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Am I overstepping? *update*

Posted by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 9:46 PM
  • 62 Replies
1 mom liked this
So Sd needs a bra for school, her first one. DH has primary custody, so she goes with her mom EOWE during the school year, and then a few weeks during the summer. (BM doesn't do much or anything for Sd) I thought BM would take her to get one, because it's pretty obvious she needs one. Well she didn't, and hasn't mentioned To Sd that she even needs one. She won't be seeing her mom now until the weekend after school starts. Would I be overstepping If I took her bra shopping? Should I contact BM first?


- well, i appreciate all the advice. DH called BM last night, and text her. No response. Sd tried to call her mom twice today, no answer, no call back. (Which is pretty normal) SO Sd and I went out today and got her first bra. Oh well, she had her chance. If she wants to be mad, she can be mad at herself.
by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 9:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sara82lee
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 9:54 PM
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Did you read the other thread on this same topic?

I would just take her. Then again, half the things I do would probably be considered overstepping by ladies here. But I tend not to care. I focus on the kids. I do what I want. It's about them, and not bm.
hopeful_leslie
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 9:56 PM
1 mom liked this
No i don't feel you would be overstepping in anyway. If you feel more comfortable talking with BM then do it first. I split 50/50 with my ex and if his new wife went out and did this I would be ok with it. I am always the first to do these things with dd but to know her SM cares enough to show her how to respect her body im definitely OK with that. I am a SM to 3 boys but that don't change the fact that if i felt they needed something I would just go do it
packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Aug. 11, 2014 at 9:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Why not talk to mom first? 

Why can't dad take the kid, did he not notice the boobs either?

vwd_johnson
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 10:01 PM
I always think of the kids first, so I would take her at this point.
Lele123
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 10:08 PM
Yes, and Sd told us she would be more comfortable with me taking her over dad.

Quoting packermom4ever:

Why not talk to mom first? 

Why can't dad take the kid, did he not notice the boobs either?

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 10:18 PM
I don't necessarily see bras as an overstepping event. But some people do. I recognize that and respect it. It's not something that was a huge deal to me but I'm custodial and that wasn't something that my ex was going to handle as he is still in denial that our child needs pads to protect her panties from menstrual blood.

Does your stepdaughter's mother see this as an overstepable item?

What is worse? Mom being pissed off or SD showing nippalage through her shirt?

I like to weigh the risk to the benefit when making any kind of decision.
Quoting Lele123: Yes, and Sd told us she would be more comfortable with me taking her over dad.

Quoting packermom4ever:

Why not talk to mom first? 

Why can't dad take the kid, did he not notice the boobs either?

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Lele123
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 10:25 PM
You're right, thank you. I honestly don't know if she would be mad, she's bi-polar, So one day she's fine with me, the next she hates my existence. (She has yelled at me for painting SDs nails) but Sd just came home from BMs house, which we thought that while she was there, they would go get one. That didn't happen and school starts in 2 days. But your right, I just wanted to see how other people viewed this situation.

Quoting momof2ex1: I don't necessarily see bras as an overstepping event. But some people do. I recognize that and respect it. It's not something that was a huge deal to me but I'm custodial and that wasn't something that my ex was going to handle as he is still in denial that our child needs pads to protect her panties from menstrual blood. Does your stepdaughter's mother see this as an overstepable item? What is worse? Mom being pissed off or SD showing nippalage through her shirt? I like to weigh the risk to the benefit when making any kind of decision.
Quoting Lele123: Yes, and Sd told us she would be more comfortable with me taking her over dad.

Quoting packermom4ever:

Why not talk to mom first? 

Why can't dad take the kid, did he not notice the boobs either?

Lele123
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 10:27 PM
That was my question. SHOULD I talk to BM first? But honestly what would I say?... Your child needs a bra, you didn't provide one, so I'm getting her one? Or can I get her one?

Quoting packermom4ever:

Why not talk to mom first? 

Why can't dad take the kid, did he not notice the boobs either?

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Aug. 11, 2014 at 10:31 PM


Quoting Lele123: Yes, and Sd told us she would be more comfortable with me taking her over dad.
What woud he do if you weren't there to do this? 
If dad won't and you don't even bother to ask mom you might be overstepping from her perspective. 


screwedoverSM
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 10:34 PM

I think you are overstepping. Bras are just something moms like to be the first to buy. After the first experience, you have full control to go shopping. DH (not you) should at least talk to BM and tell her that she needs a bra ASAP and ask her if she would like to take her on her next scheduled visitation, and mention that if she doesn't have a chance to, then you guys will be making arrangements to provide her one.

It COULD cause an unnecessary fight. It is also disrespectful and ignorant to think the BM possibly wouldn't care. However, your BM may be one of "those" out there who really couldn't care less. We know they exist! ;) After all, she has EOWE and a few weeks during the summer. 

I would offer, it couldn't hurt, she would appreciate it and it is the right thing to do. :) Congrats to SD btw, growing up so fast! My SD just got a bra too (so now I can go buy her some) and her mom had her start shaving.

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