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Kids and sports...

Posted by on Aug. 6, 2014 at 10:37 AM
  • 24 Replies

 So I'm on a e-mailing list for the parks and rec here and I got a "news letter" for youth soccer. I forwarded it to Exh, and said "what do you think" with no reply, i'm kinda pissed because she wants to play sports, and she would LOVE soccer. He enrolled her in Ballet, i want her to play soccer, she wants to play.

 

Should i wait and actually talk to him about it? Or just enroll her? registration started 2 days ago and usually fills up quick.

by on Aug. 6, 2014 at 10:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 10:41 AM
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How did he go about enrolling her in Ballet? Did he talk to you first? I think you should tell him your DD is interested in soccer and wants to play and you are going to enroll her. I think he is more likely to respond to that than to a 'what do you think?'.

oranguglad
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 10:44 AM
3 moms liked this

Will the practices/games fall on his time?

If so, then a more direct question than what do you think is needed.

I would like to enroll dd in soccer, it will be X days/times, is this okay with you? I need to know by X date so I can register her.

If it won't fall on his time, then just enroll her. Or if it is okay if she misses days that he is with her, enroll her.

If it will affect his time and you are really worried that it will fill up- enroll her, but be willing to withdraw and lose any deposits if he says no.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Yeah, I hate the "what do you think" emails.  BF does it when he doesn't want to show his hand or make a decision or be responsible or do any work  I'm not saying that is what you are doing, but for all he knows you think it sucks and you just want an argument.  Or he feels like you want him to do the work of the planning.

Try sending again with a statement of what you think, what DD thinks and what it will entail.  If you are willing to pay half, say that.  Make a proposal.

Leigh84
by Silver Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 11:00 AM
DH usually signs the sk's up for basketball and then tells BM. For us, it's not a big deal bc we know that BM like for them to be in sports too.
tiafez
by Silver Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 11:15 AM

better yet, word it like this "kiddo wants to play soccer. I've got no problem with it. If I don't hear from you by xx with a reason why not, I'll sign her up. She's really exciting and I don't want to miss sign ups so if I do not hear from you by xx I'm going to go ahead and let her play."


put the ball straight in his court.  




Quoting oranguglad:

Will the practices/games fall on his time?

If so, then a more direct question than what do you think is needed.

I would like to enroll dd in soccer, it will be X days/times, is this okay with you? I need to know by X date so I can register her.

If it won't fall on his time, then just enroll her. Or if it is okay if she misses days that he is with her, enroll her.

If it will affect his time and you are really worried that it will fill up- enroll her, but be willing to withdraw and lose any deposits if he says no.


WWNSDD?

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Aug. 6, 2014 at 11:25 AM
I never ask.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this
I never ask either. Ok wait. I used to ask and I was always ignored. I never signed my child up for anything because I didn't feel like I should sign her up if she was going to miss half of it. So my dd never played any organized sports. Ever.

Now that I have a son, he is in lots of sports and I see that lots of kids miss and it's not a big deal. They miss because their other parent refuses to bring them. I was always scared that it would look bad on dd but now that I see it happening with other kids - it's not that big of a deal. All of the little teams my son has been on have always been extremely understanding of other kids missing because they were at their other parents for the weekend. There are usually enough players on the teams that they are not missed.

As a mom who has been through this: my advice is, sign her up. She will get to play at least half of the season. Soccer is fun and it's good for them. They are active, learning team building skills, learning how to pass and share and work together.
When you sign her up, let them know that she may miss some games depending on the custody schedule.

You can send dad an email- I signed her up for soccer - here's the schedule or I'll send the schedule when I get it. Inform him of all the information that he may need. Make him feel involved (it's hard I know). Give him the coaches name and number, email address. Add him to the email list so he gets the notifications as well. Don't make this 'this is my sport- I signed her up'.

MAYBE if he feels that you aren't hindering his involvement then he will want to participate. Or bring her.

I 100% regret not signing my dd up for sports. I should never have worried about her missing games or practices. The little she would have gotten would have been good enough. I didn't know this then .. I wish I had.
If she misses - she misses. No big deal. It's little league. Not the Olympics. Just keep that in mind.

Go sign her up!
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 11:58 AM
Excellent advice. Always good for
It to be about what the kid wants than for it to be about what you want to do for your kid.

My mom said that when I was in kindergarten - I came home with a paper and said - I'm going to be a cheerleader. Sign me up.

She said no because she didn't know how much involvement was needed. But after a while of demanding that I wanted to be a cheerleader - she signed me up. I never played sports. I was in cheerleading for 6 years until I switched to dance and band in junior high. Best experience of my life. Life long friends I still keep in touch with today. I might have only been 5 but I knew what I wanted damn it.


Quoting tiafez:

better yet, word it like this "kiddo wants to play soccer. I've got no problem with it. If I don't hear from you by xx with a reason why not, I'll sign her up. She's really exciting and I don't want to miss sign ups so if I do not hear from you by xx I'm going to go ahead and let her play."

put the ball straight in his court.  

Quoting oranguglad:

Will the practices/games fall on his time?


If so, then a more direct question than what do you think is needed.


I would like to enroll dd in soccer, it will be X days/times, is this okay with you? I need to know by X date so I can register her.


If it won't fall on his time, then just enroll her. Or if it is okay if she misses days that he is with her, enroll her.


If it will affect his time and you are really worried that it will fill up- enroll her, but be willing to withdraw and lose any deposits if he says no.

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Daisy1120
by Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 12:01 PM

It depends. Did he consult you first about ballet? If so, then yes, I would talk to him first. We used to have this problem ALL the time with my SD's were younger. BM would sign them up for all kinds of things without talking to DH about it and then freak out if he did the same to her. Fortunately we are past all that but for a long time it was very stressful. Hopefully you can talk to him about it and your DD will get to play since she really wants to.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 12:02 PM
This has nothing to do with your ex (when I say this) because he's not the same as me so I can't tell you if his reasons are the same.

I used to do the 'what do you think' emails to my ex because I felt that asking him his opinion was letting him have a say in something when he often had no say on anything else. It was kind of a way to make him feel special I guess. I didn't want to be accused of just making decisions without his input. I started wording the emails different and that changed his response over the years. I kind of had to take charge and tell him what I was going to do and that I wanted him to be aware. Any concerns he needs to voice. If he didn't voice any concerns by such and such date - then I would assume that meant he had no concerns.


Quoting pdxmum:

Yeah, I hate the "what do you think" emails.  BF does it when he doesn't want to show his hand or make a decision or be responsible or do any work  I'm not saying that is what you are doing, but for all he knows you think it sucks and you just want an argument.  Or he feels like you want him to do the work of the planning.

Try sending again with a statement of what you think, what DD thinks and what it will entail.  If you are willing to pay half, say that.  Make a proposal.

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