Today I picked SD up for our last full week with her for the summer. BM comes out to bring her to the car and starts telling me what SD needs in the way of school clothes and supplies. Now, I know she has talked to DH about all this, and DH and I have talked about it. We all are aware of what she needs and BM is aware that we can only do so much (we are not required by C/O to do ANYTHING for school stuff BTW). I told her that we will do what we can and if she wanted details she needed to talk to DH. So she starts in again telling me what she needs and how important it all is. I told her that DH and I would do what we could, and that she should talk to DH. At this point I started getting kids in the car and even got myself in the car. She comes up to the window telling me again how SD needs 3 pairs of dress shoes for school (she is in a public school, no uniforms, I don't see why she needs that many pairs of DRESS shoes, but that is besides the point). I again told her that DH and I would do what we could but by this time I was annoyed so I added a reminder that we have other kids to provide for as well, just like she does, and all of them need things. She got upset (and I do understand why... It's not her fault I have other kids to provide for anymore than it's mine that she has other kids to take care of as well... THAT by the way is not what this post is about) She started yelling, and I reminder here AGAIN that she could talk to DH if she had a problem, but that I was not having an argument with her in front of SD and DD.
I FINALLY got away from there shortly after that. I called DH and told him what happened so he wouldn't be surprised when BM called him yelling. HE starts yelling at me for letting BM get to me. that I should have just left it at talk to him.... I tried... repeatedly! I don't mind picking up and dropping off SD for weekends and things. I know DH can't get weekends off work so if I don't do it none of us get to see her. (he workd 9a-9p 6 days a week), but I am tired of getting yelled at by both sides. no matter how many times I tell BM to take it up with DH she pushes and pushes... then when I do say something (even when it's the same thing DH would have said) I get bitched at by him for opening my mouth. Both of them say they want me invlved, and when it's not dealing with money BM and I get along fine, I have backed out in everything except drop off and pick up... it's just when I drop her off or pick her up that this mess happens.
Any suggestions?? Please be kind, and don't tell me to just stay out of it. I have done that to the best of my ability.
***UPDATE*** SORT OF***
I am really tired of having to say that Me stopping PU/DO is not an option. Most people don't understand a tow truck driver's life so let me clue you in a bit and see if you understand.
DH is SCHEDULED 9am-9pm Wednesday-Monday (his only day off is Tuesday). He is on call 3 noghts a week (Monday, Friday, and Saturday). On call nights he brings the truck home, goes to bed with a phone beside him and has to be up and out the door within 15 min of getting a call. No matter what time of the night it is. On the days he works he is supposed to take his last call at 9pm... that means if his last call takes him 2 hours he dosen't get back to the shop till 11. I say supposed to because if they have more than a certain number of calls holding he is just not allowed to leave till it slows down. After he finally does his last call he still has to go back to the shop, wash his truck (inside and out), do his paperwork, and THEN he can finally head home. He has not been home before midnight any day this week. Last night he got in at 1:30 am, got a call at 4am, got back home from the call at 6am and then still had to be back at work at 9am this morning. This is not just this towing company, this is all of them, so finding another job would not help. (besides, this company pays by the hour plus bonuses rather than on straight comission like most of them do).
He has been trying to change his day off since shortly after he started. They told him last week that in the next couple months they will have some new trucks and drivers so he should be able to have EOWE off (that means working 12 days on and 2 days off... will be great for him spending time with SD... not so much for me). Until that change is made either I PU/DO SD or we will not be able to see her. THAT IS NOT AN OPTION. All 4 of us would be hurt by that. Me, SD, DD and DH!
I do want to say thank you to those who have given me suggestions on dealing with this. Some of you ladies have been higely helpful! :)