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at what point in a relationship do you think its time to call it quits.

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 2:23 PM
  • 38 Replies
When in a relationship with step kids, after what point do you think itd be in everyones best interests to leave. Ive always said from the beginning my SO kids should come first and I never want to come between them. But after we had a baby his kids have been texting/calling their mom when they get punished at all so she'll pick them up. Now the oldest 15yr old boy refuses to come over. I know by that age they are too concerned about much other than sleeping and eating. The 12 yr old daughter seems to be my biggest worry. When I try to do fun stuff with her she lies to her mom saying im being mean. After many talks she finally admitted to it all and said her mom told her to act the way she does to me. I love my so very very much but I don't want to be the reason for extra stress and not seeing his kids. We've been together almost 4 years. Living together 2years. Would you stay put and hope itll all settle or leave. Id hate to have our daughter being raised in this environment if its gonna continue
by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 2:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 2:27 PM
What is he doing to fix the relationship with his kids? Has he gone to therapy with them? Does he take his son out for guy time? Do Daddy/Daughter lunches?
whatIknownow
by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 2:33 PM

Why did you have a baby with a man you weren't committed to?

Also, it sounds like your boyfriend doesn't have a good relationship with his kids but I don't see how that is your issue.

mrsnycz42
by Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 2:37 PM
They have done counciling before I came around. The kids wouldn't open up and talk. He does dinners and such alone with them time to time when we can afford it. The problemproblem with the son is new. Him and I use to go on walks together all the time and just talk (mostly him getting stuff off his chest) I don't get after them anymore if they do anything wrong I tell their father and he handles it.
mrsnycz42
by Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 2:45 PM
He does have a good relationship with his kids but as I said his daughter has told us their mother has been telling her to act up and cause problems for us. Their mother has never liked me and hasn't made an attempt to get to know me. Ive done so much for them but her dislike for me is making it feel worthless. My so and I want to get married but I want to get things smoothed out first, if they can. He doesn't want us to break up by all means. We discuss this issue alot trying to figure out how to fix this.
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 2:52 PM

So what do you mean by give up on a relationship? A relationship with their dad or with the kids? 

mrsnycz42
by Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 2:54 PM
With their dad. For their dads and his kids best interests
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 2:59 PM

If you hit the quote button you can reply directly to the poster... I would just suggest disengaging from the kids and let dad work on his relationship with them. It's his to fix.

Quoting mrsnycz42: With their dad. For their dads and his kids best interests


whatIknownow
by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 3:00 PM

What did the mom say when your boyfriend asked her about that? Did she admit that she told her daughter to act up and cause problems for you? Because it sounds highly unlikely. Sounds like something a kid would say to get out of trouble.

By your description, it does not sound like your boyfriend has a good relationship with his kids.

It shouldn't matter that the mother doesn't like you. Your focus all along should have been on your own family -- your child and your boyfriend. How your boyfriend handles his kids is his business and not about you. If you had focused on your own family all along, then these kids would not be a problem for your relationship now. You don't need a relationship with his kids. HE needs a relationship with his kids, but you don't have to be part of that. Clearly trying to be part of that didn't work. So, you can just give up on having a relationship with his kids and focus on your own family, and see if you want to stay with this man.

Quoting mrsnycz42: He does have a good relationship with his kids but as I said his daughter has told us their mother has been telling her to act up and cause problems for us. Their mother has never liked me and hasn't made an attempt to get to know me. Ive done so much for them but her dislike for me is making it feel worthless. My so and I want to get married but I want to get things smoothed out first, if they can. He doesn't want us to break up by all means. We discuss this issue alot trying to figure out how to fix this.


leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 3:00 PM

I think once you aren't married, you should call it quits when you aren't getting what you want from the relationship. Of course if you share children, you should consider if the split will be in the child's best interest also, I don't think the stepchildren should be a major factor unless you live with them in the custodial home.

mrsnycz42
by Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 3:08 PM
Honest question. How do I have go about not having a relationship with his kids and just him. We have them Wednesday-Saturday mornings. I want us to be able to live at peace. We talked about doing more outings together. He avoids talking to their mom. What his daughter said is very likely to be true based off how her siblings have told me about her. We are good friends with her brother.
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