Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moving out of state/removal

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:59 PM
  • 44 Replies

Does anyone have any actual experience with being the custodial parent and moving out of state for work? What do judges usually look for to allow that to happen? Were any of you able to reason with the other parent or did it go straight to court?

--Mara
SAHM and home school teacher. Blended family strong.

by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:59 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
theshanster17
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 2:26 PM
1 mom liked this

BM claimed a couple of years ago that her Americorps job was transferring her to Las Vegas (actually, she had a few different stories--she was being transferred and she was offered a job transfer) and her husband was transferring his lifeguard job at the Disney resort to another hotel in Las Vegas. The judge understood that SS was regularly visiting his Dad in his location (even though we are considered LD) so SS' "social capital" was both in BM's location and DH's. BM couldn't provide a plan to keep SS connected to DH and his family here so the judge ruled that SS will remain in-state and DH will get physical custody if BM decides to go ahead with the move. She opted not to move out of state.

MaraJade27
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 3:01 PM

I'm obviously considering this myself, but I have a plan for TD to see our son. I also have better job opportunities out there and within a few years my parents are most likely moving as well. I have friends and family out there for support too. I'm excited to go, but TD is very controlling and is upset I was already talking about it "like it was definitely happening" and so he rescinded his original yes and now I'm not sure if I'll have to fight him or not.

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 3:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I've NOT been in your position before (with myself or BF moving) but, I wonder if it'd be worthwhile to contact an attorney or two, for a free consult, to ask if in your area if there is a precedence set already for this sort of situation, and how usual rulings happen?  Just to get a 'feel' for what you could/couldn't be up against I mean.  Obviously it wouldn't be a 'guarantee' of anything in your situation/case, but if it's 'almost never granted', then you'd have an idea, or if it's 'almost always granted when BM asks' or something, you'd have an idea too. 

Just a thought.  (unless you want to ask your own lawyer for their thoughts, or what information and facts have been used in local, successful situations in the past). 

I WANT to move away, I've wanted to for a long time, but, I'm not prepared to lose my boys and I'm not prepared to fight BF in court over it either, so here I am still... and I'll simply move in 6 years or so, when YDS heads off to college.  :) 

OvrMyHead
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 3:28 PM

BM moved away a year after DH and her separated and she had to relinquish custody of her kids.  Reason was because DH was supporting the kids financially (and paying BM alimony at the time too).  Since DH was not able to relocate because of his job, and his job was the financial support for the kids, he was able to keep the kids here. 

theshanster17
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 3:34 PM


Quoting MaraJade27:

I'm obviously considering this myself, but I have a plan for TD to see our son. I also have better job opportunities out there and within a few years my parents are most likely moving as well. I have friends and family out there for support too. I'm excited to go, but TD is very controlling and is upset I was already talking about it "like it was definitely happening" and so he rescinded his original yes and now I'm not sure if I'll have to fight him or not.

I think if you can show why it definitely benefits DS and how you intend on keeping DS connected to Dad, you should be fine. Emphasize that you want DS to continue his relationship with his Dad and how you are willing to compromise on visits/communications/etc.

malinda74
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 4:34 PM
I think state laws may vary on this and you could lose primary custody. Consult a lawyer first. My state has restrictions on how far I can move my kids without Biofathers consent. My lawyer told me I was free to move wherever I wanted, but my kids could not.
whatIknownow
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 4:38 PM
1 mom liked this

If I were an  NCP, I would not let the CP move out of state with my kids. They could move out of state of course, but they would have to transfer custody to me.

An NCP is at a huge disadvantage when they become long distance.  Extra time in the summer does not make up for it. A local NCP can still be involved in their child's life on an almost-daily basis, and can be fully involved in school and EC's. When the child gets older and their social life and/or part-time job takes control of their time, a local NCP can accommodate this. An LD NCP cannot, and generally the visits become fewer and fewer.

On the other hand, if the NCP in question is not very involved anyway (does not get involved with school or EC's), the case might be made that he is not losing out on anything due to the move.

macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 4:42 PM
if Dad is an active father, you should consider sticking around.

Quoting MaraJade27:

I'm obviously considering this myself, but I have a plan for TD to see our son. I also have better job opportunities out there and within a few years my parents are most likely moving as well. I have friends and family out there for support too. I'm excited to go, but TD is very controlling and is upset I was already talking about it "like it was definitely happening" and so he rescinded his original yes and now I'm not sure if I'll have to fight him or not.

MaraJade27
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 4:54 PM

He's somewhere in between. We live two hours apart so he's not going to come out for sporting events or school things. He's never met DS's teachers or doctors, etc. And he balks at driving even an hour to meet me halfway.

He takes him EOWE but doesn't really want more time. 

macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 5:00 PM
if you move away, will you be giving him longer summer visitation and holidays?

Quoting MaraJade27:

He's somewhere in between. We live two hours apart so he's not going to come out for sporting events or school things. He's never met DS's teachers or doctors, etc. And he balks at driving even an hour to meet me halfway.

He takes him EOWE but doesn't really want more time. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)