you know you want to. do you give in and poke the BM from time to time, nothing too obvious just little things to show her you are in charge now? a little tweak like sending a family Christmas card to her house signed "love, DH, you and the kids"? the say "SS/SD wanted to send one, how could I say no?" or maybe wearing all the same color for kids school/sport events... or sending home items that are clearly from your home?
how hard is it to not poke the bear? Do you withstand the urge or is it an open season on bear at your house?