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Afraid to move on with our life afraid of what BM will do

Posted by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 3:03 PM
  • 69 Replies
Right now we are in a situation where BM gets a LOT of child support. However, we are blessed because we get certain perks from DH's job that absorbs a few monthly costs and we don't pay child support on it because it isn't considered income. DH isn't happy at his job and we are feeling like it's almost time to move on so that he can feel more challenged. However, I'm afraid that if we move and he switches jobs BM will assume he got a bigger salary and come after more money. Even with the perks, it's hard so I'm hesitant because I'm afraid of paying more CS. But I want DH to be happy and I hate for something like this to keep us from moving on in our lives.
If you are a BM and your ex moved for a different job, would you file for change in CS?
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 3:03 PM
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codysara
by Platinum Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 3:15 PM
Depends on if it looked like it was a substantial raise.
whatIknownow
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 3:17 PM
1 mom liked this

If I were the BM, I would run the numbers and see if the increase was worth it. In my state, you can only file for an increase if it a certain percent higher (20%?), or if it has been 3 years since the last increase. So the mom may or may not be able to file.

Quoting lousidd:  If you are a BM and your ex moved for a different job, would you file for change in CS?


codysara
by Platinum Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 3:19 PM
But I will add that I have not. My xh was making 160 a year, now makes almost 300. I have not adjusted cs because he does a great job of providing alot of extras and expenses for the kids. If he stopped for some reason I definitely would.
pusheen-kitty
by Battler on Aug. 10, 2014 at 3:20 PM
I have the same fears.

She can always ask for more money but doesn't mean she will get it.

It depends on:

The state you are in
How much time he has with the kids
If he is already paying the max
If he pays for health care

she can file for more support but that's another day in court. She will find someone to serve him, then he files his response (no way) then he has to prove why paying more is beyond his means. She will also have to prove why she is needs an increase and both will have to declare their income.

Another thing is, will he make more money at a new job?

advomom05
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 3:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Depends. You say DH pays "a LOT" in CS. How much is "a LOT"? The dollar amount of CS and whether or not it is substantial is highly subjective depending on all kinds of factors. Is that dollar amount beyond the standard calculation for his income/her income/amount of overnights or whatever the state that the child resides in uses to determine CS? What % of DH's income is paid in CS?

IMO, children should benefit from their parent's income. So if a parent's income changes to a higher amount a higher percentage should be funneled to the child(ren). To me it makes no difference if it's the CP's income or the NCP's income and comes in the form of cash CS or larger contributions to things like EC's, educational opportunities, etc. I'm not talking about the child(ren) getting more toys or video games but that they would have increased opportunities due to a parent being able to afford more. Contributing to one's children in no way stops one from moving on in life.

If DH would be happier with a different job but doesn't go for it because he'd have to contribute more towards his child(ren) as a result of the increased income, the priorities there are out of whack, IMO.

Quoting lousidd: Right now we are in a situation where BM gets a LOT of child support. However, we are blessed because we get certain perks from DH's job that absorbs a few monthly costs and we don't pay child support on it because it isn't considered income. DH isn't happy at his job and we are feeling like it's almost time to move on so that he can feel more challenged. However, I'm afraid that if we move and he switches jobs BM will assume he got a bigger salary and come after more money. Even with the perks, it's hard so I'm hesitant because I'm afraid of paying more CS. But I want DH to be happy and I hate for something like this to keep us from moving on in our lives.
If you are a BM and your ex moved for a different job, would you file for change in CS?
cdrainey3
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 4:02 PM
This is how it is in my state. Does he help pay for extras or is it just CS that he pays? Is he good at paying half of medical and what about ec's? Will she feel justified in going for more, or does she feel he provides well for his kids? All women are different with how they feel about CS.

Quoting whatIknownow:

If I were the BM, I would run the numbers and see if the increase was worth it. In my state, you can only file for an increase if it a certain percent higher (20%?), or if it has been 3 years since the last increase. So the mom may or may not be able to file.

Quoting lousidd: 
If you are a BM and your ex moved for a different job, would you file for change in CS?

advomom05
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 4:05 PM
This is a good point too. My state it's a percentage or certain number of years or substantial change in circumstance. Then it depends if it's as simple as having CSE pull the info and put the increase through or if it's an "adjustment" through court or if it's a full-on modification and hearing.Child support mods are a nightmare, at leleast it was for me. I went through one about 6 months ago when BF petitioned to have CS modified/reduced 10 months after the original order was filed. In my area retaining an attorney to do it was $3,000 to *start*. BF ended up paying $8,000 to have his attorney do the mod. Nuts when it will take him years to recoup that with the lowered amount, but that's neither here nor there. For me, it was hours of paperwork responding, time off work to attend the initial hearing, more hours of paperwork, more time off work for follow-up appearances, etc. As a BM I would he weighing if it was worth it.

Other factors for me would be, if our child(ren) are doing without the basics at the current amount paid, are they well taken care of financially, am I having to struggle making ends meet and are our children being affected by that? Also, I'd be wondering if BF would willingly contribute more, whether that's in cash or things purchased for the children without having to go through CSE or court. Lot's of different things to consider.


One thing for you and BF to keep in mind though is that the child(ren) will not receive 100% of whatever the increase in DH's income is *unless* he's substantially underpaying right now. They would only receive a *percentage* of the increase, somewhere in the neighborhood of 20% at the high end I believe.

Quoting whatIknownow:

If I were the BM, I would run the numbers and see if the increase was worth it. In my state, you can only file for an increase if it a certain percent higher (20%?), or if it has been 3 years since the last increase. So the mom may or may not be able to file.

Quoting lousidd: 
If you are a BM and your ex moved for a different job, would you file for change in CS?

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 4:10 PM

I am a BM.  I've had the same CS since our divorce was final over 9 years ago and I've not filed for an adjustment in that time (I will soon, however).  I would run the numbers and see if his new job was enough of a change to make a change in CS based on the state calculator that ANYONE can use to get a good ballpark of the amount of CS he should pay each month. 

If your DH changing jobs would be a cut in pay, that's something that you need to consider.  The benefits that you enjoy now would need to be weighed with his happiness and the challenge he currently feels versus what he'd feel in a new job.  There is much more to changing jobs for him than the amount of CS he may/may not owe. 

Living in fear of what BM may or may not do is completely on you and DH, NOT on BM.  She's free to ask the courts to reevaluate CS, but so is BF.  If he takes the new job he can also apply for a reeval.  Check your states calculator and see what he should be paying now versus what he could owe with the new job and make your decision based partly on that, rather than what BM may/may not do.  There is no guarantee BM 'will' do anything. 

andie646c
by Silver Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 4:15 PM

The entire purpose of CS is to keep a child living in the same living environment as they would have had if their parents were together. The child is entitled to a portion of any raise your husband is to get.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 4:52 PM
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There is always that chance that a pay raise could increase child support. That's just part of the calculation.

It seems that right now he's likely not paying what he should be since the 'perks' are not included in his calculation. Life's not fair. You married a man who pays CS. Such is life. Kids cost money.
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