BM got SD11 a cell phone so she can reach her any time and because she has been wanting one and entering middle school and feels she's ready for the responsibility.
Ever since SD has gotten the phone it has been torture. First of all, SD says "my mom says you can't take it away from me as a punishment by the way because she pays the bill and wants to be able to text or call."
She is also secretive, has a pass code, so you can't see what she does.
DH told her he doesn't want her using the phone as a source to vent to her moms side of the family when she is in trouble, which is really nice.
But she tells her mom and her Gma everything we are doing. Places we are about to go, takes pictures and videos in our home and sends it (I don't like people seeing my apartment if it's not clean) and just generally gives a play by play of what's going on and she also does it when she's at her moms. Constantly texting me and her dad and my in laws what is going on over there.
I feel like my privacy is being violated. The thing is that BM pays the bill because DH and I don't think she needs a phone. Sd can be reached at all times at either one of our cell phones unless she is in school.
DH doesn't pay child support because she and he both agreed at the divorce because it was 50/50 that she didn't find it fair or necessary to make him pay when they have them the same amount of time. Plus she makes more than he does, so in reality she might actually have to pay him haha.
But DH does get $300 per month taken out of his check per month for health insurance for our family, we paid the school lunch bills last year (she never splits), and we pay for dental visits, she won't take them to the dentist ever on her own if it means she has to pay.
I know money isn't an issue for her, she's places high importance on buying them new outfits constantly and that is really expensive especially her taste in clothes.
Our idea is that she can't control what goes on in our home regardless if she pays the bill, is that right?
I'm asking because today we took the phone away for the first time because she hit her sister and said she hated her and wished she was dead, etc, and I turned it off. Later on, BM was texting the other sd on the iPod and DH wouldn't let her answer bc we were in the middle of dinner and he said it could wait until after we ate. She said BM would get mad, etc. Then BM called DH, and he didn't answer because we were eating dinner of course and she texted just asking him to bring them over at 9am tomorrow but I am totally waiting for her to verbalize this "you can't take her phone away! I pay the bill!" crap and I just am looking for some guidance on how to guide DH so he is best prepared to handle it. He's probably fine but a fresh perspective is helpful.