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Don't tell Mom.....

Posted by on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:18 PM
  • 21 Replies
My boys went to visit their dad for a month - which is the longest they've ever been with their dad.

They got back today. My oldest broke down crying saying, 'I'm breaking my dad's promise. He told me not to tell you anything bad about the trip or else you'll never let us go again.' This started after I heard my six-year old who has never swore a day in his life say, 'What the hell, bitch?' To his brother.

So, here's what I'm found out so far. I've tried not to pry and let things come out naturally.

1. Dad got drunk a lot, one time keeping them up until 6AM and walking around the house and outside naked.

2. Dad told his step-son to 'lick/suck his ass' contantly.

3. Dad hit his wife.

4. Dad and SM fought constantly and cussed each other out.

5. Dad 'was like a bat' he slept all day and got drunk all night.

6. That Dad said he didn't even like SM and wanted to be back with me which is when my son asked, 'Did dad treat you like that?' (He did, but I did not file any report, etc...)


This is what I've found out on day one. Lord only knows what will come out in the following days about this.

What do I do? Who do I take them to?

Thanks!
by on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amantonacci
by Gold Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:24 PM
1 mom liked this
A counselor
mnmom300
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:34 PM
What happens after the counselor? Or will they just go for a long time? At what point will his actions affect his visitation?

Quoting amantonacci: A counselor
Bubbles2014
by on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:35 PM
WTF
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:37 PM

Sweet Jesus on toast. 

I am not even a real parent and my blood is boiling.

You take them to a counselor. You tell them that secrets are just for fun things that have a deadline.  A bday party, a surprise trip.  That secrets are not to hold bad things.  And that they can tell you anything and you'll make sure they're safe no matter what.

And then a counselor. And for the love of all things holy, if the counselor deems all that to be true, you file whatever you have to so that your kids never have to deal with that shit storm again.

God.  I'm just sick thinking about it.  Maybe they didn't get beaten up but it's still abuse. 

I just have to wonder though...how do they know Dad was drunk? THat seems like somethhing above their age to know.  How did they come by this info?  I'm not calling them or you a liar, but it seems like most kids would say "Dad was acting funny" not "Dad was drunk" at that age.

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:41 PM
It will happen as long as they need it... Unfortunately you have to be able to prove things to change visitation

Quoting mnmom300: What happens after the counselor? Or will they just go for a long time? At what point will his actions affect his visitation?

Quoting amantonacci: A counselor
mnmom300
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:41 PM
It was nuts. My eight-year old said, 'E (SD) drinks beer. Granddad drinks sometimes. But, they're never drunk. I've never seen anything like that.'

Then said, 'I love my dad. I'm supposed to love my dad but why can't my dad just behave?'

I'm scared. Something is going on in their little minds. My son lied to me about getting his haircut. Now, why would he lie about something that simple? It's not right.

Off to find a children's counselor.

Quoting Birdseed:

Sweet Jesus on toast. 

I am not even a real parent and my blood is boiling.

You take them to a counselor. You tell them that secrets are just for fun things that have a deadline.  A bday party, a surprise trip.  That secrets are not to hold bad things.  And that they can tell you anything and you'll make sure they're safe no matter what.

And then a counselor. And for the love of all things holy, if the counselor deems all that to be true, you file whatever you have to so that your kids never have to deal with that shit storm again.

God.  I'm just sick thinking about it.  Maybe they didn't get beaten up but it's still abuse. 

I just have to wonder though...how do they know Dad was drunk? THat seems like somethhing above their age to know.  How did they come by this info?  I'm not calling them or you a liar, but it seems like most kids would say "Dad was acting funny" not "Dad was drunk" at that age.

tiafez
by Silver Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:42 PM

if there is physical violence going on you need to speak to your atty. 

mnmom300
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:43 PM
Will they trust the kids' word? I don't want to put them through a long and drawn out case without knowing that there's a high possibility they will stop or supervise visitation.

Quoting tiafez:

if there is physical violence going on you need to speak to your atty. 

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:45 PM

You need the counselor to be able to take other action. You need that independent 3rd party's opinion to take the next step.  Which to me is "never again."

I'm not a teetotaler.  I don't have a problem with people drinking.  But IMHO, your kids were mentally abused.  Telling a kid they won't see their dad again if they tell what happened is mental abuse. 


And the fact that your kids are so young and your ex and his wife weren't sober? That's endangerment.



tiafez
by Silver Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 4:46 PM

I'm going to treat this as if it were a real poster. 

Why do you even question it? if you feel the home of Dad is not safe, what will you do to maker things change to keep your children safe?

Quoting mnmom300: Will they trust the kids' word? I don't want to put them through a long and drawn out case without knowing that there's a high possibility they will stop or supervise visitation.
Quoting tiafez:

if there is physical violence going on you need to speak to your atty. 


WWNSDD?

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