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100% Vent

Posted by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:22 AM
  • 21 Replies

So last year, BM had told SS that she would rather he skip visitations in order to attend his sport activities during her weekends, than drive the 1.5hour to take him for any of his activities. This was 100% her choice, DH had nothing to do with it. However, when DH found out about it. He told BM that he was not giving up his weekends to make up for BM's choice to give up hers instead of putting out any effort for SS. So here we are again a year later with the same set up. SS called BM last week and told her he had two games on her next two weekends. She got upset with SS because he is choosing to go to his games over seeing her. Which unfortunately is true. SS rarely ever actually wants to go for her visits. SS has not told BM this though. At the end of the call, BM says "why are you even talking to me" to which SS replied "because I wanted you to know what was going on". BM then says "well now I know, call me when you feel like seeing me and your sister again"! She was not nice about it.

Prior to calling BM, we explained to SS how much time he would be missing. He did not care. A few days after the phone call, we told SS that he was going to have to miss one of his games, because it's our job to make sure he isn't missing time with BM. When all was said and done, he was annoyed with us that we were making him miss a game, because he didn't want to. But said he understood because he knew BM would be super mad when he saw her next time and would make him feel like crap. DH texted BM and told her that SS would be back for the next visit. NO response from BM.

Fast forward a week. BM texts DH asking when SS's xmas concert is. Number one, I can't count how many times BM has demanded that DH not send her any information pertaining to SS's school stuff because she is his parent and can get that info herself. So that's the first annoying part. DH then tells SS to call BM and tell her when the concert is. BM is being loud on the phone and bitching to SS about the CO. BM wanted SS to come visit her this weekend. SS told her twice, that he could not come because it's Thanksgiving holiday and it's DH's holiday. BM starts bitching on the phone last night saying "that's bullcrap. He is only supposed to get you for Thanksgiving DAY! Not the weekend too. He's not supposed to get you for the whole time. That is such bullcrap". This woman is a complete idiot. She consistently misquotes the CO. She will tell SS something about the CO that is 100% incorrect. The CO actually says "holiday to start at 7:00pm the day school gets out until 6:00pm the day before school starts". So obviously, it is supposed to be for the whole damn time he is out of school. I don't understand why it is so fucking hard for her to take the time to accurately read the damn CO. It makes me crazy.

Then after SS got off the phone, he said he thought she was acting really weird. SS has told us that he thinks BM is bipolar. His sister apparently mentioned it to him this summer. He then talked to his grandma (BM's mom) about it and his Grandma confirmed that she thinks BM is bipolar. SS's older sister's Dad, who was with BM for almost 14 years, also feels BM needs to be medicated. BM doesn't think there is anything wrong with her at all. DH wants to just say, I'm not sending him anymore, but there are a lot of other factors involved. We are constantly asking ourselves, why we keep sending him knowing the way she's been acting. She talks about spies watching her; how her husband is spying on her through the cable television, just weird paranoid shit.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
tiafez
by Platinum Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry SS has to go through this. is he seeing a therapist to help learn to cope with it all? someone neutral and just for him to talk to. 

GloBug62
by Bronze Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:51 AM

 SS has been seeing a therapist for 4 years. He wants to tell us stuff, which is good, but sometimes I have to tell him not to tell me something because I'm just going to get mad, or don't tell me because a week from now he will want to take it back, or he'll complain about BM and then give her a free pass to continue thinking he doesn't care about what she does. It's extremely frustrating. So we are back to being on a break from him talking to us about BM.

Quoting tiafez:

I'm sorry SS has to go through this. is he seeing a therapist to help learn to cope with it all? someone neutral and just for him to talk to. 

 

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

tiafez
by Platinum Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:05 PM

it's difficult :(  my son had to learn to be angry with his Dad, it was almost like he was afraid if he was mad at him, he'd see him less. What's less than "rarely"?

GloBug62
by Bronze Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:35 PM

 We've told SS that it's okay to be mad at anyone. His feelings are legit. However, thinking that BM will ever be different or change in anyway is just not realistic.

Quoting tiafez:

it's difficult :(  my son had to learn to be angry with his Dad, it was almost like he was afraid if he was mad at him, he'd see him less. What's less than "rarely"?

 

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:23 PM
2 moms liked this
Why is ss communicating scheduling info? That should be between mom and dad
GloBug62
by Bronze Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 2:11 PM

Generally it does. SS is 13yo and believe it or not, sometimes it's less stressful for everyone to have SS call BM and tell her what time he has an event. Why? because BM has flipped a switch several times in the past when DH has sent her school info. She freaks out and tells him she doesn't need him to send her information because she is super mom and capable of getting it herself. When in reality, she never actually gets any info herself.  

The actual scheduling of any extra visitation or confirming her missing visitations takes place via text between DH and BM. But this doesn't stop BM from trying to get SS to ask DH if he will change the schedule for her.

BM told SS that he could call her if he needed to miss a visitation for school activities. Then after SS talks to her, DH will confirm it via text. We are fully aware it's a jacked system but BM makes every thing difficult.

We have also told SS to tell BM to contact DH if she has issues with the CO, but SS will just listen to her rant and rave on the phone instead.

It's a lose/lose situation. BM bitches if DH sends her the info and ends up asking SS about it when he comes to visit anyways. SS calls to give her the information and she bitches that way as well. it's dumb

Quoting amantonacci: Why is ss communicating scheduling info? That should be between mom and dad

 

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

Boobear110
by Audra on Nov. 24, 2014 at 3:05 PM
1 mom liked this

 I think it's hard for them to really show the anger toward the crappy parent. It's not safe for them to do so , in their minds. My oldest went through a craptastic parent and while he vented at me he never told him his real feelings. I would call the man in full blown mamma bear , it never made on bit of difference. 

It makes me sad for your SS 

GloBug62
by Bronze Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:04 PM

 In this situation it's completely pointless for DH to say anything to BM. She is in her own world, where everyone else is in the wrong and she is just the innocent bystander. When DH has called her out on her bullshit, even when she is legitimately caught, she will lie until she is blue in the face. She can't admit wrong doing ever.

I personally am caught in the conflict of feeling bad for SS that this person is his mother and he has to deal with her and knowing that he needs to be told lying is not helping the situation.

Quoting Boobear110:

 I think it's hard for them to really show the anger toward the crappy parent. It's not safe for them to do so , in their minds. My oldest went through a craptastic parent and while he vented at me he never told him his real feelings. I would call the man in full blown mamma bear , it never made on bit of difference. 

It makes me sad for your SS 

 

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

Boobear110
by Audra on Nov. 24, 2014 at 7:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I get it . I really do. It's heartbreaking to watch a kid realize the person that's supoosed to love and protect is shit 

Quoting GloBug62:

 In this situation it's completely pointless for DH to say anything to BM. She is in her own world, where everyone else is in the wrong and she is just the innocent bystander. When DH has called her out on her bullshit, even when she is legitimately caught, she will lie until she is blue in the face. She can't admit wrong doing ever.

I personally am caught in the conflict of feeling bad for SS that this person is his mother and he has to deal with her and knowing that he needs to be told lying is not helping the situation.

Quoting Boobear110:

 I think it's hard for them to really show the anger toward the crappy parent. It's not safe for them to do so , in their minds. My oldest went through a craptastic parent and while he vented at me he never told him his real feelings. I would call the man in full blown mamma bear , it never made on bit of difference. 

It makes me sad for your SS 

 


dawnrothbaum
by Member on Nov. 25, 2014 at 6:09 PM

That doesn't sound anything like bipolar disorder. If you are serious, that she is talking about being spied on, sounds like schizophrenia or schizo affective disorder. She sounds like she is struggling, needs help and maybe medication. That isn't a reason to keep the kid from seeing her.

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