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Frustrating and ridiculous

Posted by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:25 PM
  • 22 Replies

I see a lot of step moms on this forum that specifically state that they let Husband and Bio mom take care of the child and they pretty much stay out of it. I can't do that, but maybe I should start. 

We have certain rules and regs at my home, due to my illness and the fact that I have more of my own Biological children here than step. We do have custody of my oldest Stepson, but he loves living here and doesn't mind the rules. The other two don't mind them either, but they have a hard time occasionally because they have no rules at their other home. 

What's frustrating and becoming a tad bit ridiculous is the actions or nonactions of Bio mom. Things that aren't really important, such as a Summer Social at school where all the kids do is see their new class and meet their new teacher, nice, but not a life or death matter, she can't miss and insists on being at. Fine, don't really care, but then the medication that my second step son is on for ADHD, very addicting and necessary(as in, it shouldn't be stopped suddenly), she somehow forgets to bring with him for the two weeks of summer the kids are here. 

I know she tries at being the best mom she can. She has a lot of mental illness and drug issues and we've tried to help her the best we can. We're nice and kind and try very hard to work with her, but I begin to wonder where it will end. Probably never, and I will have to live with it. 

Ok:) ranting over. My husband is glad I have someone else other than him to moan and complain too. 


by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LiveInTheNow
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:35 PM
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I cant not participate in SDs life either, but again she doesnt mind the rules and regs here either. I think she actually loves the stability of it all. Point being, I understand where you are coming from, I love SD enough to want to be a part of her life. I dont try to get her to call me mom ( like so many act like we step moms do ) I just let her call me what she likes "stepmom" and I am just that. :D

100problems-1
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:37 PM
I tried to implement rules but even dad wouldn't get on board. I just stay out of all of it now.
irondruidmomma
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:40 PM
1 mom liked this

That would be really hard. Thankfully my husband and I agree together with most things. He has helped me not be so strict and I have helped him see the benefit of a structured home. We work well together in hopes that all the children will see a good strong family. I hope for you that it isn't too hard without the rules.

Quoting 100problems-1: I tried to implement rules but even dad wouldn't get on board. I just stay out of all of it now.


100problems-1
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:45 PM
1 mom liked this
That's excellent. It works really well for you all.

It was hard when the steps were younger but I just made my own plans with friends on kid weekends. It was too chaotic and expensive when they visited. Free for all movies and dinners out non stop. They would leave to go to the mall at 10am and get home at 9pm.

Now they are older and money is tighter for dad. It's not as much fun.
chanizen
by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 5:44 AM
1 mom liked this

Bm forgets ss's medication sometimes and so does dh.  Usually they just run it over to the other parent's house.  I did suggest to dh that he keep half the next prescription next time to reduce the trips but it really isn't my headache.  Dh manages it so if he wants to be inefficient, it's on him.

as for her prioritizing things you don't,that probably goes both ways, you know?  She may find your rules low priority, for example, where you find them important.  I would just roll with that and know it is ok for her to have her own agenda.  I sure wouldn't want bm prioritizing mine for me, so I don't try to do it to her.  Her agenda is different and that is fine.

as for how long it will last... Probably until the kids are grown.  Kudos to you for being compassionate about her mental illness and issues.  Keep that up.  It isn't easy, I'm sure, but compassion is a good thing!


MBanks524
by Platinum Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 6:44 AM
1 mom liked this
You can't control BM. Try to have SH talk to her about the medication bcus it is important. BM can't control your rules or your house. You have every right to enforce them. Don't give up.
chanizen
by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 7:05 AM
1 mom liked this
And By the way.... Love the sn

I like the Iron Druid series...
whatIknownow
by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 8:38 AM

I would never miss the summer social thing either, I have gone every year (we call it open house here). I'm confused, are you criticizing the mom for wanting to go to that?

My son was on meds for ADD and they told us they don't need to be given during school breaks, and it was actually good to let him skip the meds when they aren't really needed. What meds is he on that are addicting and shouldn't be skipped?

XXanonymousXX
by Gold Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 9:27 AM
I'm confused about the summer social thing too. Not looking for an excuse to bash, just trying to understand the whole picture. It seems that BM has custody, or atleast a good chunk of the time split. Why is it weird for her to want to be there?
irondruidmomma
by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 10:42 AM

I don't really care that she wants to come to the social. What bothers me is that she is willing to drive three hours to spend 15 minutes meeting a teacher, but when we call and remind her to bring meds and then after the hour and half drive to meet her, she says she forgot. 

Again, the drive to meet is an hour and half. We meet half way. It's not like she can just run back and get them. We researched the med and it is one that has to be decreased slowly before they can stop for a while. She just doesn't remember so stepson goes through a mild withdraw while he's here. It just makes it hard on him. 

I'm not critizing her...I know she has some major issues with mental instablity and drugs, but I get so aggravated sometimes. 

I suppose we all do from time to time. I just need to let it all out sometimes:)

Quoting whatIknownow:

I would never miss the summer social thing either, I have gone every year (we call it open house here). I'm confused, are you criticizing the mom for wanting to go to that?

My son was on meds for ADD and they told us they don't need to be given during school breaks, and it was actually good to let him skip the meds when they aren't really needed. What meds is he on that are addicting and shouldn't be skipped?


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