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Why b****** and unicorns need to exist.

Posted by on Sep. 23, 2014 at 3:13 PM
  • 53 Replies
9 moms liked this


I have a theory about the nature of this forum and why it can be so successful.

New poster arrives knee deep in steplife conflict.  Stressed, overwhelmed, insulated in her own chaos, at the end of her rope.  Can't figure her way out of things.

Members here have basically heard it all.  Because really, how unique are any of us really?  Same shit, different day.

Some of here are nice and sweet and we fart rainbows and offer tea and crumpets.  Some of us are kind of bitchy and direct.  Some of us take the time to answer every poster as if they are unique in the world and offer kind support.  Some of us cut to the chase and call it like it probably is in not very diplomatic ways.

New poster gets angry.  Defensive.  Lashes out at the meanies.  Associates the meanies with the BM in her life.  Chalks up the negativity to some bitter BM who snuck into a SM support group with an agenda to destroy SMs. 

Sometimes she leaves.  The reality though, is the seed was planted.  And it is that seed of doubt that BM created the conflict and SM is the victim just might not be true.

And posters that stay not only have that seed planted, they have it nurtured.  And fertilized until a new perspective is born.

It is amazing to watch.  It was amazing to go through.

And it takes every kind of response to get people to that point of a new perspective.  For me it took some bad ass conflict to engage me in a dialog I needed to engage in.  For others they need the sweet, supportive responses.  But everyone needs all kinds of responses.  I think if all I got was bitchiness, I would not have stayed.  But I read enough kind, loving support to realize that hey, maybe I just don't get the bitchiness yet.  Maybe I am being the clueless bitch.  Maybe I wanted to stick around and figure out the secret so many women seemed to already know about.

I mean, look at the post from the chick in Seattle whose DH hasn't seen his daughter in 4 years.  She is finally opening up to some advice.  The same advice she heard right from the start.  But she needed to get angry and defensive and then let it all sink in so she could let go of being right and embrace a middle ground.

Because really, we are all part of the problem in our steplives.  None of us are only victims of bratty skids and bitter BMs.  How sad would that be.


by on Sep. 23, 2014 at 3:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tiafez
by Platinum Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 3:22 PM
1 mom liked this

you rock. well said. 

bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 3:25 PM
3 moms liked this

raising/dealing with children envokes emotion whether you are BM or SM.  sometimes a thought or a feeling is not easily written down and posted on an online forum.  sometimes you mean one thing...and another person takes it to mean something different.  but you have to admit...sometimes it gets a little bit ugly in here!

soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 3:27 PM
1 mom liked this

If there weren't "bitches" in this group it would be just like that other forum you know the one sounds like ifuckinghatemystepkidsletstalkaboutit.org. Where I'm pretty sure a stepmother could KILL their sc and it would somehow be all the SK and mom's fault they are just so aweful poor wittle SM having to resort to such measures and she just needs a hug and rainbows from other like minded SM's.

cdrainey3
by on Sep. 23, 2014 at 3:28 PM
1 mom liked this
I definitely agree with this. Some people have very rude approaches. There are a couple people that I just won't talk with on here because of things they said when I first started. They were flat out rude and didn't need to be. I take the good and leave the bad. There were a few on here that told me stuff I didn't want to hear, but when I realized they were right I admitted it and really respect them now. We all need different perspectives in life. That's how we grow and learn and do better. No matter where you go in life, you will always need to take the good and leave the bad.
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 3:30 PM

Of course it does!  And what better place to get ugly than on an online anonymous voluntary forum.  Nobody is required to be here.  Nobody will get tested and need to pass to graduate.

And yes, we are often misunderstood.  But sometimes those misunderstanding lead to the most fascinating places.  It is a rare new poster that will get advice they need the first time they post.  But somebody else might have gotten help from that post.

This should be the easiest place in the world to share uncomfortable or difficult situations.  You can always just delete and leave and nobody is the wiser.

It you need easy, pay a therapist.

Quoting bertaboo1:

raising/dealing with children envokes emotion whether you are BM or SM.  sometimes a thought or a feeling is not easily written down and posted on an online forum.  sometimes you mean one thing...and another person takes it to mean something different.  but you have to admit...sometimes it gets a little bit ugly in here!


oranguglad
by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 3:31 PM
5 moms liked this

Whatever. I have been on lots of forums where there weren't as many bitches and people gave differing views in respectful ways and people got just as much out of it.

I often get the feeling there are people on here just looking for a fight.

Some people can handle that kind of environment, some can't. But that doesn't justify people being rude.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 3:33 PM

Please take this with all the online and anonymous love I can muster, but you were just as bitchy and rude.

But you stuck around.  You learned to see things differently.  And now you are the one giving good advice.  You have become a respected member of this forum.

Let go of any resentment towards posters you clashed with initially.  Not worth it.  Everyone has wisdom.

Quoting cdrainey3: I definitely agree with this. Some people have very rude approaches. There are a couple people that I just won't talk with on here because of things they said when I first started. They were flat out rude and didn't need to be. I take the good and leave the bad. There were a few on here that told me stuff I didn't want to hear, but when I realized they were right I admitted it and really respect them now. We all need different perspectives in life. That's how we grow and learn and do better. No matter where you go in life, you will always need to take the good and leave the bad.


pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 3:35 PM
1 mom liked this

In all seriousness them why are you still here?

This forum is what it is.  It has tons of traffic and it is that traffic that keeps things interesting.

Why are you here if you know of better forums.  because you do post quite a bit...  You must get something out of it.

Quoting oranguglad:

Whatever. I have been on lots of forums where there weren't as many bitches and people gave differing views in respectful ways and people got just as much out of it.

I often get the feeling there are people on here just looking for a fight.

Some people can handle that kind of environment, some can't. But that doesn't justify people being rude.


pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 3:36 PM
1 mom liked this

Seriously?  My title was redacted so it didn't read bitches?

That was not me ladies.

bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2014 at 3:44 PM
2 moms liked this

 lol...well now you know you cant delete a post love...there will be a poof post with 150 replies on it calling you out on why you deleted ...

debates i get...some get into a debate an it is exciting honestly.  the outright nastiness is uncalled for though.  i understand everyone has their moment when all they can do is be a bitch...but...wtf about stalking and posting real names...dude ...that is crazy...name calling...telling another member she was glad she got her femal organs ripped out so she couldnt procreate...wow that is so stepping over the line...

hell sometimes i just scan over the page to see who posted.  parrot and packer are probably my favorite.  some would vote that they are the biggest bishes around...and while they may very well be...i see where they are coming from...i see thier bias...and you know what...that is ok...that is what makes the debate good.  I dont believe they are mean spirited at all...just passionate about what they believe..

Quoting pdxmum:

Of course it does!  And what better place to get ugly than on an online anonymous voluntary forum.  Nobody is required to be here.  Nobody will get tested and need to pass to graduate.

And yes, we are often misunderstood.  But sometimes those misunderstanding lead to the most fascinating places.  It is a rare new poster that will get advice they need the first time they post.  But somebody else might have gotten help from that post.

This should be the easiest place in the world to share uncomfortable or difficult situations.  You can always just delete and leave and nobody is the wiser.

It you need easy, pay a therapist.

Quoting bertaboo1:

raising/dealing with children envokes emotion whether you are BM or SM.  sometimes a thought or a feeling is not easily written down and posted on an online forum.  sometimes you mean one thing...and another person takes it to mean something different.  but you have to admit...sometimes it gets a little bit ugly in here!

 

 

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