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Ex Inlaws involve my husband ...vent

Posted by on Dec. 25, 2014 at 11:16 AM
  • 9 Replies

First of all, my children are boring and still in bed. At 9 a.m. On Christmas. 

Second, last night my ex FIL decided to plead with my husband about my ex. He apparently didn't appreciate it when I told him why I feel the way I do regarding my ex and how he's treated these kids and was mad that I had the audacity to say I didn't trust him due to a few incidents in the past regarding weapons, death threats, and my kids from grandpa's son (last weekend). So he appealed to my husband. 

My husband has stayed out of this for years. 

I agreed to a public place meeting because of what has been going on with my kids and that side. Everyone was nice enough, no harsh words, pleasant conversation. When we were ready to go he told me he wanted to talk to my husband. 

Now, to clarify here, the man doesn't really respect me or women (in general... you'd have to hear how he talks to his own daughters and wife). He was texting me all day yesterday how he EXPECTED me to drop everything and bring the kids to church because their cousin was being baptized (the cousin they didn't know about until 2 weeks ago and is a few months old and didn't care that we had plans).  Used to tell his female children they were too fat while telling me I was too skinny. One of his daughters moved out at 17 because of him. His wife isn't even allowed to order her own food - he does it for her because she's diabetic and wouldn't know what was good for her because he's the one with the Ph.D in food ... it's been that way for years.

So, my husband stays. 

Grandpa doesn't have a clue. His son is the father and the kids NEED to be involved, so what has transpired that the kids feel they are in self preservation mode? The fact they are ignored by him for an entire year almost unless grandparents are in town, the fact he walks past them in public, plays favorites when he does see them (doesn't make my son happy to see his sister shunned by their father), the fact that he allowed others to hurt them (doc visits were involved), that he allowed a woman to insult and berate them, the fact they witnessed their father try to run me over ... all of it shouldn't matter. They should deal, get over it. Move on. 

Grandpa is a smart man in his field, but he's of the mindset that his family is perfect, can do no wrong, ignores that his son had a psych say he had some mental issues that should be addressed (during custody evaluation) because mental issues are made up. He doesn't get how his son's behavior can hurt these kids and isn't appreciative that I've had to talk my kids into seeing these people because they too ignore the kids all year until Christmas and show up just to tell the kids that their father doesn't mean to hurt them. 

My husband said he told them that I had to talk them into coming, the kids, that is, and let grandpa know some of why the kids feel the way they do (because when I said it he hears Charlie Brown's teacher because I'm a gggiiiirrrrrlllll)... That whole "let the men talk" and "man to man" and the assumption that my husband is running things with the kids didn't work. 

If my husband had had his way last night wouldn't have happened, the kids would have stayed home, and grandpa wouldn't have thought it was okay to try to undermine me by going to my husband because he thought I was beneath him and not his equal... 


by on Dec. 25, 2014 at 11:16 AM
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Replies (1-9):
quinnsmom715
by Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 11:36 AM
1 mom liked this

if your kids dont want to see these people,dont force them..

minimoo
by Platinum Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 12:10 PM
Ugh. It explains a lot about why bf is the way he is. That was his example. Although, he is a grown up now, so that is not an excuse.

Bf's mom is similar. She was extremely emotionally abusive, sexually abusive, completely alienated the kids from their dad bc he had the audacity of leaving her crazy ass (bf suffered from severe depression and suicidal tendencies due to the lies and false memories she implanted in their heads about how he "didn't care" and "didn't love" him). She justified it by "a child should always have their mother and dads are only needed for the sperm. She raised some pretty fucked up kids. The sister has a good heart but refuses to stand up for anyone, including her own children. She complains that her mom abuses her children and has started to try and alienate them from her (tells the oldest that she can always come live with her bc *sister* (she refers to herself as mommy and the actual mom by first name) is a huge meanie and won't give her whatever she wants for example). She even tries to tell the poor girl that her dad is molesting her to try and implant memories ("remember when sister's dh kept making you touch his wee wee? He's a bad man. I won't let you be alone with him. What you don't remember? Let me tell you what happened...") Sister hates it and knows it's wrong, and is scared that her children are going to "choose" her mom, yet still gives her unlimited access to them. If my parents did even a bit of that shit, sorry, you lost privileges of seeing the children. The one brother is amazing. Great dad, great husband, respectful, good head on his shoulders, completed college, hard worker, supports his family. Hilarious bc statistically, he should be the one having a hard time bc he became a dad at the ripe age of 15. He finished hs, married his child's mom and built a family. He hasn't been perfect but they have trucked along and are doing well. Most of their problems were due to his mom trying to get them to break up bc she doesn't like his wife as she will not show her to abuse her children or let the mil do whatever she wants. She tries to set him up on "dates" and would try and sneak his ex gf around who was bound and determined to sleep with him. He disengaged from his family and saved his marriage. I honestly think he's so successful bc he had his wife in his wife so young and she's a great person. The other 3 boys...so 3 of them are rapists and cheaters. They all have multiple addictions. Only one can hold down a steady job. They all are horrible, abusive parents themselves. All 3 have abandoned their children unless it's convenient for them- to try and control their mothers or to impress whoever happens to be in their beds at that moment. Now the mother shifted from kids need moms to dads are more important and her 3 bad sons should just cut us out of our kids' lives. For her, what she really means is whoever will give her access to abuse their kids should have them and whoever tries to stand in her way and protect them should be eliminated.
packermom4ever
by on Dec. 25, 2014 at 12:25 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting quinnsmom715:

if your kids dont want to see these people,dont force them..

Not how that was going to work this time. I was trying to show them (grandparents) that they can have a relationship independent of their son with the kids. 

I don't want the kids growing up and regretting not trying at least once to go down that road. 

They don't have to the rest of the time now. That was the deal. You try, they try, we see how it goes. If it doesn't go well, no more. 

It went well up until the end when grandpa attempted to undermine me with my husband. As if my husband is going to go against my decisions for the kids or make the kids see the person who has caused them so much pain. We gave them an inch... our bad on that. But I felt it was worth a shot...

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 2:57 PM
What a mess. I am sorry.
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 6:30 PM
What in the entire fuck.... I just don't understand shit like that.

My kids BD did abuse me but I sort of equate it to a temper tantrum. His mom wears the pants in his childhood home. I am sure they had their issues but they are all close still. Oh and his mom did whip his ass but it was Mexican style spankings not beating they all joke about it.

My mom whipped my ass and I laugh about it w my mom. She joked about getting Her ass whipped as a kid.

I actually think my dad had the worst lot. It was all mental bullshit.


Quoting minimoo: Ugh. It explains a lot about why bf is the way he is. That was his example. Although, he is a grown up now, so that is not an excuse.

Bf's mom is similar. She was extremely emotionally abusive, sexually abusive, completely alienated the kids from their dad bc he had the audacity of leaving her crazy ass (bf suffered from severe depression and suicidal tendencies due to the lies and false memories she implanted in their heads about how he "didn't care" and "didn't love" him). She justified it by "a child should always have their mother and dads are only needed for the sperm. She raised some pretty fucked up kids. The sister has a good heart but refuses to stand up for anyone, including her own children. She complains that her mom abuses her children and has started to try and alienate them from her (tells the oldest that she can always come live with her bc *sister* (she refers to herself as mommy and the actual mom by first name) is a huge meanie and won't give her whatever she wants for example). She even tries to tell the poor girl that her dad is molesting her to try and implant memories ("remember when sister's dh kept making you touch his wee wee? He's a bad man. I won't let you be alone with him. What you don't remember? Let me tell you what happened...") Sister hates it and knows it's wrong, and is scared that her children are going to "choose" her mom, yet still gives her unlimited access to them. If my parents did even a bit of that shit, sorry, you lost privileges of seeing the children. The one brother is amazing. Great dad, great husband, respectful, good head on his shoulders, completed college, hard worker, supports his family. Hilarious bc statistically, he should be the one having a hard time bc he became a dad at the ripe age of 15. He finished hs, married his child's mom and built a family. He hasn't been perfect but they have trucked along and are doing well. Most of their problems were due to his mom trying to get them to break up bc she doesn't like his wife as she will not show her to abuse her children or let the mil do whatever she wants. She tries to set him up on "dates" and would try and sneak his ex gf around who was bound and determined to sleep with him. He disengaged from his family and saved his marriage. I honestly think he's so successful bc he had his wife in his wife so young and she's a great person. The other 3 boys...so 3 of them are rapists and cheaters. They all have multiple addictions. Only one can hold down a steady job. They all are horrible, abusive parents themselves. All 3 have abandoned their children unless it's convenient for them- to try and control their mothers or to impress whoever happens to be in their beds at that moment. Now the mother shifted from kids need moms to dads are more important and her 3 bad sons should just cut us out of our kids' lives. For her, what she really means is whoever will give her access to abuse their kids should have them and whoever tries to stand in her way and protect them should be eliminated.
minimoo
by Platinum Member on Dec. 26, 2014 at 10:10 AM
I don't understand it either. I love my children and it is my life goal to raise them to be happy, self sufficient, successful people. For this woman, people are in this world for one purpose- what she can get from them. I was on bedrest with dd- went into labor early at 32 weeks. In December. She was hung ho on trying to get me to have her before the end of the year, despite the fact that she would have been a preemie and have health risks "bc if you have her this year, you can claim her on taxes and get a bunch of money back." She got pissed at me bc I told her that I would rather keep her "baking" as long as I could bc a healthy baby is more important than money. It's funny bc she really feels that her children's purpose is to take care of her. It really hit it home for me when I was pregnant with dd and bf told me he wanted her to do good in school and go to college so she could get a good job so she could take care of us and he wouldn't have to work (hilarious- he already wasn't working- he's VERY good at that lol- and he wasn't referring to is being old and senile, but like in our 50s right after she graduates college). I told him that I wanted her to do well in school, go to college, and be successful so that she could take care of herself and her family. The irony with his mom is that she wants her kids to take care of her, but the only one that is successful wants nothing to do with her. She has tried to move in with him, right after she tried setting him up on a date and flipping off his wife and didn't understand why he told her no. She has burned bridges with everyone she was planning on taking care of her. She currently is living with bf in the house sm's mom is paying for living off the welfare benefits they get.

His mom wasn't physically abusive. But emotionally, mentally and sexually. She never beat them- in fact she refused to discipline them at all. The mental bullshit is horrible though. She really fucked them up. It's so sad. And the one brother is the only one who stepped up to break the cycle. The others are either doing it to their kids and/or allowing mommy dearest to do it to them. The oldest took his kids across country when his wife left him. Before he left, they were such incredibly sweet, innocent kids She couldn't stop him bc he had financially drained her. He had his mom come with him to nanny for him. His ex got herself back together so she could take care of the kids. She got them back, ended up being rewarded sole custody. The oldest ended up needing extensive therapy, being diagnosed with severe ODD among other things. He alluded to being molested, but wouldn't say it and they couldn't prove it bc the bitch had him so scared. Mom couldn't work bc she was called daily by the school for him threatening to kill people. The middle one has severe OCD to the point his hands start bleeding from excessive washing and he states that he feels dirty all the time. The baby was only a few months old when dad took him. He had a LOT of influence by grandma. But...mom got him back before it was too late and with extensive therapy, he's doing OK. Grandma constantly tries to take him, saying he's HER baby and mom STOLE him. She knows the older two are done with her. She knows that she can no longer have her way with them bc they have been given tools to stop her. But she felt the baby is still young enough to manipulate. It's really sad. And wrong.


Quoting faerie75: What in the entire fuck.... I just don't understand shit like that.

My kids BD did abuse me but I sort of equate it to a temper tantrum. His mom wears the pants in his childhood home. I am sure they had their issues but they are all close still. Oh and his mom did whip his ass but it was Mexican style spankings not beating they all joke about it.

My mom whipped my ass and I laugh about it w my mom. She joked about getting Her ass whipped as a kid.

I actually think my dad had the worst lot. It was all mental bullshit.


Quoting minimoo: Ugh. It explains a lot about why bf is the way he is. That was his example. Although, he is a grown up now, so that is not an excuse.

Bf's mom is similar. She was extremely emotionally abusive, sexually abusive, completely alienated the kids from their dad bc he had the audacity of leaving her crazy ass (bf suffered from severe depression and suicidal tendencies due to the lies and false memories she implanted in their heads about how he "didn't care" and "didn't love" him). She justified it by "a child should always have their mother and dads are only needed for the sperm. She raised some pretty fucked up kids. The sister has a good heart but refuses to stand up for anyone, including her own children. She complains that her mom abuses her children and has started to try and alienate them from her (tells the oldest that she can always come live with her bc *sister* (she refers to herself as mommy and the actual mom by first name) is a huge meanie and won't give her whatever she wants for example). She even tries to tell the poor girl that her dad is molesting her to try and implant memories ("remember when sister's dh kept making you touch his wee wee? He's a bad man. I won't let you be alone with him. What you don't remember? Let me tell you what happened...") Sister hates it and knows it's wrong, and is scared that her children are going to "choose" her mom, yet still gives her unlimited access to them. If my parents did even a bit of that shit, sorry, you lost privileges of seeing the children. The one brother is amazing. Great dad, great husband, respectful, good head on his shoulders, completed college, hard worker, supports his family. Hilarious bc statistically, he should be the one having a hard time bc he became a dad at the ripe age of 15. He finished hs, married his child's mom and built a family. He hasn't been perfect but they have trucked along and are doing well. Most of their problems were due to his mom trying to get them to break up bc she doesn't like his wife as she will not show her to abuse her children or let the mil do whatever she wants. She tries to set him up on "dates" and would try and sneak his ex gf around who was bound and determined to sleep with him. He disengaged from his family and saved his marriage. I honestly think he's so successful bc he had his wife in his wife so young and she's a great person. The other 3 boys...so 3 of them are rapists and cheaters. They all have multiple addictions. Only one can hold down a steady job. They all are horrible, abusive parents themselves. All 3 have abandoned their children unless it's convenient for them- to try and control their mothers or to impress whoever happens to be in their beds at that moment. Now the mother shifted from kids need moms to dads are more important and her 3 bad sons should just cut us out of our kids' lives. For her, what she really means is whoever will give her access to abuse their kids should have them and whoever tries to stand in her way and protect them should be eliminated.
chanizen
by on Dec. 27, 2014 at 8:03 AM

Ugh.  I would be beyond angry packer if my ex's family pulled something like that.

It would be the last time I spoke with the grandparents of exposed my kids, my family or myself to them in any way.

if gpa ever requested to talk to my husband again, my response would be very unpleasant.  It would probably be something along the lines of:  I am the parent and the person you are dealing with.  If you attempt to circumvent me again, you will not be dealing with me either as I will no longer be answering your calls.  My sense is that you do not respect me, or women as a whole, which is really too bad for you because in these requests, you must deal with me.  I will not discuss custody with you.  Period.  Speak to me with respect or I WILL hang up (or leave).  If you are not intelligent enough to follow this, I will be happy to never speak to you again, block your number and issue a restraining order. This meeting was my choice to allow.  And clearly it was a mistake as it relied on common decency on your part.  

XXanonymousXX
by Gold Member on Dec. 27, 2014 at 9:02 AM
My grandparents on my mom's side are the same damn way. Girls are second class citizens, boys get every excuse made for them and can do no wrong. And they ended up raising 3 women who will do anything for attention and 2 men who can barely make it through life without having their hand held.

Both sons are in their late 60's and living back with their parents, and the parents, who are in their 90's, are still doing everything for them. Not one single child was able to make a marriage work, not one single grandchild went over there for Christmas.

They made their bed, and I don't feel bad. Your ex's parents are making their bed, and you shouldn't feel bad.
stepdiva
by Silver Member on Dec. 27, 2014 at 10:18 AM
Grandpa sounds like a bully.
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