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S/O "Your husband should show his appreciation"

Posted by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:42 AM
  • 57 Replies

Just for discussion...no real life drama in play.  LOL

In the "would you pay to not see your skids as much" thread, Glockmom made a post that got me thinking.  With regards to being a SM and it being a thankless job, Glock said "Your husband should show his appreciation."

I am wondering...how many of you have husbands who actually have verbalized in some way their appreciation for your efforts when it comes to the skids?  Is that really something that happens on a regular basis?  Should it?  If you're BM and remarried, do you thank your husband?  If so, for what exactly? If you've got kids with your current spouse, do you thank him when he's doing things for the family/your shared progeny?

As a SM, I can think of two people who have acknowledged my efforts and showed appreciation.  And it wasn't my husband.  Or my skids.  It was my MIL and BM.  But my husband doesn't. Maybe if he did, maybe if many other spouses did, Glock is right and there would be less of a "thankless job SM" vibe out there.

But on the other hand, if you're part of the team, should you be appreciated for showing up?  For doing your part?  Once you marry into a life with kids, isn't it part of your "job" to be helping out?  No one is going to thank me or show appreciation for me doing my job at work as I agreed to do when I was hired, why is it/should it be any different at home?




by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Closet_Case
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:43 AM
He does tell me he appreciates me watching her since he hardly ever sees her as is (he gets her all summer but works from about 5 in the morning till 7/8 o'clock at night) but at the same time if I tell him I can't or I'd rather do something else I always get guilted back into doing it
sara82lee
by Bronze Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:45 AM
2 moms liked this
In my house we consider our marriage teamwork, but we still tell each other we appreciate them. I don't know why the have to be exclusive. I can't imagine not hearing from my dh that he appreciates what I do with all of the kids.
SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:56 AM

DH and BM both have thanked me for being a part of SS12's life. I have volunteered my time and energy...its not a job, as how SS turns out in the end is not truly my responsibility.

SS12 has also shown his appreciation for what I do...by taking advantage and just expecting me to do xyz for him, like kids do. It works for us, as I want him to be able to rely on me to be there for him.

tiafez
by Silver Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:56 AM

He has thanked me, for be3ing patient and understanding and that's good enough for me! I wasn't expecting a 'thanks' because he shows me he appreciates me already but getting one was nice. 


LiveInTheNow
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:01 AM

I get thanked, for looking after SD, for doing this and that around the house and vice versa. We appreciate each other. :D

kss12
by Bronze Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:09 AM
DH just this morning said "thanks for always being there for all of us", because I ran up to SS's new school in a different county and got some papers we needed since BM excluded DH from emergency contact papers.
IMO, I don't think men really verbalize their appreciation, DH rarely does, but he shows it just by his actions, he'll smile if he sees something I did, he notices every little thing I do and shows me some form of affection.
SS also shows me some form of appreciation by the way he treats me, he's very loving and respectful of our relationship.
BM hasn't ever shown appreciation and I don't really expect her to or care that she does.
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:14 AM

I do very little for SS but DH is very appreciative when I do anything for him, the things I do are just normal stuff, nothing I thought about much, it could just be a suggestion on how to better do something or just another way he can encourage SS with something. My husband is very pleased whenever I acknowledge SS in some special way. 

SS isn't my job so appreciation is expected but not so much but for DH, I understand.

There are certain things we thank each other for our children, it is usually something out of the norm though, not the routine stuff. I don't need anyone to thank me for doing for my own children, because I am only doing for them, not for DHas is in the case of SS.

hershey6
by Bronze Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:18 AM
My husband does voice his appreciation. Not always on a consistent basis, but he definitely does. It helps take the edge off when I feel overwhelmed by the step situation.
3xangel
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:22 AM
This

Quoting sara82lee: In my house we consider our marriage teamwork, but we still tell each other we appreciate them. I don't know why the have to be exclusive. I can't imagine not hearing from my dh that he appreciates what I do with all of the kids.
packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:40 AM

I get thanked at work. I actually get told that when I leave there will be a couple following because I make things run fairly smooth and they don't want to go through someone else again (I was the third person hired for this job in a year and a half... there are only six positions in the state for this job). 

I thank my husband. I do not expect him to do anything with my ex except be nice. I do not expect my ex to thank him. 

If it wasn't for my husband I'd be paying out the nose for a second insurance, for example, for my kids. They need it because of issues that have come up. HIs job allowed him to put them on there and they pay for it .. and it is awesome insurance. He did not have to do that. I thank him for that a lot. 

As well as all the other things he has chosen to do.

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