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OW status...

Posted by on Aug. 30, 2014 at 1:17 AM
  • 73 Replies

 Dh was not married. He had a kid, and 6 months later, broke up with Bm. We started hanging out 3 weeks before they broke up, 4 weeks befor I broke up with my bf. We were both going through the same issues of "non-communication" with our SO's. We met through work and bonded over the similarities. About 1 month after we both broke up with our So's (he did so a week before I did) we did the deed.

Bm, has always considered me the OW.

I was wondering if you guys would too?

by on Aug. 30, 2014 at 1:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 1:56 AM
1 mom liked this

I would.  But what I think and what you think really doesn't matter.  It really is only what BM thinks.  Respect that and she might just be able to let it go.

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 1:59 AM
1 mom liked this
No, a nd it doesn't matter what bm thinks anyway.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 2:02 AM
5 moms liked this
This.

I don't think cheating is just sex. If you were the catalyst for the break-up or what pushed him over the edge to break up, then yea, you're the OW.

Neither of you respected your SOs enough to end things before you started hanging out.

Quoting pdxmum:

I would.  But what I think and what you think really doesn't matter.  It really is only what BM thinks.  Respect that and she might just be able to let it go.

FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 2:03 AM
Yes. No matter what he was having an emotional affair with you while he still had a relationship with her.
DDDaysh
by on Aug. 30, 2014 at 2:13 AM
1 mom liked this
I think if there are kids involved and they aren't married, there's a one year MINIMUM after they totally were unattached (no living together, no sleeping together, no on again off again romance) before beginning a new relationship if you want to be safe.

If there was any amount of transitioning between her and you, you're absolutely the other woman, sex or no. Even if he was "planning to leave", if wanting to be with you is why he does leave... then calling it by any other name is just trying to sugar coat the issue.

And, whatever the morality of being the OW from a pure relationship viewpoint, if there are kids involved you have to know and accept that you're setting yourself up for a ton of drama.
sophiesister2
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 2:17 AM
If i were her i would consider you the OW.
DDDaysh
by on Aug. 30, 2014 at 2:24 AM
1 mom liked this
By the way... I personally came damn close to being the OW recently, and that was even after starting out by telling the guy there was not a romantic relationship between us, and that I would not even contemplate the issue until long after he resolved his martial issues. (Well, once I found out he was married anyway.) In fact, I fully pursued other men in the meantime and made sure he knew I was doing so. Yet, despite that, I had to own up to the fact that I allowed him to have an emotional affair with me and that it deeply hurt his wife.

I had reasons for why I let it happen, some good, some not so good. But the truth is, the woman would have been well within her rights to hate me if she wanted to, and I never so much as kissed the guy. Luckily, she doesn't, but... it wouldn't have been my place to tell her she was wrong because she is the one who truly knows whether he violated their relationship or not. It isn't always about sex.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 3:58 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't know. Since they weren't married - I guess that is different for some but maybe not for others.

Since they had a baby, I think it was distasteful. You both had to know that he would be connected to the mother of his child for a long time and that 'doing it' could cause issues especially if she was unaware that the relationship was officially over. I could see why she would have hard feelings if she did. I could also understand being sympathetic to those feelings and just staying off her radar. Understanding that she may be hurt by that, even if their relationship sucked. They had one. And a child. You're a constant reminder of that time in her life where she was hurt by someone, her child's father who she may have loved or not (I don't think that part matters either)

(I'm not saying that this is how she feels - I'm just saying I could understand if I were in your shoes how she may feel about me)
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AllieKat
by Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 4:02 AM
2 moms liked this
Yes and you both cheated. You call it hanging out I call it being shady.
AllieKat
by Member on Aug. 30, 2014 at 4:04 AM
1 mom liked this
Oh and it's not an insult or anything, I've been shady before too.
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