I was jamming out to Human by Christina Perri this morning when it occurred to me that I'm having a nervous break down. Dramatic, I know but it's been a year in the making.
Dh and I got married fall last year. His custody battle started a couple months after that and has been increasingly heated ever since. I feel like this time has been all about his child and bm's actions. I'm feel needy for wanting to focus on us. I resent him for moving me an hour away from my family, friends, and church. I dropped out of school. Because of my frustration and lack of control over my situation, I try to control other things. I think I'm just trying to help but I'm just upsetting myself. For example: I gave and reminded dh of the list of things he needs to collect to register ss for school. He also needs ss's insurance and ss cards. He hasn't done any of it and has had custody since mid June. He's not a bad father, he's just a man and does things at the last minute.
Well, last night I had a "What would the girls on SMC tell me?" moment. I told dh that I would be registering my son for school next week. SS is his son; he can gather the info needed and register him himself when ever his little heart desires.
I have been asking dh to go to counseling with me (at least till this custody thing is done) for 6 months now. He doesn't want to go but wont come out and say it. He hints around the fact that he thinks people will be concerned about us since we haven't been married a year yet. "What would SMC tell me?" I'm going alone. I found an office that takes my insurance and will make an appointment next week. I think I really need it. My friends and family are sick of hearing me complain.
I'm scared I will start resenting ss. I don't at this time. I take care of him and spend more time with him then his own parents do right now (because it's summer). I love him and his loves me. But we are not confused about our roles. I'm not mom. And I have a bio kid.
Sorry for the vent. Did I assume correctly on what to do? I really need to drop the rope because this whole thing is getting way too hard.
ETA* Sometimes dropping the rope is just sooo much easier said then done.
Believer. Wife. Mother. | BM to DS10 | CSM to SS5