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How did the begin go for you?

Posted by on Aug. 26, 2014 at 2:01 PM
  • 76 Replies
I finally met my bf kids after 6 years of trying. The BM finally "allowed" for me to meet them. I've seen them twice, they don't say two words to me without bf prompting them (say hi, say bye). My son has finally met them once and they didn't talk to him, they played along side him. Bf kids are 9 and 7, my son is 8. It's all very awkward. I know BM has bad mouthed me, gotten into fights with bf in front of the kids about me never being allowed near them. I'm damn sure she talked even more shit about me that bf didn't hear. Was it really awkward when you first met your SO kids? How long does the awkwardness last? How did you fix it? Not being able to do anything all together put a huge strain on our relationship, now I feel seeing them is putting a big strain on our relationship. I just didn't things would be this way. But I'm pretty sure they hate me. What do I do???
by on Aug. 26, 2014 at 2:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 2:03 PM

Does he have a CO?  I don't understand why she had control on this.

Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Aug. 26, 2014 at 2:06 PM
5 moms liked this

BM doesn't dictate what DH does or who he let's SD meet....I kinda feel like that's huge red flags that your bf lets his ex dictate his life and choices when it comes to his kids...

Tsmommy106
by Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 2:07 PM
He doesn't. He says he tried to take her to court and she just drags it out till he runs out money. She plays a lot of games and he's stupid as hell to allow it, but not my kids, not my fight. I'm more pushing him to be the father he supposedly wants to be. He has no problem with me having my son 24/7 and always doing stuff with him but when it comes to getting his kids, he doesn't want to deal with her so he doesn't try very hard. It pisses me off. He doesn't have money to keep going back to court over and over again for all her BS though.
tiafez
by Silver Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 2:11 PM
3 moms liked this

if you have to force him to be a Father then the problem is him. 

pink_sugar
by on Aug. 26, 2014 at 2:12 PM

Just keep on being YOU.  Don't let anything BM says or does to affect the way you treat these kids.  If you avoid them, you are basically telling them, "Yes, your mom is right about me!"

Skids will eventually learn that BM lies.

JamieLynn454
by on Aug. 26, 2014 at 2:13 PM

I feel like it takes alot of time for a child to trust. Especially when they have been told things they shouldn't have. Try to have a clean slate with them. It's summer a great place to go is somewhere fun, like a water park or amusement park. I know they are costly but it would be a great ice breaker for everyone. I'm sorry you have been kept from them for so long, but they need to know the truth from both of you of  why this happened.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 2:16 PM
2 moms liked this

That's a cluster fuck you couldn't pay me to touch.  He doesn't want to be a Dad so stop trying to make him.  That would be a deal breaker for me.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 2:25 PM
1 mom liked this

You've dated this guy for 7 years and in all that time he's not seen his kids? Or has he seen them just not with you?  Something doesn't add up here to me.  7 years and he hasn't managed to get a CO? 

Don't push him to be what he clearly doesn't want to be.  This isn't on BM.  This is on your bf.  I don't blame the kids for not trust you, they can't even trust their dad enough to fight to see them on a regular basis. 

This is a bf problem.

He finds it 'easy' to play dad to your DS8 because, well, you're doing all the work, and the kid is right there.  If you made it more difficult for him to see your kid I suspect he wouldn't do anything about it either. 

There's nothing in this world that would keep me from fighting to see my kids. BM doesn't have as much power as boyfriend is giving her, nor as much as you're believing. 

My advice, stop trying to push him to be who he's not.  Either accept him, flaws and all, or walk away.  If you're looking for a partner who's good with/to his own kids, this is not the man you're looking for.  If he's not willing to do the work on his own (not needing you to 'push' him into it), the only ones who'll end up hurt are his kids.  Stop. 

oldproatthis
by Silver Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 2:26 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree. I also smell bullshit...Judges don't like the same bullshit on the docket over and over so there is more to his story...if he really wanted a visitation schedule set...it would be, plain and simple. He's feeding you some bullshit.

He likes the no baggage kind of life is what it sounds like to me...

Quoting WifeyC:

That's a cluster fuck you couldn't pay me to touch.  He doesn't want to be a Dad so stop trying to make him.  That would be a deal breaker for me.

 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 2:27 PM
1 mom liked this

BM wasn't involved in SD's life at all when I met DH. I actually met DH and SD on the same day through mutal friends of DH and I.

Why does BM have so much control over your boyfriend?

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