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Poking the bear

Posted by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:10 AM
  • 125 Replies

you know you want to. do you give in and poke the BM from time to time, nothing too obvious just little things to show her you are in charge now? a little tweak like sending a family Christmas card to her house signed "love, DH, you and the kids"? the say "SS/SD wanted to send one, how could I say no?" or maybe wearing all the same color for kids school/sport events... or sending home items that are clearly from your home?

how hard is it to not poke the bear? Do you withstand the urge or is it an open season on bear at your house?

WWNSDD?

by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
EarlGrayHot
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:13 AM

Sick and sad.  Appalling.

tiafez
by Silver Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:14 AM

please note I never said that I did any of the above, I merely mentioned things I'd heard/read of. 

Bubbles2014
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:18 AM
1 mom liked this
Sending a Christmas card for any reason seems very passive aggressive. We would never.
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Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:20 AM
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I never had the urge to do such a thing...I"ve sent things to her house sure...such as the brownies SS8 learned how to make or that babydoll top of mine,I altered so SD could wear it....I'm sure the kids tell her about our activities together...but other then that....nope

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:24 AM
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I confess, I poke a bit here and there.

I make a point to say "Hi, BM!" in a friendly voice when I encounter her at my SD's events. She makes a face at me.

Then DH and I laugh about it.

KWIM
by Bronze Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:24 AM
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I never understood the women who do that. The furthest I go is a small smirk to myself when BM tries to screw over DH in some way and ends up screwing herself. I hate that I do it, but it really is a "you honestly thought that would work out for you?!" Kind of chuckle. To be honest, it was the same one I used when my kid did something boneheaded.

Before DH, I never knew just how far some women will go because they hate their ex more than they love their child. I never knew a woman who would so easily emotionally abuse a child and use them as their own emotional crutch. Every SM and BM I knew (myself as a BM and my son's SM included) just tried our hardest to be good people and put the children ahead of ourselves.

So no. I don't take any opportunity to screw with BM. She is quite good at carving out and them disposing of huge swatches of sanity in her own life.
tiafez
by Silver Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:26 AM

I wondered if anyone would be honest. 



progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:32 AM

SS really did want us to send a wedding invitation to BM. We didn't.

I don't try to poke BM. I have sent things to her house: baked good, holiday candy, parenting magazines (I get two copies and asked if she wanted the extras), and other small things. But, my intention has never been to poke her. And luckily, she doesn't seem to take offense ...  

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:47 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't poke the bear, and that is being honest, BM and I have no contact with the violence history, no poking is going to happen.

DH at times does things that may upset the bear, like not answering his phone when she calls since she is always begging or complaining.

Right now poking is the furthest from anyone's mind in my situation.
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thecircus8
by Silver Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 9:15 AM
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I haven't with BM of SD3 and ss7, but I have to admit that I did with DD17 BM. When CPS had to be called and we were first getting guardianship, I poked her in the finest Southern Belle butter wouldnt melt in my mouth way. We needed her to show out. It was necessary. Not proud of it but it worked. DD17 had to get out of that sitch.

Other than that, I will say I have had
Thought about it... I am human.
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