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SS has decided he's all grown up.

Posted by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:04 PM
  • 19 Replies

My Step-son just turned 6.  He decided on his birthday that he was all grown up and doesn't have to listen to anything anyone says.  He's rude and disrespectful.  His mother is in a master slave relationship.  The stepfather is abusive, but passes it off as being the master.  It's mostly verbal, but he has been trying to teach my stepson that the "man" makes sure that everything gets done and sits around while others do it.  

Now, from what I understand, his bm does make him do chores, and he does get punished, but she doesn't follow through with any of it.  When he comes here, like this weekend, we don't put up with his crap.  But here is where my delima is.  He started doing this crap when my Husband went to pick them up.  He started snatching things and when asked said he was all grown up and didn't have to be polite.  I really want to go into his room and pick up everything in there that is a toy and take it out.  Should I?  The other thing we are looking at doing is having him "work" to show him what "grown up" means.  Right now, since he's being destructive, to pay back anything that he breaks or tries to break, he has to do a task and gets about a nickle per task to pay it back.  We just started this last time so I don't know if that will change or not. 

I'm at my wits end.  I honestly don't want him to come here.  He screws up the entire weekend and takes away from quality time that we could all be spending and it is really hard on his sister.

Any quality advice?

by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
hopeful_leslie
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:09 PM
2 moms liked this
Um yea the first thing you need to do is take all of his toys (if he is destroying things in your home) second your dh needs to reinforce ground rules on him real quick! If he is coming from a house where some wacko is teaching him to be this way if your dh don't get control of it now it will only get worse! Good Luck Mama
skittlesja
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:12 PM

My DH does do that, it seems every weekend.  We end up having OMG conversations with this kid.  I tell you, in about 3 weekend, he will be a different kid.  It's only the few couple of weekends after the sd comes to visit.

mrsd2013
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:21 PM
3 moms liked this

 Tell him dh is the 'master' of that house.  you can't focus on what's going on at bm's.  Dh needs to let ss know that behavior will not be tolerated. Establish 'house rules' and consequences.  Dh will need to communicate those rules with ss and enforce them.  Stay consistent. 

skittlesja
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:23 PM

Ah yes!  I've been thinking that something like might need to be done, but my dominant mommy side comes out way too much.  That is something I will speak to my DH about when he gets home!

mrsd2013
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:23 PM

 Also, your attitude needs to change.  You are talking negatively about bm and you don't want ss to come to your home.  Nothing will get better until dh steps up and you step back. 

skittlesja
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:27 PM

None of this is ever said in front, near or anywhere close to the kids.  He actually started mouthing off about his mother and we both jumped on him.  I will not allow disrespect of his mother in my house.  No matter how I feel about her.  And neither will DH.  He is HUGE on that point.  He has stopped him before when dropping the kids off to her.


progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 7:53 PM
If that's the kind of lifestyle that he's exposed to at BM's why would you want him to stop visiting you and stay there permanently?
skittlesja
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 8:07 PM

It's not that I want him to stop visiting.  I'm at my wits end is all.  I get tired of constantly having to discipline him.  It seems as that is all we do.

MBanks524
by Gold Member on Aug. 15, 2014 at 1:52 AM
1 mom liked this
Yes, take the toys. Set clear expectations and consequences. I would have a united front, be consistent, and make sure he knew he was NOT the king. You can't control what BM does and shouldn't focus on it
DinoBug5959
by Member on Aug. 15, 2014 at 2:04 AM
2 moms liked this

Def. take away all of his toys. Make him a chart. "If you do this, this is what will happen to you." Follow through. 

My nephew went through this was he was 6 or so. My SIL said that Kings and Grown Ups had a lot of responsibility and work to do, and asked if he still wanted to pretend he was a King and a Grown Up. He said yes, so he suddenly had a lot of responsibilties all at once. That tidied him up real fast when he had to clean the litterboxes, which has previously been a "grown up" chore. 

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