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any moms paying CS?

Posted by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:55 PM
  • 15 Replies
This isn't really SM related but an issue I'm having nonetheless. Are there any BM's out there paying CS to their Ex? My Ex and I have joint custody with a 50/50 split. Before Feb of this year, we still had joint physical but I was given more parenting time during the school year. Up until this point he paid me CS, although not a lot because I make more than he does. He filed paperwork for more parenting time and my kids were asking for it as well. He does not live on his own but instead moved back in wIth his parents when we split three years ago and never left. Against my better judgment and on the advice of my attorney I agreed to the arrangement. I was advised that because of my children's ages (13 and 15) he would get it anyway. I offered to split all costs with him equally if he didnt want child support. He said no. He would rather get the CS. Now I pay him $400 a month for joint custody and he still refuses to pay for anything. He still says I owe him half of everything. Furthermore, as a mom, I am accustomed to providing for the children. Making sure they are taken care of and have everything they need. Now he's supposed to do it but isn't. And I'm missing out on opportunities with my kids. My daughter will have prom this year but he should be the one buying the dress so it stands to reason he'll be the one to take her shopping. School clothes, hair cuts, etc. All the things I enjoy doing are no longer my job. I feel like I've been stripped of my motherhood.
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 12:26 AM
2 moms liked this
If it's 50/50, why do you assume he's supposed to pay for everything? Usually, you paY CS and then pay for the things the kids need on your time, and roughly half of other expenses. If you want to go prom shopping with you daughter, then take her and pay for the dress. Why is this a big deal?
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:27 AM
Are you paying CS because of your income difference?

Personally - as a mom - if I were paying CS, I would still expect to have expenses when my children are with me. If I wanted to do all of those things - like prom dress shopping and what not - I would go ahead and just pay for it and not fret over the CS.
You may need to plan ahead and start saving so that financially you are not strapped when the time comes. If you saved $100 a month ($50 a pay check) you would have enough by prom season to do those things.

You've not been stripped of anything. You're paying CS obviously because of parenting time or because of income difference. You are still able to do other things for your kids. It didn't take away your ability and right to do those things. It sounds like CS is calculated based on income of both parents and raising his household income to be equal to yours. You both have the same amount of money to provide for the kids during your parenting time. You paying CS does not absolve you from providing during your parenting time. And should not stop you from doing those things like prom shopping. You'll just have to plan ahead and save some money if it is a financial struggle to do extras.
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Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 2:07 AM
BM is supposed to pay CS, although she doesn't do so consistently. She also refuses to help with any expenses above and beyond her pitiful CS amount.

I think its reasonable for a non-custodial parent to help out with expenses above and beyond child support. Kids, especially teenagers, are not cheap.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 2:08 AM
How often do you have your children now?
skittlesja
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:31 AM

Due to West Virginia Law and myself being in the USNavy, now retired, I do pay child support.  My boys are living with their father due to this law.  I just actually got it reduced because my Ex didn't let the courts know that he FINALLY got a job.  Now with that being said, my boys want to live with me.  I tried in court this past May/June, but because my oldest will be a Senior in High School this year, they felt it was better if we didn't change his school.  You better believe I will be going back to court to try again for the two younger ones.  I do pay other expenses as well when they are with me.  

My husband does not want us to support the habits that they have when they are with me though when they go back to West Virginina.  My oldest had the choice to come here and live and changed his mind at the last minute.  We've come to find out that he was "pressured" into staying in WV.  He has a cell phone and other niceities when he comes to our house, but my husband doesn't want to send those back.  My ex didn't work for 12 years by his own desire, not because there wasn't jobs to be had.  He is very lazy and doesn't pay bills on time, etc.  

Long story short, yes, I pay child support, and yes, I have out of pocket expenses on top of that.  It sucks, but they are my boys and I will do what I need to do to make sure they are taken care of.  My ex is only out of money anyways.  It felt so nice to take some away from him.  

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:35 AM

Take her shopping for the dress, let her pick it out, then have her Dad go and pay for it and pick it up.

RigPrincess85
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:41 AM
BM is supposed to but she has yet to pay a single dime. I will never understand why she refuses to pay CS.
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 7:42 AM

When we had a custody change BM actually told the judge that Moms don't pay CS.  She did pay CS until she was fired a few months ago.  Now it comes from her brother becasue he controls her trust fund.  She knows DH would file contempt and she can't let that happen with all of her legal problems.

Has DH filed contempt against her?

Quoting RigPrincess85: BM is supposed to but she has yet to pay a single dime. I will never understand why she refuses to pay CS.


rowden7082
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 8:02 PM
This may be lengthy so I apologize in advance. To answer your question...
* First and foremost, I can't afford it. My husband and I pay nearly $1000 in CS each month. He has four of his own children with a 50/50 split. While I understand it's not my children's fault or their father's fault I remarried someone with for children, money is money and we only have so much of it
* While my Ex payed me child support he NEVER one payed for anything. His position was that he payed me CS so it was my job to provide everything. As I stated in my original post, we have always had joint physical custody.The difference from then to now is 6 days a month. On his weeks he has them four overnights as opposed to the seven now.
* He has told me that unless I continue to pay for everything he will pull them out of all their activities and they can sit in their rooms and play video games all day if they want. He doesn't care
*I originally objected to the CS because he was playing these games. At our hearing, our judge told him it was his job to provide those things for the children. He is responsible for clothing, School supplies, extracurricular, etc
* I have been paying CS since Feb. He still hasn't bought them clothes for his house. My kids still pack a bag every week to take to his house
* Since Feb I have payed out over $1000 in addition to my CS for medical bills, camps, etc. He refuses to reimburse me our even pay half. These are activities and camps our children have always attended, even when we were married
* I pay CS due to wage disparities. However, He has twice had the opportunity to work for the exact same company I work for making the exact same wages and both times was walked out after he didnt pass the drug test!
* He has no bills. He lives with his parents, admitted under oath he pays no rent, doesnt have a car payment, doesnt attend school, etc. He's an alcoholic that drinks his paycheckr
* Has droPped our of college courses twice. Has no motivation to better himself.
*could keep going but hopefully you get the point.

Quoting DDDaysh: If it's 50/50, why do you assume he's supposed to pay for everything? Usually, you paY CS and then pay for the things the kids need on your time, and roughly half of other expenses. If you want to go prom shopping with you daughter, then take her and pay for the dress. Why is this a big deal?
DDDaysh
by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 8:14 PM
The thing is, that's not how CS works, especially not in a 50/50 wage disparity situation. 400/month simply doesn't cover enough for 2 kids, and while you might be frustrated he isn't doing what you want, you've just gotta suck it up. If you need more money, I suggest you or your husband increase your hours, get a second job, or find somewhere else to cut back on expenses.

I get it, it sucks when all the finances fall on you. Sometimes it does mean your kids can't do certain activities. I got laid off this year, and DS's dad hasn't paid anything in over two years (he has no visitation either, so I have 100% of the grocery/utilities costs too). This year he wasn't able to do v as much as he's used to doing over the summer. It sucks, but that's reality.

Prom dresses don't have to be expensive. I spent less than $100 on prom between BOTH years. You just have to be creative. If you and your daughter want to share this experience, you can make it happen, it'll just take some sacrifices.



Quoting rowden7082: This may be lengthy so I apologize in advance. To answer your question...
* First and foremost, I can't afford it. My husband and I pay nearly $1000 in CS each month. He has four of his own children with a 50/50 split. While I understand it's not my children's fault or their father's fault I remarried someone with for children, money is money and we only have so much of it
* While my Ex payed me child support he NEVER one payed for anything. His position was that he payed me CS so it was my job to provide everything. As I stated in my original post, we have always had joint physical custody.The difference from then to now is 6 days a month. On his weeks he has them four overnights as opposed to the seven now.
* He has told me that unless I continue to pay for everything he will pull them out of all their activities and they can sit in their rooms and play video games all day if they want. He doesn't care
*I originally objected to the CS because he was playing these games. At our hearing, our judge told him it was his job to provide those things for the children. He is responsible for clothing, School supplies, extracurricular, etc
* I have been paying CS since Feb. He still hasn't bought them clothes for his house. My kids still pack a bag every week to take to his house
* Since Feb I have payed out over $1000 in addition to my CS for medical bills, camps, etc. He refuses to reimburse me our even pay half. These are activities and camps our children have always attended, even when we were married
* I pay CS due to wage disparities. However, He has twice had the opportunity to work for the exact same company I work for making the exact same wages and both times was walked out after he didnt pass the drug test!
* He has no bills. He lives with his parents, admitted under oath he pays no rent, doesnt have a car payment, doesnt attend school, etc. He's an alcoholic that drinks his paycheckr
* Has droPped our of college courses twice. Has no motivation to better himself.
*could keep going but hopefully you get the point.

Quoting DDDaysh: If it's 50/50, why do you assume he's supposed to pay for everything? Usually, you paY CS and then pay for the things the kids need on your time, and roughly half of other expenses. If you want to go prom shopping with you daughter, then take her and pay for the dress. Why is this a big deal?
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