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i think i figured it out!!!

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:04 PM
  • 11 Replies
5 moms liked this

My 8 year old step daughter has been the biggest brat in the world the past 2 months. She has always been so sweet to me and then all the sudden she decides shes going to have an attitude, talk about and argue with everything, along with crying and screaming. Its been helll. Over the weekend, i told her to go sit in her room and not to come out until it was clean, she argued that it wasnt all her mess and i told her i dont care your being bad and this is your punishment. then i told her you know its not fair to me, i bust my butt and work then i come home and no one does anything, i have to do it all, cook , clean ect ect and i told her all i ask for is respect back. She said " I come over here and im rude to you because thats my plan" and i asked her why and FINALLY THE TRUTH CAME OUT "because you love your kids more then me".. what a relief to finally figure it out. well duh yes i do love my kids more, because they are my own so here is what i told her " its not that i love them more, though they are my kids that i carried for 9 months, they are my blood and they are mine BUT i love them in a different way, like you love me and  your mom but you love your mom differently then me" and she looked at me and smiled and has been good ever since.

 

YAAAAA

by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TheQueen-1
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:12 PM
I may love my child in a different way than my step daughter, but she will never know that becasue I would nevet treat them different.
wise.toes
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:28 PM

just a suggestion.

when a child tells you something, no matter how ridiculous it is; don't tell them "i don't care" ..why? because do you actually not care? that's like a slap in the face. tell her you heard what she has said instead.

Ol--Akasha--lO
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 2:37 PM
2 moms liked this
One time I do say "I don't care" is when my SS says he hates me. He says it to get out of things, such as chores, time out, etc. It works on his mom so he tried it on me a few times. He stopped when he figured out it wasn't working with me. I also added "hate me all you want kid, doesn't change the situation as it stands. You still have to clean your room/go into time out"

OP: Telling a kid they are bad is a no no. Their behavior is unacceptable, not them as a person.

Quoting wise.toes:

just a suggestion.

when a child tells you something, no matter how ridiculous it is; don't tell them "i don't care" ..why? because do you actually not care? that's like a slap in the face. tell her you heard what she has said instead.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 3:03 PM
1 mom liked this
She was testing you to see how far she could push you before you end the relationship. She wanted to know if it was for keeps or not. This is very common.
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tiafez
by Platinum Member on Nov. 6, 2014 at 8:33 AM

kids test you, make sure you don't fail. she told you she felt left out, you told her she was right. poor kiddo. where was Dad in all this?

codysara
by Platinum Member on Nov. 6, 2014 at 8:54 AM
1 mom liked this
I did not get that out of this post at all. Where did you get that she told her she was validated in being left out?
What I understood was that the child was acting out because of misguided feelings. Thru a fit, the truth came out and at the point the sm was able to work out the real problem with a very good explanation.

Quoting tiafez:

kids test you, make sure you don't fail. she told you she felt left out, you told her she was right. poor kiddo. where was Dad in all this?

tiafez
by Platinum Member on Nov. 6, 2014 at 9:10 AM

I based my comment on the "I don't care" told to the child, but I'm willing to remove only a portion of my opinion. I still wonder how Dad has been handling his child being a brat. 

Quoting codysara: I did not get that out of this post at all. Where did you get that she told her she was validated in being left out? What I understood was that the child was acting out because of misguided feelings. Thru a fit, the truth came out and at the point the sm was able to work out the real problem with a very good explanation.
Quoting tiafez:

kids test you, make sure you don't fail. she told you she felt left out, you told her she was right. poor kiddo. where was Dad in all this?


WWNSDD?

codysara
by Platinum Member on Nov. 6, 2014 at 9:13 AM
I wonder what dad does aswell.
But the "I dont care" was a response to who made all the the mess, not the child's feelings.
I tell my bk that all the time when it comes to chores.


Quoting tiafez:

I based my comment on the "I don't care" told to the child, but I'm willing to remove only a portion of my opinion. I still wonder how Dad has been handling his child being a brat. 

Quoting codysara: I did not get that out of this post at all. Where did you get that she told her she was validated in being left out?
What I understood was that the child was acting out because of misguided feelings. Thru a fit, the truth came out and at the point the sm was able to work out the real problem with a very good explanation.

Quoting tiafez:

kids test you, make sure you don't fail. she told you she felt left out, you told her she was right. poor kiddo. where was Dad in all this?

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Nov. 6, 2014 at 9:20 AM
I'm glad it ended well and I have been in that same place with SS15. It was almost like a weight was lifted when he grokked that he loved his mom and dad more than me and that I loved my DDs more than him and it was OK and good and right. That I still loved him very much but yes, in subtle and not so subtle ways I treat DDs differently.

What I suggest you consider switching up is the whole laying on of guilt about how much you do and how hard you work. I never find that parenting technique to work.

Quoting DLinnMare:

My 8 year old step daughter has been the biggest brat in the world the past 2 months. She has always been so sweet to me and then all the sudden she decides shes going to have an attitude, talk about and argue with everything, along with crying and screaming. Its been helll. Over the weekend, i told her to go sit in her room and not to come out until it was clean, she argued that it wasnt all her mess and i told her i dont care your being bad and this is your punishment. then i told her you know its not fair to me, i bust my butt and work then i come home and no one does anything, i have to do it all, cook , clean ect ect and i told her all i ask for is respect back. She said " I come over here and im rude to you because thats my plan" and i asked her why and FINALLY THE TRUTH CAME OUT "because you love your kids more then me".. what a relief to finally figure it out. well duh yes i do love my kids more, because they are my own so here is what i told her " its not that i love them more, though they are my kids that i carried for 9 months, they are my blood and they are mine BUT i love them in a different way, like you love me and  your mom but you love your mom differently then me" and she looked at me and smiled and has been good ever since.


 


YAAAAA

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Nov. 6, 2014 at 9:24 AM
1 mom liked this
But it is normal to treat them differently. I gave been a part of DDs lives for 18 and 20 years, 6 plus years with skids. Of course I am different with DDs.

I think you are naive to think there aren't differences. And kids notice and by talking about the elephant in the middle of the room, it helps.

Quoting TheQueen-1: I may love my child in a different way than my step daughter, but she will never know that becasue I would nevet treat them different.
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