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I took SS swimming...BM angry

Posted by on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:23 AM
  • 27 Replies
My girls asked if SS could go swimming at the beach with us. I asked BM if I could pick him up a little early on DH day so he could go with us to the beach. DH wasn't going, he had to work. BM said no, bc she was going to take him that day. So I waited until SS was at DH house and he had to work... I watch SS when his dad works. We went to the beach. BM found out and was passed. Come to find out she just didn't want me taking him swimming. However in the past when I couldn't babysit when it was DH weekend... BM would not watch him. So I always include SS in my plans. Should I have changed my plans bc BM doesn't want me doing particular things with SS? Now SS said that his mom told him that he can't talk to me or my girls but he said she was joking. If it's DH weekend and I'm babysitting should it matter what she says... if she refuses to watch him.
by on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:23 AM
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by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:27 AM
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I think with stuff like that, if it's dad's time, dad gets to decide what SS does.

Does mom run all of her plans passed dad to make sure he's OK with them all? Probably not. I wouldn't worry.

by Ruby Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:31 AM
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Well she's just being ridiculous. If dad is allowed to designate anyone to keep ss while he is working then she can just keep getting mad and keep getting over it.

The only time I got mad at sm for taking dd swimming was because 1. Dd could not swim and had an accident that required the life guards to go in after her. The excuse was 'I didn't know she couldn't swim'. That pissed me off. Anyone taking any child swimming should know if they can swim or not.
2. She didn't use sun block and then I had to deal with the sun burn for the next week. Her excuse then was also 'I didn't know - I'm Hispanic and don't burn so I don't even buy sunblock'. Well my kid is whiter than a ghost. That is just common sense. Dads fault on that one.

Otherwise I really can't imagine why she would be mad unless she would just rather be the one to keep him while dad is working.
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by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 5:39 AM
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It amazes me whay people complain about.
by on Aug. 18, 2014 at 7:28 AM
She can, and will get over it.
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by Silver Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 8:09 AM
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What you and your DH do on your time is your business. What BM and SO (if she has one) do on their time is their business.
As long as the child is not being harmed or put in danger I don't see a big deal.
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 8:10 AM
Sounds like one of those simple mis-communications.
You know- she said "no you can't pick him up early" and that actually meant " no, I don't trust you to make sure he doesn't drown in the ocean."
Or whatever it meant to BM.

If that can't be cleaned up like a normal adult mis-communication clean up would actually go
(Chances are it won't be that easy because there may not be enough affinity between you and BM for that to happen) then moving forward - let your husband know, if you're watching SS for him, SS will have to go wherever you are going or do whatever it is you're planning with the girls and if that doesn't work for BM, she should make other arrangements for him. Share you'd love to take him and you won't have you're life dictated by another woman because you're a grown woman and a mother too and that is all. Or ask BM what that's really about & clear it up
by on Aug. 18, 2014 at 12:06 PM
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 Since bm has set the precedent that she doesn't want ROFR if DH is working on his visitation, then she has to get over it.  Was there a therapy warranted water event is SS's prior years that is causing bm to not want him near any body of water? Or is she just trying to control what happens during DH's visitation?  If DH gave his ok for his child to go swimming, bm can take it up with him.  If bm is upset because it was SM who took him swimming, she has created her own problem and can find her own solution for dealing with the fact that her kid has a SM.

As far as SS telling you what his bm said about you. Ignore, act like it doesn't impact you and move on.  Don't put SS in the middle between you and bm's dislike for each other.  It's not his fault and he is just repeating, like every child does.  Be the bigger person and stop the banter. Don't engage in it, and you will be happier for it!!

by Ruby Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:27 PM

 nope it shouldnt. if she expects you to watch him then he needs to fit into your plans. and how the hell were you supposed to know why if she didnt tell you?

by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:34 PM
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I've had similar situations happen with me early on...  If it's dad's time, it's dad's call.  It's BM's obligation to communicate to dad any concerns or other pertinent info.  If, for example, there was an issue with SS at the beach, such as a fear of SS's or inability to swim, etc.  BM needs to let dad know.  Then it would be dad's decision if SS can go to the beach.  If it's BM's fear that you are incapable of watching SS - that's her issue.  

I hope it gets better for you!

by on Aug. 18, 2014 at 1:47 PM

I think it always matters what both parents say, not just one. Babysitters are normally required to listen to both parents, take both into consideration, Sps shouldn't be exempt from that. I get that some think it is different, but I don't ... two parents at all times, not just when it suits those in the kid's lives.

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