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Merry.. what now?! * long reply for more background since I don't want to be bashed

Posted by on Dec. 25, 2014 at 10:42 AM
  • 15 Replies
So DH and I had counseling and got on the same parenting plan. We thought we'd have a great Christmas when DSD gets down here. Yeah MIL and SIL can't let that happen. I haven't spoken or wanted anything to do with them since this summer. MIL tried to pull the " DSD should be here when DH is at work because there is nothing for her there." Nevermind she has two siblings also. Plus MIL finished with the gem " Some people just don't get along. I think SD doesn't like you. She just passes and re passes because she's a good and sweet girl. But she love SIL" Yeah actually said that to my face. I was talking about SIL and how she was a jerk. SIL even had people harassing me on social media. MIL still stands by her 'beliefs'. DH has told her that's not true. But she won't heAR it. That's a little BG for you ladies. Fast forward to this week. SIL managed to get my number from somebody after she was blocked. Asking me about coming over after we get DSD. I told her no. She asks the next day. I tell her I have guests so still no. SIL actually ask me why. So I ignore and just let DH handle it. He tells them we're meeting such and such to open the gifts they supposedly got. I get a phone call from FIL asking what is going on and we need to stop out grudges for Christmas and continue to hate each after today. Go over there and eat. I guess they're calling and annoying him. Hell no FIL they just bad mouthed me as of last week to DH trying to start a fight. Plus FIL isn't even going over there himself. So yeah got snitched on and DH has been hung up on. I updated on the shit storm to come when DSD gets here in a few hours. They have been texting her phone so I hope she doesn't have a bad attitude when I pick her up.
by on Dec. 25, 2014 at 10:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 10:58 AM
????

So you don't like MIL and SIL so SD doesn't get to spend part of the holiday with her family?
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 6:59 PM
1 mom liked this
Simple. Make dad pick her up. As don't e around MIL and SIL. If dad lets SD go around SIL and MIL that's on him, but if she comes back w an attitude HE needs to check his kid.

He sounds like a long distance NCP. He should make every effort to take his time off when his kid is there. This benefits YOU. Shit, I have enough w my own kids he needs to help w his.
AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 7:11 PM
Why can your in-laws not see SD? It sounds like they want to be involved in her life...
sorrynotsorry
by on Dec. 25, 2014 at 8:18 PM
Why isn't SD allowed to spend time with her family on holidays?

Seems like in laws have a good reason to dislike you.
USBrit
by Silver Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 8:34 PM

 I couldn't understand most of this post....I guess there must be more to the story that I don't know. I guess that you feel like this. Let her have her time with you without the in-laws if they make you uncomfortable. Then let DH take SD over to the other family that would like to see her. I hate all the drama of a blended family, but I wouldn't think of keeping children away from other family members.

Funnybunny02
by Member on Dec. 26, 2014 at 1:25 AM
Okay finally able to post. No my in laws have no reason to dislike me. MIL is up SIL butt and that is the only reason DH and myself have come to figure out why she is the way she is now. DH also says his mom may have mental problems because she is old but she is in her early 50's. My SIL have not gotten along in 10 years. She tried to take over parenting when SD was younger because they looked alike. Take over meaning she would tell people that SD was her kid. Even if they didn't ask. For the longest it was their " game" because it was cool. I didn't really have much background on SIL because I didn't have to be around her. I let DH deal with her weirdness about his kid. Like I said also we have been through counseling. He was a complete dumbass about a bunch of things about his folks. I had to endure the first 5 years of my marriage listening to " that's just how such and such is. Maybe you misunderstood what they said." No support and I had to get help for both of us because I was going to divorce. Anyway since DSD has gotten older she has spent almost half time with MIL and SIL. They would text DSD behind my back and randomly show up at my house when DH was gone. DH used to say just let them have her because DSD would cry and DH would be frustrated because he was at work. SIL would just smile and say well DSD said that you wouldn't mind. I did mind because they never said hi to DS or cared if we were in the middle of doing something.That has stopped since I moved and never invited them over. They want nothing to do with my other two children and bad mouth them to DSD. DSD actually came back one time and said everyone knows DS is stupid. He has a speech delay. This has gone on to them telling DSD don't listen to me. Steal from me, all kinds of dumb crap. So now I got a preteen that hates seeing me and her dad when she comes back from visiting them. DH decided to back away from them, not me. SIL had told DSD to move back her and go to school. But to live withere them. SIL lives with her mom still. But now she's newly married and lives with her mom. (This is relvant). DH finds out from DSD about the moving talk. DH confronts his sister saying no way and why wouldn't she stay with her dad. SIL Flys into her usual rage calling DH a fucking selfish asshole botch in front of DSD. Spouting how she does so much for everyone and nobody wants her to be happy. So yeah we left and have backed away from them. DSD has a cell phone because she older. They contact her bUT DSD never answers out calls or texts. We get her from the airport and the first thing out of her mouth was SIL told her we were going over there from the airport. We weren't because we were meeting somewhere neutral to open all gifts. Of course SIL never shows today. Says she has to stay home cooking with her husband. Wants us to drive 45 mins to her to get the gifts because all kids got gifts this year. DH says no we have out own dinner and you flaked on us. In comes barrage of it's Christmas go over there calls and texts. SIL is pissed sending pissed texts about the dinner she asked us to yesterday night. Like 7 pm night after I already started prep work and have our own guests from out of town. So we have been summoned to come over tomorrow. No I don't keep DSD from her aunt and grandma. Not my place. DH deals with that. The younger kids yes they don't see. My almost kindergartener doesn't even know their names. I did the cut off from them 2 years ago. So yes they were that little involved with both little kids.
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Dec. 26, 2014 at 3:47 AM
Sounds like SIL and MIL need to stop interfering an let DH parent his daughter. I went through something similar with my SIL MIL with SS8. And it was hellish up until finally DH said enough was enough and cut them off.

Sounds like somebody doesn't wanna respect boundaries.
Funnybunny02
by Member on Dec. 26, 2014 at 6:53 AM
I wish they would accept boundaries. When DH first set boundaries his mom complained he changed and was a woman hater. He was upset about it until the counselor told him that was a guilt tactic. Now MIL and SIL both just send angry texts or hang up on him when he doesn't give in. He is going to see them today because DSD is sad because they're asking her why she can't come over. I think DH should take the phone but DSD has it hidden anyway. DH is becoming a little better at re enforcing boundaries but people are calling saying that's your mom, she's old, kids need grandparents, and so on which makes him cave a little.
unbreakable307
by Member on Dec. 26, 2014 at 7:11 AM

damn, my sil and mil are the same, when i sent a private text to my mil taht i didn't want to be involved and that my babies would not be involved either, she decided to "air her greviances" between just her and me to the entire family and alienate me from my in laws, she lives in a whole other state too, and she's saying how she's the victim and how its awfully coincidental that i did this a few weeks before christmas, and i told her it wouldn't matter what time of the year it was, if i was going to cut her out, it would have nothing to do with any emerging holidays or plans.... i feel u with this one


chanizen
by on Dec. 26, 2014 at 8:11 AM

They won't accept boundaries.  I, personally, would put them in the mental bucket of "tragically insane people to whom I no longer listen".  Dh should take time off when sd is there and not let sil and mil know when he isn't.  It may even be worth going elsewhere to take visitation.

He could let mil and sil see sd but only in controlled conditions where he can immediately counter any lies being told.  But I don't think he should be leaving sd in your care.  

As for you, I would continue to remove yourself from communication with them.  

Quoting Funnybunny02: I wish they would accept boundaries. When DH first set boundaries his mom complained he changed and was a woman hater. He was upset about it until the counselor told him that was a guilt tactic. Now MIL and SIL both just send angry texts or hang up on him when he doesn't give in. He is going to see them today because DSD is sad because they're asking her why she can't come over. I think DH should take the phone but DSD has it hidden anyway. DH is becoming a little better at re enforcing boundaries but people are calling saying that's your mom, she's old, kids need grandparents, and so on which makes him cave a little.


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