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What do you think is going on with this?

Posted by on Aug. 27, 2014 at 2:25 PM
  • 82 Replies

Two years ago, DH and I had a custom house built on an acre in a new subdivision - it's a really, really nice place to live - big spacious lots, only house in the cul-de-sac, 12 acre common area surrounded by private walking path, etc.  Our house isn't some mansion or anything, but we lived for 4 years in a tiny 950sq ft, 2bed1bath "crap shack" so that we could pay off the lot and then have a large amount to start building.  Out new house is 1800 sq ft ranch with 3 bed and 3 bath and we'll be finishing the basement soon to have 3000sq ft of 'finished' living space (adding two more bedrooms and another bathroom plus media room and play area).  

Anyway, ever since we moved and my SD started to visit more often (she lives a state away - usually we go to visit her, but since we've moved in and have so much more space, we have her come here more often than before),  SD keeps talking about how her mom and stepdad are "going to put their house on the market because they just need a bigger house with more room"  and her mom "needs things like granite countertops and a newer neighborhood".    *eye roll*    Their house is in a very nice area and could be listed for around 160k - the houses in the neighborhood that SD says they are going to move to go for around 350k-550k (quite a jump in house payment).      

This has been going on for almost a year - SD telling us about moving to a bigger, better house.  But, their current house has yet to be listed.  We thought maybe this we kind of a reaction to the fact that SD would go home and tell her mom about our new house and everything and her mom thinking "oh, we need new stuff too"  (her mom is the quintessential "keeping up with the joneses suburban yuppie wanna-be") - Sad, but whatever, doesn't really affect us except it bothers us that we feel like SD is being 'toyed' with...

What has happened lately is that everytime we visit with SD, mom calls her talking about "oh, we're going to put the house on the market when you get home" or "Oh, SF is taking me to go look at big new houses" .  Like EVERY TIME she's with us...early this month, SD took a family vacation to FL - and we picked up SD after she left the airport upon returning (it was a Saturday eveining and we were keeping her until Monday afternoon).   Sunday night, SD is huddled in a corner talking to her mom for the 3rd time that day (mom gives her the third degree if she doesn't answer her phone when with us) and when she was done, she tells DH - "I can't wait until tomorrow - my mom says that as soon as I get home, we're going to put the house on the market!"  

WTF - this is the 5th or 6th visit where SD has received a call from her mom about putting the house on the market when she gets back home...and it is 3 weeks later and the house is still not on the market.  And why couldn't this wait until the next day when she went back with her mom??!   Why does BM keep calling SD when she's with us talking about selling their house and getting a new one? - Is it serious jealousy that we have a new house?  I'd hope not!  We worked hard to get this one - and though I LOVE it, it's not like going to be in any parade of homes any time soon.  Or is it just another thing to ensure SD is excited about going home (when SD was younger, BM used to call her and tell her that she had so many prizes and presents waiting for her when she got home so that all SD could focus on was getting back there).  What do you think? 

by on Aug. 27, 2014 at 2:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
NotARockStar
by Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 2:29 PM
2 moms liked this

Try thinking this through, why does this bother you?

From reading this post, it seems that you are bothered by this because you want SD to be excited about your house. BM is stealing your thunder by getter her excited about her house.

This, alone, really isn't that big of a deal. The child may not even know what "put the house on the market" means.

Bresmom13
by New Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this

 Different situation but sounds about the same. Dh and I were expecting our first child together and while I was pregnant Ss told us that his mom is expecting too. Bad part of this story, BM can never have anymore kids. We never found out if it was Ss making up stories or if BM was jealous.

mischele
by Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 2:36 PM
1 mom liked this
What a weird situation
MomMomMomMama
by Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 2:44 PM


Quoting NotARockStar:

Try thinking this through, why does this bother you?

From reading this post, it seems that you are bothered by this because you want SD to be excited about your house. BM is stealing your thunder by getter her excited about her house.

This, alone, really isn't that big of a deal. The child may not even know what "put the house on the market" means.

She's 11, so she knows what "put the house on the market means".  We've been in our house almost 2 years.  I don't care if she's excited about it or not, really.  I'm not really "bothered" other than it seems like SD is being unintentionally messed with (one phone calls was almost tears as SD was saying things like "what?  I thought he was on your side?!  Why is he being like this!?" and then later tells us that her SF is telling BM that he's not sure he wants to sell the house yet because of money)   I'm really  just kind of curious as to what's going on...seeing what other people think?!   I don't really tie 'worth' and 'emotion' to stuff - our house suits our needs.  I'm sure some people would be appalled to have to live in an 1800sqft house!  There isn't really any thunder to steal on our part, though maybe that is what BM thinks she is doing?  I dunno!

MomMomMomMama
by Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 2:48 PM


Quoting Bresmom13:

 Different situation but sounds about the same. Dh and I were expecting our first child together and while I was pregnant Ss told us that his mom is expecting too. Bad part of this story, BM can never have anymore kids. We never found out if it was Ss making up stories or if BM was jealous.

Yeah, we thought at first it was SD saying things - but then the phone calls started happening.   I just don't understand what the motive is - if any.  DH says that his exwife isn't smart/deep enough to be that manipulative - part of me kind of agrees with that....he thinks maybe it is as shallow as "you can't have a bigger house than me or you have some how won so I'm going to get something bigger than you" and she just wants us to know it - so the only way to make sure that WE know she's going to have a bigger house is to ensure her daughter talks about it when she is with us....   

We have totally different life views/philosophies so it is hard to think from her point of view.


Bubbles2014
by on Aug. 27, 2014 at 2:50 PM
BM has nothing better to do. Christamighty.
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whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 2:52 PM

Maybe it's not mom at all, maybe it's SD who feels she and her family have to up with you. Who can say.

XXanonymousXX
by Silver Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 2:57 PM
You never know why anyone does what they do. And who really cares most of the time. If it doesn't directly effect you don't even think about it, because you'll probably never understand it.
Bresmom13
by New Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 3:11 PM

 

Quoting MomMomMomMama:

 

Quoting Bresmom13:

 Different situation but sounds about the same. Dh and I were expecting our first child together and while I was pregnant Ss told us that his mom is expecting too. Bad part of this story, BM can never have anymore kids. We never found out if it was Ss making up stories or if BM was jealous.

Yeah, we thought at first it was SD saying things - but then the phone calls started happening.   I just don't understand what the motive is - if any.  DH says that his exwife isn't smart/deep enough to be that manipulative - part of me kind of agrees with that....he thinks maybe it is as shallow as "you can't have a bigger house than me or you have some how won so I'm going to get something bigger than you" and she just wants us to know it - so the only way to make sure that WE know she's going to have a bigger house is to ensure her daughter talks about it when she is with us....   

We have totally different life views/philosophies so it is hard to think from her point of view.

 

 Trust me its the ones you under estimate that are the smart ones. I think it was BM saying it to her kids cause he even came over one day and said that her unborn child was sick and then she I guess wasnt pregnant anymore after we told him that his mom couldnt have anymore babies due to having surgery.

ManicAttack
by on Aug. 27, 2014 at 3:17 PM

Yeah....BM did this with SS back when we first moved.  She also stopped coming to pick SS up, as well, even though when we lived in our shit shack she would spend 40 minutes standing in the kitchen talking to us.

It's called she is jealous, and she is trying to get SD on her side, and you need to laugh it off and not give a shit.  End of story.  Nothing is going on.

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