  BM gets really bad cold sores and has given them to my SD. I have never said anything in the past to her, but  as of recently we have told SD not to kiss anyone on the lips/share drinks etc. when she has a cold sore or if BM has a cold sore not to kiss on the lips/share drinks etc.  (I also made sure to tell SD to make sure to still give BM love by giving kisses on the cheek and lots of hugs)

Well the other day BM was dropping SD off and had a cold sore covering half her mouth and she went to kiss SD on the lips and I made the comment "remember no kissin gon the lips". BM made the comment back that it was dried up so it was okay. So I just said we have been telling SD that when one of you have a cold sore not to kiss on the lips.

After that she called my husband and made a huge deal that I said something. He told her the same thing about the cold sores. Since then SD will not kiss her mom on the lips and BM has been flipping out and forcing her to kiss her.  MInd you BM doesn't just give a quick kiss, she makes out with SD (multiple wet kisses)

Now SD has a cold sore again and I am livid. BM refuses to acknowledge it and won't put the medicine on. 

I guess I'm just bothered that someone could hurt their own child and because I have said things I feel like I made it worse.  Am I really freaking out for no reason??? How would you handle this??? I know they are "just" cold sores, but they hurt SD and make it hard to eat and then it usually follows with high fevers :(

by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 12:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 12:46 PM
5 moms liked this

You should have kept your opinion to yourself.

oranguglad
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 12:52 PM
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I am saying this as a very involved stepmom.

You totally overstepped.

The MOST you should have done is send bm an email with links to a website that has this information.

You don't get to make rules for mom or her house, nor does she get to make rules for you.

I think the medical advice on this would be iffy anyhow, since once you get a cold sore, you always have the virus. It probably doesn't make a difference if she kisses mom in full blown cold sore mode anymore. It is certainly not your call to make for bm.

The best thing is probably to ignore it and just watch what you say in the future. You *could* if you wanted send an email telling bm you didn't mean to upset her, you were just reinforcing the rule that you've been trying to teach her to help protect her and other people from spreading the cold sores.

Even if dh and I disagree, we talk to each other privately. It is disrespectful to contradict a parent in front of a child and confusing for the kids.

DDDaysh
by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 12:55 PM
1 mom liked this
How old is this daughter of hers she's "making out" with?
BubbsJNL
by Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 12:59 PM
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It's a totally common and mostly benign form of the Herpes virus:  http://www.healthline.com/health/fever-blister-causes#Overview1

I think you were right to say something and I think the BM is wrong for not taking the spreading of the virus seriously.  The linked article states that most people in the US are infected before the age of 20 because it's so contagious.

You DID make it worse by saying something but that's probably just the nature of your relationship with BM and not, strictly speaking, your fault.  Always, always, always ask DH to handle stuff like that.  Otherwise, it sound like you might be considered just an overstepping evil SM who thinks that you have a say over children that are not yours, no matter how right you are.

Ask DH to put something in writing to her about the cold sores, what causes them, what effects you've noticed on her afterward, etc.  Save that missive and any response that you get and know that you fought a good fight for it, even if it comes to nothing.

annku
by New Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 1:00 PM

I have apologized in a sense and my huband completely backs me up and has confronted BM on it. The thing is it was BM's rule too. It has always been what we have ALL have said.  

I guess I'm just having a very hard time keeping it to myself and I should have bit my tounge. It's just so hard seeing my SD have to go through this.

I am very aware of the virus as I have the virus myself, but would NEVER subject anyone to it especially my loved ones. 

tiafez
by Silver Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 1:01 PM
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I'm sure you meant it well but take a step back.

Look at it from her point of view. No adult likes being talked to as if they're not too smert, especially in this case. You gave a mom momming lessons in front of her kid. 

Let her cool off and try not to do it agian. Don't let it fester into a big old stink. You stepped on her mommy toes, it happens. Learn from it and life goes on. 

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 1:03 PM

 thats just gross. but i would have told DH to handle it.

annku
by New Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 1:04 PM


Quoting DDDaysh: How old is this daughter of hers she's "making out" with?

She is 4 so still young enough that it's not really a big deal, just when it comes to the cold sores it comes more into play. 

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 1:07 PM
2 moms liked this

It's almost impossible to not pass it on. Never kissing/sharing a drink while having a sore does not mean anything. It can be passed at anytime. Your SD already has it so she is going to get the sores it does not matter. Your telling her not to kiss her mother is just alienating and rude and none of your buisness.

Quoting annku:

I have apologized in a sense and my huband completely backs me up and has confronted BM on it. The thing is it was BM's rule too. It has always been what we have ALL have said.  

I guess I'm just having a very hard time keeping it to myself and I should have bit my tounge. It's just so hard seeing my SD have to go through this.

I am very aware of the virus as I have the virus myself, but would NEVER subject anyone to it especially my loved ones. 


***Briterican***


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 1:09 PM
2 moms liked this

well, it happens. No biggie, just try harder next time to keep your mouth shut. I'm sure she'll get over it.

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