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What would you do?! Advice please

Posted by on Aug. 29, 2014 at 12:48 PM
  • 32 Replies

Just looking for advice.  I'm really torn.  My husband and I talked about having one more child, but things with sd continue to be stressful.  I love her dearly so please don't take this post wrong!!  Its just been difficult.  5 yr old sd still doesnt know how to wipe her own butt, has difficulty feeding herself, continues to spill at every meal, is jealous of the other children, hits, bites, kicks and speaks very rudely to all of us.  If the other children talk to dh or I she interrupts or becomes upset.  If someone else tries to speak to the other children she is the same way.  For example, a shoe salesman was trying to help the two oldest try on shoes, she became so jealous that she was yelling at the salesman and even lifted her shirt and told the salesman "Look at my shirt!  Look how cute I am."  We give each of the kids one on one time, even though she gets hers she still gets upset when the others get theirs.  We put sd in counseling hoping to get her on the right track, now the counselor gave us the bad news that since sd's mom is so inconsistent and will not help with behaviors that she feels we are stuck at this point.  Since we have rules at our house she tells us she hates us and hates our house.  we have 50/50 custody, but mom never picks her up so we have ATLEAST 75% parenting time.  She lies to her mom and tells her that the other kids hit and bite her despite it being the other way around.  We love her and i know however i say this it is going to be taken the wrong way....but she is so disruptive to the entire household.  we are bending over backwards to give her extra attention, take her to therapy, try to teach her right from wrong and things just keep getting worse.  

so first my question:  What else can we try??  How do we handle the situation differently??

My big debate:  I think we are going to stop ttc.  I just might get a tubal.  I feel like if we don't have another child I may become bitter over the fact........but if we do have another child she will get that much more jealous and its already not fair to the other 3 children that they are constantly taking a back seat to her behaviors (that probably came out wrong too).  SOOOO what would you do?  

im asking for advice because I want to be a successful step parent, we want to be a happy blended family.  Its incredibly stressful and if i had hours i would explain the behaviors better.  Please please don't think I'm just complaining.

by on Aug. 29, 2014 at 12:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 12:54 PM

How old are the other children?  Are they yours, his or ours?  How long have you been married?

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 12:55 PM

Are the other children all yours?  How old are they?  Why does SD have to come shoe shopping with the other kids?  Can't she stay home with DH? 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 12:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I recommend parenting classes for you and your husband.

stashia
by Bronze Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 1:05 PM


Quoting pdxmum:

How old are the other children?  Are they yours, his or ours?  How long have you been married?

9 (mine) 6 (mine) 5 (sd) 2 (ours)  just over 3 yrs now

stashia
by Bronze Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 1:08 PM


Quoting OvrMyHead:

Are the other children all yours?  How old are they?  Why does SD have to come shoe shopping with the other kids?  Can't she stay home with DH? 

oldest 2 mine, youngest is ours together 9, 6, 5, 2

DH needed shoes too and we were picking sd up.  so we picked her up, went shoe shopping, went home.  and before i get attacked..we just bought sd brand new shoes a few weeks ago thats why she wasnt getting any lol

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 1:10 PM

Have you tried counseling for you and DH?  Like parenting classes?

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 1:12 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm going to suggest that you think about your bio filter and how that might be impacting your reactions to your SD.  

stashia
by Bronze Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 1:15 PM


Quoting pdxmum:

Have you tried counseling for you and DH?  Like parenting classes?

yes, we went last year for awhile for tips how to deal with a blended family, we went to specifically learn how to deal with sds behaviors a few months ago and we went to counseling with sd in which her therapist went over tips too.  we are sincerely trying our hardest.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 1:23 PM

Why did you stop?

Quoting stashia:


Quoting pdxmum:

Have you tried counseling for you and DH?  Like parenting classes?

yes, we went last year for awhile for tips how to deal with a blended family, we went to specifically learn how to deal with sds behaviors a few months ago and we went to counseling with sd in which her therapist went over tips too.  we are sincerely trying our hardest.


Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 1:31 PM
Really? WTF kind of counselor says a 5 year old is basically hopeless?

Find a new counselor ASAP and work on family counseling.

My SD's BM is very inconsistent, giving up over 60% of her visitation and pawning SD off on BM's mom when she DOES take visitation.

Not once did SD's counselor say we were shit out of luck and SD was stuck that way. And my SD was 12 when she started counseling.

Family counseling and parenting classes to figure out how to help your SD is what I wpuld recommend .
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