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SS left me his laundry to do

Posted by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:18 PM
  • 40 Replies

I'm having a bad week for a lot of reasons. I told my husband our life is like flipping through a books pages. Any page you stop on has a problem to worry with right now! So, suffice it to say I'm not tolerant of much needless aggravation.

20 yo SS has been spending two weeks with us and two with his mom all summer on college break. As I've said before he is doing nothing but laying in his room this summer and that is fine with DH and his mom apparently. He returned to his mom's house yesterday and left a pile of clothes in the laundry basket from the past two weeks for me to wash. He's used our washer before and knows how, and I haven't washed his clothes all summer, I figured he and DD could wash their own clothes now that they are out of high school and sleeping all day while DH and I have  full time jobs and cook and clean! He did bring his dishes out of his room and those were stacked beside the sink, over the dishwasher. Here is how mean I am feeling today. I took a bath towel and laid over his clothes so DH wouldn't notice them and wash them for him.  Let him fish them out and take them to his mom to wash if he needs them when he leaves for school. I don't play games like that with DH or BM, but I don't like being treated like the maid by grown ass kids that lay in my house all day, eat my hard earned food and leave it all for me to clean up. Bam, that's my rant!

by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:18 PM
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by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:25 PM
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I wouldn't wash them either.  I would attempt to leave the dishes there for him to clean when he comes back but my OCD probably wouldn't allow it.

by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:26 PM
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I'm not there with Skids (I don't have them) but, for my own boys... 12 and 16, if they did something like that... I'd 'help' them by taking that pile of clothing, and dishes, and put them all back on his bed... And there they'd sit until he came home again.  I'd also 'help' by buying a cheap pack of paper plates and plastic flatwear and a note saying 'THIS' was now his to use until he learned how to clean up after himself.... (well, I wouldn't so much do it with the dishes because the dishwasher is broken and the boys haven't 'quite' mastered the difference between HOT water and luke warm water for washing dishes... still working on that one, but laundry?  They've had that nailed since they were each around 8... no excuses there...)    Not sure I could do that with a Step but, I might then put the dirty stuff where DH could do for his kids if he isn't going to insist that they be contributing members of the household.  :( 

by Gold Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:28 PM
1 mom liked this

I honestly don't understand why you worry about this...if dad wants to take on the workload, not your problem...that's dad's foolish mistake...why would you even consider it was left for you to do...if those "kids" are PASSED high school age and think you're going to do their did that expectation get set up?...I can only see if you have been doing it...and that you have to take responsibility for.

I quit doing the kids laudry at 9...we have a simple washer...put in clothes...soap...and literally hit on and start...I told them each as they turn 9 I don't do their laundry anymore...every one has been "surprised' at 9 when the laundry stopped and at least a few times have had a laundry crisis with no clean clothes...I simply said "that is my emergency how? you know how to do laundry and saw the basket getting full.' Then I just walked away from the converstation...a couple of those conversations...I don't even hear about the laundry...

If dad wants to take on the workload of his lazy kids...let him do it until HE gets tired of it and cracks down on them. I have stood my ground with my DH. I simply tell him "*I* think the kids are getting old enough to do ____ for themselves, so I'm not doing it, if you want to do it for them, that's on you but either they are made to do it, or you do it, I no longer feel it is appropriate to do it for them, so *I* will not, they are the age they should be doing this for themselves in my opinion." I just stand my ground.

by Gold Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:40 PM

if my kid did that, I'd leave them right there so he could find them when he was ready to wash them himself. 

by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:43 PM
Why do you assume he left them for you to do? Maybe he fully intends to do them when he comes back. Procrastination is not necessarily and order or even request to you.
by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:49 PM
It seems like you are actually playing games with DH and SS. Why put the towel over the basket? How do you know the clothes were left there with the intention of having you wash them? I say leave the clothes and see what happens. Whatever the result is, don't be angry.
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:53 PM

I laughed when I read some of the comments because when my 29 year old son came to visit a few weeks ago, I eagerly did his laundry because I felt more connected with him! Silly, huh?  Especially since I stopped doing his laundry when he was 14.

With regard to the SKs, I would do what I did with my own children:  put the pile of (unwashed) laundry in their room and get it out of my way. Or put it in a clean plastic trash bag or basket and place it in a corner, but make sure to alert the kid that the clothes were waiting for them to wash.  When DH's daughters were still coming over, I hated that they expected me to clear the table, load the dishwasher, and clean the kitchen while they lounged with their father.  A few choice words with their father in private had him "suggesting" to the kids that they help after dinner, with him leading by example.  

by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:57 PM

I have woken up at 7 am on a Sat morning an 19 yr old SD.  She left me a sink full of dirty dishes and pots.

I woke her up, told her i was not her maid, she will wash, dry and put the dishes awsay.She says oh I made something to eat at 2 am and i was tired so i didn't wash the dishes.  I told her she should be sleeping in bed at 2 am and not cooking in my kitchen.    Everyone knows dont Mess with MY kitchen.  

at 19 and home from college both of your kids should be helping out around the house.


by Ruby Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 2:22 PM

Honestly i would have put the clothes back in his room or let DH handle it. I've done this with SD13...she leaves her dirty clothes all over the bedroom she shares with DD,I just scoop them up and put them on her bed.

by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 3:01 PM
When dh gets home let him know that his son left him a pile of dirty dishes to wash and clothes to wash, dry, and fold.

Problem solved.
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