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I'm a little bit annoyed

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2014 at 8:44 PM
  • 8 Replies
It's DH's birthday today. It is not his weekend with SS but since it's a holiday weekend, he and BM decided that DH could take SS tonight. We had planned on going to a barbecue originally but we decided not to because SS would have been the only kid.

Anyway. Apparently SS was watching scary videos all night last night at a friend's house and ended up getting picked up by BM at midnight. He told us this while eating dinner. So we told him no watching scary videos on his tablet anymore.

Well he didn't listen. He asked DH to take him back to BM's and said he heard thunder and it scared him. It is clear skies. DH told him he needed to sit in the living room and get off his tablet. We watched a movie and SS got up and said he was ready to leave. DH asked why and SS said he heard it was supposed to storm so he would rather not drive around in the rain. Where is he getting this information? I don't know. DH told him it was going to storm late tomorrow, and they would be fine. SS then proceeded to mope and whine.

DH decided to just take him to BM's. I'm annoyed because we changed plans so that DH could spend time with SS on his birthday, and he just up and caved to SS. While I get that kids want to be here or there for certain reasons, it's ridiculous that he is driving him back after four hours.

I guess the good news is I get DH to myself tonight. I just feel bad that DH wanted SS here and because he hates being the bad guy, he just brought him back.

I really hope that this weird stage is over soon. I would feel better if he was old enough to actually understand things. Especially how his dad feels. It's not like DH can say "How would you feel if I told you I want to take you home because I don't feel like having you here?"

Sometimes I wish it was more acceptable for kids to be held accountable for how they make other people feel- and not just when they hurt other kids, but their parents.
by on Aug. 31, 2014 at 8:44 PM
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Replies (1-8):
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Aug. 31, 2014 at 8:51 PM
5 moms liked this

It actually IS acceptable to hold kids accountable, HOWEVER, to do so, your DH would have to be the 'bad guy' on occasion.  :)  Until he's willing/able to do so, SS will do as he pleases because this is the way DH is teaching his DS how to treat him.  :(  (BF in my situation suffers from this as well.  Drives me batty but, it's not my hill to die on.  If it truly drove him batty he'd make a change.  I do not normally let my boys do that to me and they know why too). 

(ETA, hit reply too soon)  Sorry you didn't get to go to the BBQ.  Maybe DH secretly wanted the night alone with you anyway... ;)  Happy Birthday to DH!  I hope you both enjoy it!  ;)

CFSTBSM27
by on Aug. 31, 2014 at 8:51 PM
Well it was your husbands choice to take him back so although you may not like it, it was his choice to do so. I don't know how old SS is but kids in general aren't all that concerned about anyone's "feelings" but their own. SD is 10 and she bails on our weekends all the time for activities with friends or most recently with SFs parents. She wants to be with her siblings and have fun with her "grandparents" not hang around dad. Nothing you can really do to force then to care about the time they miss with their BP. I know it bothers DH a little but he says he doesn't want to take away what she wants to do. Meh what can ya do.
I get it tho sometimes I'm like um doesn't she need to be spending time with you, you don't get to see her all the time etc etc but it's a brick wall. Just let it go friend. Have some drinks celebrate and enjoy your night with DH :)
CFSTBSM27
by on Aug. 31, 2014 at 8:59 PM
I completely understand this as well! We really can't make them be the "bad guy" ( even tho the longer they allow BKs to call the shots the worse it will get with IMO) I'm learning to just let it go and remember it's not concern.
I'll say something but I can't force it and it's not worth the argument it can cause. It happened two weekends in a row and I said something really brash to DH so yea it's certainly not a hill to die on

Quoting jules2boys:

It actually IS acceptable to hold kids accountable, HOWEVER, to do so, your DH would have to be the 'bad guy' on occasion.  :)  Until he's willing/able to do so, SS will do as he pleases because this is the way DH is teaching his DS how to treat him.  :(  (BF in my situation suffers from this as well.  Drives me batty but, it's not my hill to die on.  If it truly drove him batty he'd make a change.  I do not normally let my boys do that to me and they know why too). 

(ETA, hit reply too soon)  Sorry you didn't get to go to the BBQ.  Maybe DH secretly wanted the night alone with you anyway... ;)  Happy Birthday to DH!  I hope you both enjoy it!  ;)

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Aug. 31, 2014 at 9:35 PM
I agree. I used to say something to BF because he'd allow it from our boys but I eventually gave that one up too.

Quoting CFSTBSM27: I completely understand this as well! We really can't make them be the "bad guy" ( even tho the longer they allow BKs to call the shots the worse it will get with IMO) I'm learning to just let it go and remember it's not concern.
I'll say something but I can't force it and it's not worth the argument it can cause. It happened two weekends in a row and I said something really brash to DH so yea it's certainly not a hill to die on

Quoting jules2boys:

It actually IS acceptable to hold kids accountable, HOWEVER, to do so, your DH would have to be the 'bad guy' on occasion.  :)  Until he's willing/able to do so, SS will do as he pleases because this is the way DH is teaching his DS how to treat him.  :(  (BF in my situation suffers from this as well.  Drives me batty but, it's not my hill to die on.  If it truly drove him batty he'd make a change.  I do not normally let my boys do that to me and they know why too). 

(ETA, hit reply too soon)  Sorry you didn't get to go to the BBQ.  Maybe DH secretly wanted the night alone with you anyway... ;)  Happy Birthday to DH!  I hope you both enjoy it!  ;)

ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Sep. 1, 2014 at 9:52 AM
1 mom liked this
SS10 usually isn't like this. The last couple months he's just been a handful of emotional unstableness and I know it's his age. DH isn't going to make a battle of this because it's been a stressful month for them. I just hope he doesn't let it become habit again.

Quoting jules2boys:

It actually IS acceptable to hold kids accountable, HOWEVER, to do so, your DH would have to be the 'bad guy' on occasion.  :)  Until he's willing/able to do so, SS will do as he pleases because this is the way DH is teaching his DS how to treat him.  :(  (BF in my situation suffers from this as well.  Drives me batty but, it's not my hill to die on.  If it truly drove him batty he'd make a change.  I do not normally let my boys do that to me and they know why too). 

(ETA, hit reply too soon)  Sorry you didn't get to go to the BBQ.  Maybe DH secretly wanted the night alone with you anyway... ;)  Happy Birthday to DH!  I hope you both enjoy it!  ;)

tiafez
by Silver Member on Sep. 1, 2014 at 10:03 AM

sometimes Dad has to take the heat from the kiddo and say "no, I won't bring you home but we can check the windows before bed and here's a flashlight to keep by your bed in case you get scared." 

In my home we had to do that as SS was once afraid of wind, rain, storms ,etc. and would actually get himself worked up into a major hissy over it. It finally got to a point where it was said to him "I'm sorry you feel that way but we need to take everyone into consideration, not just you. Usually things will go a way that makes you happy but thisisn't one of those times". There was whining, pouting, and moping but it had to be done. 


Unfortunately it has to come from Dad.

ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Sep. 1, 2014 at 10:10 AM
SS will message DH at 9pm from that Kick app and say he misses DH and wants to come over. Honestly I think last night was about manipulation because we have bedtime at our house, even on weekend. We let him stay up until 9-9:30 but since he is that kid that gets up at 6am no matter what, that's how we do it. We don't like whiny tired kids and this is why he has a bedtime. BM doesn't have a bedtime and she admits that she will let him stay up as late as he wants on non school nights. So, last night, he asked if we could go to the drive in movie theater and we said no because we didn't want to be up until 2am (it's half an hour away and they play two movies, so we wouldn't get home until after 2am). He asked if h he could stay up late. DH said he could stay up a little late but not all night because we wanted to get up and get stuff done. An hour later he says he wants to go back to his mom's.

I know DH had been a lot better about not letting SS control the situation. But, because of all the weird stuff going on (SS is in counseling and was removed from his daycare), I'm afraid he's going to let SS have whatever instead of being a parent and keeping things normal. I know parents will avoid stressors if there is something emotional going on with their kid. I just hope he doesn't consider staying the night here a stressor for SS10 because really, we are the least stressful people to be around.

Quoting CFSTBSM27: Well it was your husbands choice to take him back so although you may not like it, it was his choice to do so. I don't know how old SS is but kids in general aren't all that concerned about anyone's "feelings" but their own. SD is 10 and she bails on our weekends all the time for activities with friends or most recently with SFs parents. She wants to be with her siblings and have fun with her "grandparents" not hang around dad. Nothing you can really do to force then to care about the time they miss with their BP. I know it bothers DH a little but he says he doesn't want to take away what she wants to do. Meh what can ya do.
I get it tho sometimes I'm like um doesn't she need to be spending time with you, you don't get to see her all the time etc etc but it's a brick wall. Just let it go friend. Have some drinks celebrate and enjoy your night with DH :)
XXanonymousXX
by Bronze Member on Sep. 1, 2014 at 10:11 AM
1 mom liked this
I've been here before. I told DH how I felt about having to change my plans for nothing. But it didn't bother him so nothing changed. Which I can understand. So now, if I have plans or want to go to a BBQ I go. DH and SD are welcome to come with me if they want, but I don't change my plans on the whim of others anymore.
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