Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I wonder what happens now UPDATED at the bottom

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 9:56 AM
  • 29 Replies
For those who don't know DH is cp and does eow w/BM.

The last week BM had the kids should s12 got sent home early for having a bad attitude. BM told DH that SS is no longer welcome at her house and he will see what it's like not to have a mother.

Last Saturday, Nana (BMs mom) asked DH if ss12 could have a sleep over at her house. Which was fine. Sunday BM was celebrating her and SF's son's b-day at Chuck E Cheese. I assumed that BM would want to make up w/ss12 and p/him up from her moms Sunday to take him to the party. Well you know what they say about assuming....

About 5pm Sunday nana brought ss12 home. He did not get to go to the b-day party and was pretty upset about it :-( SS told me that he tried to call his mom from his cell to tell his 1/2 bro happy b-day. He said she ignored the call from his phone but picked up when he called from Nana's. She let him talk to his brother but he was not welcome to come to the party.

Both SS's are supposed to go back to bm's tomorrow for a week and I asked DH if he planned to talk to her to see if she wants both kids or just ss16.

Keep in mind this happens pretty often w/BM. She gets mad, sends one of the kids home, and gets diareah of the mouth.

DH says he doesn't feel he should have to ask her if she wants yss. He's not a mind reader but if she tells him she's changed her mind and wants YSS to come over he'll allow it but it's bm's responsibility to let him know.

I just feel so bad for ss12. I know it hurts him and I hate it. Any of you cp's dealt w/this before? How did you handle it?

UPDATE: So, yesterday ss16 was the only one who went to bms originally but apparently she thought that DH and ss12 would of forgotten all about her saying she did not want him there. So she called to talk to ss12 and asked him why he did not come over. He told her he only wanted to see her on the weekends. Then she put his younger 1/2 brother on the phone and he told ss he missed him and wished he would come over. So ss decided to go over there to see his little brother.

It wouldn't bother me except I feel like BM guilted ss into coming over by putting his brother on the phone. Oh well, what can you do. I told DH next time this happens I hope he puts his foot down and tells BM it's unacceptable to do this.
by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 9:56 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
kfonseca
by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 10:03 AM
2 moms liked this
Wtf kinda of mother treats her child like that? She's obviously teaching her kids that her love is conditional. I feel so sorry for those boys. I'm not a sm so I can't offer you any advice but I hope you will do your best to make those boys feel loved and valued despite what their mother does. Good luck
XXanonymousXX
by Gold Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 10:24 AM
I think DH is right. DH asking her kind of, atleast to me, signifies some kind of approval or acceptance of her behavior. I'd let her advise him if she changes her mind.

But I think DH should think about not allowing her to have one kid without the other. It's got to be hard for one to see the other go there while he is being ostracized. It's not good for him, but I'm sure preventing visitation would put DH in violation of the CO.
Leigh84
by Gold Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 10:30 AM
The thing is the co makes no mention of visitation. That's something they've always worked out between the 2 of them however; If DH told her she can't have one w/o the other she could still go to court and say he's keeping oss from her and that could turn into a sticky situation b/c it would be her word against his.

Quoting XXanonymousXX: I think DH is right. DH asking her kind of, atleast to me, signifies some kind of approval or acceptance of her behavior. I'd let her advise him if she changes her mind.

But I think DH should think about not allowing her to have one kid without the other. It's got to be hard for one to see the other go there while he is being ostracized. It's not good for him, but I'm sure preventing visitation would put DH in violation of the CO.
cdrainey3
by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 10:36 AM
Pretty soon he's not going to want to go back and if it was me, I wouldn't make him. Does he act out with dad?
Leigh84
by Gold Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 10:41 AM
No, he doesn't act out here. He's a typical 12 year old. He says he wants to stay w/us next week and we're happy to have him however; I know if him and his mom were to make up he would love to go over there and see his other siblings too. DH isn't not going to make him do anything but If BM wants to talk things out w/him he will definitely encourage that.

Quoting cdrainey3: Pretty soon he's not going to want to go back and if it was me, I wouldn't make him. Does he act out with dad?
1likeme
by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 12:38 PM
What his mother is doing equals emotional abuse. It is a very big deal and her behavior will affect SS for many years. Part of me says just be there for SS and give your husband the room to figure it out. But the part of me that knows I could not keep quiet about that is the part that I would listen to. I would talk with my husband at length about her behavior and I would push the issue of him going back to court with enough evidence to change custody. Your husband doing nothing is sending the message that bio moms behavior is normal and acceptable. Even though it might not work out perfectly your SS does need someone to stand up for him and declare that this is wrong and that his mother should not treat him that way ever. That is not acceptable and children fare much better if someone advocates for them after they have been treated this way.
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 12:46 PM
Wow wtf. BM constantly complains about ss13 but has not kicked him out - yet.
aeELE
by Silver Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this
I can only imagine, but I feel like I would have a very hard time with this. If DH didn't effectively address it, I would be very disappointed.

I think I would suggest to DH that he handle it in writing- send a text or email informing her that he didn't think treating SS that way was appropriate (probably without the term emotional abuse as that's inflammatory...). Having the situation in writing would prevent BM from turning the situation around or into he-said-she-said.

Poor SS. That's so sad.
Leigh84
by Gold Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 12:54 PM
Usually she's sending ss16 home. This was different for ss12 to get sent home.

Quoting faerie75: Wow wtf. BM constantly complains about ss13 but has not kicked him out - yet.
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 1:02 PM
That's so sad
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)